Out of the Shadows Quotes

“For the addict, however, there is no choice. No choice. The addiction is in charge.”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

“Walt Whitman: I am larger, better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

“The instructor suggested that an alternative exists for both of them. Understanding that both men and women are fundamentally intensely sexual alters the view of the world of the addict and coaddict alike. Each has to take responsibility for his or her own sexual feelings. Addicts no longer need to feel compelled to insane behavior in order to meet their needs. Coaddicts can focus their energy on developing their own sexuality as opposed to being obsessed with the sexuality of the addict. Sharing sexual initiative as well as economic opportunity can displace feelings of jeopardy and exploitation. When both addicts and coaddicts can accept their sexuality as an exciting and rich part of relationships, old myths that equate sexual feelings with being bad are dispelled. By challenging beliefs and cultural expectations, family members can find a path out of addiction.”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

“Instead of seeing sex as the most important need, coaddicts often believe, “Sex is the most important sign of love.”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

“Just as coaddicts sometimes make addicts into “parents,” coaddicts will treat addicts as “another child in the family.”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

“Unstructured time, a heavy responsibility for self-direction, and high demands for excellence seem to be the common elements in these situations that are easy triggers for addictive behaviors. Procrastination”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction

“how”
― Patrick J. Carnes, Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction