Monkey Business Quotes

“Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.”
― John Rolfe, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle

“The closest most people have ever come to understanding what an investment banker does may have been on October 24, 1995, when they heard the outrageous special interest story of the day. The wire services released the story first. It was quickly picked up and parroted by almost every major media outlet in the country as a classic example of Wall Street excess. A fifty-eight-year-old frustrated managing director from Trust Company of the West, on an airplane trip from Buenos Aires to New York City, downed an excessive number of cocktails, got out of his seat in the first-class cabin of a United Airlines flight, dropped his pants, and took a crap
on the service cart. There you have it. That’s what bankers do: consume, process, and disseminate.”
― Peter Troob, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle

“At the lowest level of the investment banking hierarchy are the analysts. To find this young talent, the I-banks send their manicured young bankers out to the Whartons, Harvards and Princetons of the world to roll out the red carpet for the top undergraduates and begin the process of destroying whatever noble ideals the youngsters have left.”
― John Rolfe, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle

“A good way to figure out how likely it is that the directors are sucking money out of a company is to draw a chart with each director's name in a box. Read through the Management section, and each time you identify a professional or personal connection between two directors, connect their boxed with a line. If you also happen to know about other relationships between directors, for instance one director is married to the other director's daughter, or one director is an old college buddy of another director, you can draw a line in there as well. If, upon completion, the chart looks like a spider web then hold on to your wallet.”
― Peter Troob, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle

“If the owners are cashing out, there's no reason for you to be cashing in.”
― Peter Troob, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle

“The associates are the Cro-Magnon men. They live in caves, have trouble walking upright, and have a lot of hair on their backs. Usually, they communicate by grunting. Those are the associates. Finally, there are the analysts. Monkeys. Tons and tons of little monkeys. Not humans, just monkeys crawling all over each other and pulling lice out of each other’s fur. Those are the analysts.”
― John Rolfe, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle

“A good way to figure out how likely it is that the directors are sucking money out of a company is to draw a chart with each director's name in a box. Read through the Management section, and each time you identify a professional or personal connection between two directors, connect their boxes with a line. If you also happen to know about other relationships between directors, for instance one director is married to the other director's daughter, or one director is an old college buddy of another director, you can draw a line in there as well. If, upon completion, the chart looks like a spider web then hold on to your wallet. ”
― Peter Troob, Monkey Business: Swinging Through the Wall Street Jungle