The Dirty Parts of the Bible Quotes

“Remember this, my boy. The two greatest men who ever livied-Jesus and Socrates-were both hoboes.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Some people put more effort and money into the wedding day than they do into the marriage itself, then it’s all downhill from there. I was happy for a simple start; things could only get better.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“I assure you I’m quite harmless,” he said. “Unless prodded, provoked, or otherwise perturbed.” + + +”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Society always tries to enslave, imprison, and execute its greatest men, those who dare to stand apart and rise above.' He scratched his chin. 'That’s why I’m keeping a low profile--so the bastards don’t get me.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Oftentimes, a truth is so big, so far beyond our understanding, that the only way we can grasp it is through a story. The creation of the whole universe is like that. How can our puny brains contain it?”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“I left the room in a daze, wondering if this was all real-or if I'd finally gone insane from whacking the weasel.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“To me, a forest is just a bunch of trees, but lakes and rivers are alive. Water is to the land what blood is to the land.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“If the evangelist was right, this life was nothing more than a waiting room for the next. The only thing on earth that mattered was placing your reservation for eternity.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“So if Adam and Eve are the parents of the whole human race, where did Cain’s wife come from? After”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Society always tries to enslave, imprison, and execute its greatest men, those who dare to stand apart and rise above.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Well, a square dance might start innocent, but it sure don’t take long to cut off the corners.” Father”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Why, you’re a ghost,” he said, “and so am I. We’re spirits haunting these bodies of flesh and blood, just as spooks haunt houses of wood and stone.” “You believe in haunted houses?” “All houses,” he said, “wherein men have lived and died, are haunted houses.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“A child is like an unruly tree—in order to grow up straight, he must be pruned. ‘Raise up a child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it.’” I”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Remember--Adam was only God’s rough draft, but Eve was his masterpiece.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Texas’s main exports are cotton, oil, and preachers.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“...water is to the land what blood is to the body.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“every woman is a vessel of beauty, life, and love—though most don’t know it. And all the forces of evil in the world are dead-set against her. That’s why loving a woman is the hardest battle you’ll ever face. Love isn’t going to fall into your lap—you’ve got to fight for it.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Well, imagine a movie—a vast production with kings, fools, knights, ladies, peasants, preachers, prostitutes—every sort of person you find in the world. When the actors take off their costumes, they’re all equal. So it is with life. When death strips us of our roles, we’re all equals in the grave.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“You’ve flaunted my authority, coddled that boy, and let him do as he pleases.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“If not for the deer, the men would have shot each other for sport.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“To me, a forest is just a bunch of trees, but lakes and rivers are alive. Water is to the land what blood is to the body.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“me. I sat on a carpet of matted, yellow weeds, snapping twigs between my fingers and longing for Emily Apple. Emily. I’d loved that girl since the third grade, when she was gangly, buck-toothed, and freckle-faced. What was it about her that pierced my heart? It wasn’t sexual. Heck, our chests were the same size. That changed in seventh grade. As the girls in our class started looking more womanly, Emily exceeded them all. She’d stand at the blackboard multiplying and dividing numbers, while my mouth gaped”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Remember this, my boy. The two greatest men who ever lived—Jesus and Socrates—were both hoboes.” It was strange to hear Craw mention Jesus. I didn’t know much about the other fellow, but I remembered one thing from school—“They killed Socrates, too, didn’t they?” “That’s right, my boy. Society always tries to enslave, imprison, and execute its greatest men, those who dare to stand apart and rise above.” He scratched his chin. “That’s why I’m keeping a low profile—so the bastards don’t get me.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Cicadas,” Craw said. “Also known as locusts. Or, as John the Baptist would say, lunch.” I”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“I was used to hiding magazines inside my Bible so I’d have something to read during Father’s sermons. I never would have dreamed that someday I’d be doing it the other way around.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“The two greatest men who ever lived—Jesus and Socrates—were both hoboes.” It”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“Did you ever stop to consider the person who first discovered milk? It took a lot of nerve to be the first man to pull on a cow’s nipple and drink whatever came out.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“I nibbled on the edge—it tasted like a piece of bologna that had met a violent death and been embalmed.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“It’s rainin’ like Billy-be-damned out there.”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible

“These women were Jesus’ great-grandmothers!”
― Sam Torode, The Dirty Parts of the Bible