Patrick J. Carnes



Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is an internationally known authority and speaker on addiction and recovery issues. He has authored over twenty books including the bestselling titles Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, Facing the Shadow, Betrayal Bond, Don’t Call It Love, A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps and The Gentle Path through the Twelve Principles.

Dr. Carnes’ research provides the architecture for the “task model” of treating addictions that is used by thousands of therapists worldwide and many well-known treatment centers, residential facilities, and hospitals. He founded IITAP (International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals), which provides CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist) training and certif
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Average rating: 4.12 · 2,106 ratings · 147 reviews · 35 distinct worksSimilar authors
Out of the Shadows: Underst...

4.04 avg rating — 655 ratings — published 1983 — 3 editions
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The Betrayal Bond: Breaking...

4.26 avg rating — 463 ratings — published 1997 — 9 editions
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A Gentle Path Through the T...

4.14 avg rating — 344 ratings — published 1993 — 10 editions
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Don't Call It Love: Recover...

4.11 avg rating — 178 ratings — published 1991 — 6 editions
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Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming...

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3.83 avg rating — 110 ratings — published 1997 — 8 editions
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In the Shadows of the Net: ...

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3.90 avg rating — 80 ratings — published 2001 — 10 editions
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Facing the Shadow: Starting...

4.13 avg rating — 94 ratings — published 2001 — 6 editions
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Contrary to Love: Helping t...

really liked it 4.00 avg rating — 41 ratings — published 1989 — 6 editions
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Clinical Management of Sex ...

4.22 avg rating — 18 ratings — published 2002 — 8 editions
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Recovery Zone, Volume 1: Ma...

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really liked it 4.00 avg rating — 15 ratings — published 2009
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“Abandonment is at the core of addictions. Abandonment causes deep shame. Abandonment by betrayal is worse than mindless neglect. Betrayal is purposeful and self-serving. If severe enough, it is traumatic. What moves betrayal into the realm of trauma is fear and terror. If the wound is deep enough, and the terror big enough, your bodily systems shift to an alarm state. You never feel safe. You’re always on full-alert, just waiting for the hurt to begin again. In that state of readiness, you’re unaware that part of you has died. You are grieving. Like everyone who has loss, you have shock and disbelief, fear, loneliness and sadness. Yet you are unaware of these feelings because your guard is up. In your readiness, you abandon yourself. Yes, another abandonment.”
Patrick J. Carnes, The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships

“By the nineteenth century, society had given up burning witches. Yet the sexual exploitation of children continued. In late-nineteenth-century Britain, for example, men who raped young girls were excused because they did it to cure venereal disease. There was a widely held belief that children would take "poisons" out of the body. In fact, leprosy, venereal disease, depression, and impotence were part of a wide range of maladies believed cured by having sex with the young. An English medical text of the time reads, "Breaking a maiden's seal is one of the best antidotes for one's ills. Cudgeling her unceasingly, until she swoons away, is a mighty remedy for man's depression. It cures all impotence.”
Patrick J. Carnes, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

“By the Middles Ages it was a sin to have sex with a child. If an adult were guilty of such a sin, one remedy was to declare the child a witch. The child thus became an offender who "beguiled" the adult with the power of the Evil One.
Understanding this process puts a new light on the burning of witches. A Catholic bishop in Wurttemberg in the seventeenth century writes, for example, of his sadness at having presided over the burning of three hundred young girls that year and of his wonder if the church were making a mistake.”
Patrick J. Carnes, Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred

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