How People Grow Quotes

“Many people are too soft-hearted; they give encouragement to someone who needs discouragement instead. To encourage a powerless person to try harder is one of the worst things you could possibly do. The best thing you can do is to discourage him from believing that he can do it on his own. Another use of the law is to show a person that she is not living up to a standard. We will talk about the role of the truth and confrontation in chapter 17, but it is important to understand in this context that people will never get to the end of themselves if they do not see themselves as failing.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“In redemption we reconcile things to the way they were supposed to be. We become dependent and give up our independent stance before God and others. We give up trying to control things we cannot control and yield to and trust God’s control. Also, we regain control of what we were created to control in the first place, which is ourselves. We regain the fruit of “self-control.” We give up the role of playing judge with ourselves and others by giving up judgmentalism, condemnation, wrath, shaming, and so on so that we are free to experience ourselves and others as we really are. So, by not being God, we are free to be who we truly are and allow others to be who they truly are as well. We stop redesigning life and making new rules and instead live the life God designed us to live. For example, God designed marriage, but humans rewrite the rules to make cohabitation or serial monogamy a new design with disastrous consequences. In redemption we begin to do it God’s way.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“But, as we all know, this was a lie. The man and woman did not become like God at all. Instead, in trying to become God, they became less of themselves. And this is why we need spiritual growth. We have become less of what we were created to be.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“This changes our entire existence, encompassing emotions, behavior, relationships, career, and everything else in life. We want people to learn that way for themselves.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“ACTION IS ALWAYS AN integral part of growth. Spiritual growth does not “happen” to us; it requires a great deal of blood, sweat, and tears,”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“For it is exactly into that prison that Jesus comes and tells us he will break us out.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“Guilt pushers do not like to get rid of guilt, for they fear that if people do not have guilt to stop them, they will do whatever they want.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“Spiritual growth is not only about coming back into a relationship with God and each other, and about pursuing a pure life, but it is also about coming back to life— the life that God created for people to live.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“Spiritual growth should affect relationship problems, emotional problems, and all other problems of life. There is no such thing as our “spiritual life” and then our “real life.” It is all one.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“Although suffering is negative, it is part of life—especially the growth part of life. No one grows to maturity who does not understand suffering. (We say more about suffering in chapter 11.) For example, dealing with our hurts, sins, and failures involves pain, both within us and in our relationships with others. Many times people see Jesus’ example as a way to avoid suffering. They focus on his power, glory, and majesty in his role as King of kings (Rev. 19:16). They identify with his victory over sin and darkness. At the same time, even though we are “in Christ” and we know that everything will ultimately be okay, here on earth today things aren’t yet okay. Remember that Israel was given the Promised Land, but they had to wait forty years to possess it. In the same way, we have much work to do before we celebrate the final victory.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“It is sad to see this dynamic of the law happen in the church and then see the opposite happen in Twelve Step groups. In these recovery groups, people are taught that the very first thing to do when you fail is to call someone in the group and get to a meeting. They are taught to “run to grace,” as it were, to turn immediately to their higher power and their support system. The sad part is that this theology is more biblical than what is practiced in many Christian environments, where people in failure run from instead of to God and the people they need.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“We do not grow because of “willpower” or “self-effort,” but because of God’s provision. God offers the help we need (that’s grace), and then we have to respond to that provision.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“People do not grow until they shift from a natural human view of God to a real, biblical view of God. The first aspect of that shift has to be the shift from a God of law to the God of grace. People must discover that God is for them and not against them. This is what it means to have a God of grace.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“They did not see friendships with others as a key ingredient of the growth process. They saw them as a context for ministry.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“Although they were still human, Adam and Eve “fell” from the perfect state they were created in, and they became less than perfect. They now were in a strange state that the Bible calls “sin” or “death” (Eph. 2:1). To sin means to “miss the mark,” and death means to be separated from life, especially “separated from the life of God” (Eph. 4:18). In the Fall, Adam and Eve became separated from Life and missed the mark of all that life was created to be. In short, they lost it all. They lost themselves, each other, and the life they were created to have. They overturned the entire design. And look at what happened.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“So many of people’s problems come from trying to control things outside of their control, and when they try, they lose control of themselves. It is no wonder that praying “the Serenity Prayer”*—knowing the difference between what we can change and what we cannot—leads to people regaining control of their lives.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“We were to live life, but to live it in submission to God, or we would not have life at all. Life and submission to God were one and the same.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“We have to understand it to mean that it includes his bringing life to dead situations in our lives. God is not only Creator but also recreator of life. Helping other people becomes an issue of the life they are trying to create and also the life God is trying to create in them. It becomes the theology of how one overcomes a depression or heals a marriage or rescues a failing business career. In other words, “How do I bring this marriage or this business career back to life?”