Jennifer’s Reviews > Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-to-Heart Connection > Status Update

Without true submission and obedience that flows from a loving connection with us, our children won't really be able to grow and develop the potential that we see and desire to draw out in them.

Remember, in the New Covenant we are governed by exercising self-control. Self control is driven by your values, by what is important to you. Out first identity and priority is found in our restored, intimate relationship with our Father. God wants us to be led 'by his eye.' The eyes are the windows to the heart.

It is the relationship with your children that helps keep their 'control module' strong. When hormones, peer pressure and culture are raging against your adolescents, they need the protection of being connected to your heart.

Three primary lessons that you want your child to learn--1) choices on the outside can hurt on the inside. That pain will motivate them to change their behavior in the future. 2) they are capable of creating solutions to their own problems. 3) parents are their sources of wisdom and help is always available for them as they go about creating these solutions.

Asking a good question is a far more powerful tool in leading children to a solution than telling them what you think. The solution will be amazing because it will be something that the child created.

The key difference between discipline and punishment is anger. Discipline has much to do with the presence of a disciple. It brings to the surface the very best that resides in the teacher. Discipline is about me reaching into your life and pulling the best of me to the surface in you.

You must help your child understand that noone can control him but Jim.

Making room for people to choose is what builds honor. When you meet the deep human need in your children to have some control, you communicate to them that their needs matter and that they are value. When you don't give them a choice, they either have to fight to get their needs met or they believe that their needs don't matter.

Freedom is only important because it is an essential requirement of the greater purpose for which we were created: love.

You want to be able to offer sadness when your child makes a mistake. Consequences are some of the best teachers. Sadness and empathy help keep the focus on the real problem--the poor choice--while sending the message that you care about the person who made it.