The Miserable Mill Quotes

“They're book addicts.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Optimist" is a word which here refers to a person, such as Phil, who thinks hopeful and pleasant thoughts about nearly everything. For instance, if an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say, in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well, this isn't too bad. I don't have my left arm anymore, but at least nobody will ever ask me whether I am right-handed or left-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of "Aaaaah! My arm! My arm!”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“I know what is going on," said Sir. "I am the Boss! Of course I know!”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Just knowing that they could read made the Baudelaire orphans feel as if their wretched lives could be a little brighter.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Sometime during your life—in fact, very soon—you may find yourself reading a book, and you may notice that a book’s first sentence can often tell you what sort of story your book contains.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“To Beatrice-
My love flew like a butterfly
Until death swooped down like a bat
As the poet Emma Montana McElroy said:
'That's the end of that”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“This knowledge sits in my heart, heavy as a paperweight.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“The expression 'quiet as mice' is a puzzling one, because mice can often be very noisy, so people who are being quite as mice may in fact be squeaking and scrambling around. The expression 'quiet as mimes' is more appropriate, because mimes are people who perform theatrical routines without making a sound. Mimes are annoying and embarrassing, but they are much quieter than mice, so 'quiet as mimes' is a more proper way to describe how Violet and Sunny got up from their bunk, tiptoed across the dormitory, and walked out into the night.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“As anyone who's ever been to a doctor knows, doctors are not necessarily your friends, any more than mail deliverers are you friends, or butchers are you friends, or refrigerator repair-people are you friends. A doctor is a man or woman whose job it is to make you feel better, that's all, and if you've ever had a shot you know that the statement 'Doctors can't hurt you' is simply absurd.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“It is much, much worse to receive bad news through the written word than by somebody simply telling you, and I’m sure you understand why. When somebody simply tells you bad news, you hear it once, and that’s the end of it. But when bad news is written down, whether in a letter or a newspaper or on your arm in felt tip pen, each time you read it, you feel as if you are receiving the news again and again. For instance, I once loved a woman, who for various reasons could not marry me. If she had simply told me in person, I would have been very sad, of course, but eventually it might have passed. However, she chose instead to write a two-hundred-page book, explaining every single detail of the bad news at great length, and instead my sadness has been of impossible depth. When the book was first brought to me, by a flock of carrier pigeons, I stayed up all night reading it, and I read it still, over and over, and it is as if my darling Beatrice is bringing me bad news every day and every night of my life. The Baudelaire orphans”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“In the vast majority of cases, however, getting into trouble has nothing to do with one's self-esteem. It usually has much more to do with whatever is causing the trouble - a monster, a bus driver, a banana peel, killer bees, the school principal - than what you think of yourself.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Raisins are healthy, and they are inexpensive, and some people may even find them delicious. But they are rarely considered helpful.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“If someone had told me, that day at the beach, that before long I'd find myself using my four teeth to scrape the bark off trees, I would have said they were psychoneurotically disturbed.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“The Baudelaire orphans looked worriedly out the window. They weren't very happy about just being dropped off in a strange place, as if they were a pizza being delivered instead of three children all alone in the world.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“As I'm sure you know, whenever there is a mirror around, it is almost impossible not to take a look at yourself. Even though we all know what we look like, we all like just to look at our reflections, if only to see how we're doing.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Klaus grinned. 'I'm sorry,' he said, 'but it was a very interesting book, and I'm so pleased that it's coming in handy.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“The word "dreadful," even when used three times in a row, did not seem like a dreadful enough word to describe everything that had happened.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“I'm sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much, and that it is what's on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on the inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does. Appearance matters a great deal, because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they present themselves.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Sunny did not eat the wood, of course, but she chewed on it and pretended it was a carrot, or an apple, or a beef and cheese enchilada, all of which she loved.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“It pain me to tell you that once again Count Olaf would appear with yet another disgusting scheme, and that Mr. Poe would once again fail to do anything even remotely helpful.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“They are stupid, aren't they?" Dr. Orwell agreed, as though they were talking about the weather instead of insulting young children.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“Remember, sometimes something might seem like bad news, but it could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“These brats know a lot of words,' Shirley said, in her ridiculously fake high voice. 'They're book addicts. But we can still create an accident and win the fortune!”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“-the phrase "lion's share" here means "the biggest part" and has nothing to do with lions or sharing-”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill

“A fair deal, as everyone knows, is when both people give something of more or less equal value. If you were bored with laying with your chemistry set, and you gave it to your brother in exchange for his dollhouse, that would be a fair deal. If someone offered to smuggle me out of the country in her sailboat, in exchange for free tickets to an ice show, that would be a fair deal. But working for years in a lumbermill in exchange for the owner's trying to keep Count Olaf away is an enormously unfair deal, and the three youngsters knew it.”
― Lemony Snicket, The Miserable Mill