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“In this chapter I would like to look at three big acts in the cosmic drama: Creation, the Fall, and Redemption. If we are going to deeply help people on the path to spiritual growth, we have to know where we came from, where we went from there, and where we are heading. We have to know the answers to three big questions: How was life designed to be lived? What is it supposed to look like? What happened in the Fall to change how life was designed? What is the problem we are trying to fix? What is redemption and what does it do? How do we get there?”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“First, we are obviously trying to get people back into a relationship with God. Almost everyone who desires to grow as a Christian works on this. But beyond that, we generally see only two other emphases: one is to reconcile people to each other, and the other is to reconcile people to the idea of holiness and pure living. For many, these three emphases constitute the ministry of reconciliation. And, to be sure, great life change and healing are to be had when these three things occur. But there is more to be done. Spiritual growth is not only about coming back into a relationship with God and each other, and about pursuing a pure life, but it is also about coming back to life— the life that God created for people to live. This life of deep relationship, fulfilling work, celebration, and more gives us the life we desire and solves our problems. As Paul says, we are “separated from the life of God” (Eph. 4:18). We must be reconciled to life the way it was created to work.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“But many people long for some links between the great doctrines of the faith and the reality of growth. So two of the questions this book will answer are these: What helps people grow? How do those processes fit into our orthodox understanding of spiritual growth and theology?”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“In so many places, however, these issues were worked on with either spiritual disciplines, such as prayer, Bible study, and repentance, or in workshops that focused on the practical aspects of solving those problems. The spiritual and the practical were addressed, but not linked together with a biblical understanding. We decided to address our concerns in three ways. First, John and I wanted those responsible for helping people grow to know how the spiritual and the practical are linked. We wanted pastors to know, for example, how a small-group ministry that addresses people’s emotional problems is an important application of the doctrine of the church, not just a good idea from secular humanism. And we wanted those who were leading divorce recovery workshops, for example, to know the theology behind those practices, not only so they could defend them, but also so they could make sure that what they were doing was truly biblical. Second, we wanted those who were working with people to be aware of the things that deeply change people’s lives. We wanted them to know the processes involved and be able to gain skills in all of them, not just a few. Many do a great job in working with people in the things they have been exposed to, but, like us, have a longing to know more of what the Bible teaches about what makes people grow. Third, we wanted people who were growing to know not only how to grow, but that their growth was biblical growth. We wanted them to understand that “if you are getting better, it is because you are growing spiritually. You are doing what the Bible says to do.” People need not only to grow, but also to understand where that growth fits in to a larger picture of God’s plan for them and his plan of redemption. It is good to know that their growth is from him.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“First, when people came to us for counseling, we wanted them to understand that the issues they were working on were not growth issues or counseling issues, but spiritual growth issues . Spiritual growth, in our mind, was the answer to everything. Second—and this is by far the bigger emphasis and the one that gets to the heart of this book—we wanted to bring the idea of working on relational and emotional issues back into the mainstream of spiritual growth. Spiritual growth should affect relationship problems, emotional problems, and all other problems of life. There is no such thing as our “spiritual life” and then our “real life.” It is all one.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“The supernatural model had many variations. Charismatics sought instant healing and deliverance; others depended on the Holy Spirit to make the change happen as he lived his life through them. Exchanged-life people (those who hold that you just get out of the way so Christ can reproduce his life in you) as well as other very well-grounded students of the spiritual life trusted God to lead them and make changes in them.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“The experiential model held that you had to get to the pain in your life—find the abuse or the hurt—and then somehow “get it out.” Proponents of the more spiritual versions of this model either took the pain to Jesus or took Jesus to the pain. In a kind of emotional archaeology, people would dig up hurts from the past and then seek healing through prayer or imagery or just clearing out the pain. Proponents of this model emphasized Jesus’ ability to transcend time; he could be “there” with you in your pain or abuse and could change it.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“The truth model held that the truth would set you free. If you were not “free,” if some area of your life were not working, it must be because you lacked “truth” in your life. So the helper’s role was to urge you to learn more verses, memorize more Scripture, and learn more doctrine (particularly your “position in Christ”), and then all of this truth would make its way from your head to your heart and ultimately into your behavior and emotions. Passages that emphasize knowing truth, renewing your mind, and how you “think in your heart” became a new theology of “thinking truth to gain emotional health.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“The sin model said that all problems are a result of one’s sin. If you struggled in your marriage or with an emotional problem such as depression, the role of the helper was to find the sin and confront you, urging you to confess, repent, and sin no more. If you did that, you were sure to get better. It was like many three-point sermons I had heard in strong Bible churches: God is good. You’re bad. Stop it.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“His level of health and maturity could not be dependent on someone else’s. If it were, he would be a slave to someone else’s immaturity.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“A key component of growth is grace—enough grace to open up and bring things into the light to be healed. Because”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth

“the three elements of helpful evaluation are humility, forgiveness, and correction. None of these entail playing God.”
― Henry Cloud, How People Grow: What the Bible Reveals About Personal Growth