'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy Quotes

“A teenage boy with a Mohawk sat across from me, sneering. I’d seen that look before. Why was it a problem to knit in public?
“My grandma knits.”
I ignored him.
“So what are you making, Grandma?” Mohawk’s voice was ugly.
I arched my eyebrow. “A cashmere cock ring. Your grandma ever knit one of those?”
The kid’s eyes grew wide, and he suddenly became very interested in a four-year-old issue of Teen Vogue.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." —Woody Allen”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Assassin fun fact #1:  Did you know you could kill someone with a simple overdose of table salt?”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Rule #1:  If you can make it look like someone else did it, go for it.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style." —Vladimir Nabokov”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Ita feri ut se mori sentiat." ("Strike him so that he can feel he is dying.") —Suetonius”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." —P. J. O'Rourke”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“There's something about dealing in death that brings out the maternal in me.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“I really hate latex gloves. It's like when you pump gas and get some on your hands, and you smell those chemical fumes all day. I hate that.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Death. The eternal blink. The capricious dance of Now You Stop Moving Forever. Well, contrary to popular belief, death isn't just for dead people. It can happen to anyone." —The Tick”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner." —Oscar Wilde”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Things are pretty black and white when your options are either live or die.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“We are all dead men on leave." —Eugene Levine, comedian”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“Kill with no mercy, love with suspicion.”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy

“On a large enough time line, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero." —Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club”
― Leslie Langtry, 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy