Home to Woefield Quotes

“My heart kind of hurt when I looked at her. Not because I was in love, but because I could tell from looking at her that she didn't hate herself. Not only didn't she seem to hate herself, she barely seemed to think about herself. How fucking glorious must that be?”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“This bastard was in a self-help program? For what? Square-jawed, cleft-chin sufferers? Handsome Bastards Anonymous?”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“The old man kept going about how he could never keep her home, how she loved to roam. He said she should have been a sheep in the foothills of Scotland. Now if that wasn't a load of shit I don't know what is. I'll tell you why that sheep roamed. The fences around here was held up with goddamn binder twine and half-assed prayers. That's why.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“I had this vision of the two of us holding hands or getting into some light petting behind shower curtains or up in the fencing aisle or some shit.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“It’s important to give people the benefit of the doubt even if they don’t deserve it.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“Can you dance?
Of course, I said, even though I can’t really. I think enthusiasm counts for a lot in dancing and in life.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“People never like to talk about their slower relatives. I got a cousin, twice removed, got webs between his toes, ain't said one word his whole life. You never hear about him in the family newsletter that goes around every Christmas. Hell, nobody mentions me, either, if it comes to that. Families is funny about who they advertise.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“Fucking Hallmark never wrote anything for how I felt then. When Metallica and the rest of the metal community pitched in to pay for Acrassicauda, the Iraqi heavy metal band, to move to the US is the only thing that comes close. And maybe the late-breaking success of Anvil. I had a toasty heart, especially after I got called back to pick up first prize for Miss Frizz. Ah, never mind. You know what I'm saying.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“Earl had let Bertie off the porch for some fresh grass and I didn't want Dr. Eustace to see her. She still looked as though we'd put Hannibal Lecter in charge of her shearing and had hired the special effects team from Night of the Living Dead to bandage her.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“I debated whether to tell them I had long since abandoned my writing career and moved into radishes and fraud, but decided the timing was wrong.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“It's been a pretty tough day," he said. "No sense making it worse with a salad.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“It’s funny how you can be all alone and in danger and then a minute later feel totally safe, like you’ve never been lonely before.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“I think enthusiasm counts for a lot in dancing and in life.”
― Susan Juby, Welcome to Woefield

“She was a woman in her thirties with sun-damaged skin and an opt-out approach to fashion.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“I knew he’d get left behind when the Rapture came due to his swearing and probably also for having long hair and tight pants.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“Wetting one's pants is no kind of self-esteem builder.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“Bobby just stared at me. There was already crumbs in his mustache and it was barely seven in the morning.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“My mom made the trays out of kits she bought at Michaels. She's crackled the shit out of them so they look like they're covered in diseased rhino skins.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“Good luck with that," I said. Because seriously. The fuck? Strawberry social? Did I somehow move onto the set of the remake of Little House on the Prairie?”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

“...like the twig furniture she made, thinking it was going to make us rich, only she's shit with a hammer and nails and the stuff ended up being deadly. You were practically begging for a colonoscopy if you sat on it.”
― Susan Juby, Home to Woefield