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Loving Our Kids on Purpose: Making a Heart-To-Heart Connection

4.42  ·  Rating details ·  1,675 ratings  ·  201 reviews
Here is a fresh look at the age-old role of parenting.Loving Our Kids on Purpose brings the principles of the Kingdom of God and revival into our strategy as parents. 2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us that Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Most parenting approaches train children to learn to accept being controlled by well meaning parents and adults. Unfortunatel ...more
Paperback, 185 pages
Published December 1st 2008 by Destiny Image Incorporated
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Average rating 4.42  · 
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 ·  1,675 ratings  ·  201 reviews

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Russ Smith
Sep 20, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Chapter 1, The heart of the matter
Basically about the focus of the book which is loving your kids instead of disciplining them. Changing from the paradigm of controlling kids, and making them act like you want them to act, and instead loving them, letting them choose, and helping them with the consequences. My first thought on this thought, was that I hope he explains, and goes into which age groups, and how much choice to give kids. It would be good to consider, exactly at what age, which choic
Bonnie Luttkus
Overall, I appreciated the basic premises of this book. So many great nuggets of truth in here. The book covers respect for our kids, loving them the way the new covenant loves us, eliminating fear and control from the relationship, etc.

The author is, however, a big supporter of Love and Logic and refers to it many times. I do take issue with that style. I appreciate the wonderful ideas of giving your children choices and equipping them with the skills they need to problem solve. I am concerned
Jun 11, 2015 rated it it was amazing
This is not only a great parenting book, it's a great relationship book. Danny Silk sets the goal for us of keeping connection with our children. A strong heart connection can weather many storms. We are not trying to control our children because we realize we can control no one but ourselves (and only ourselves on a good day). We honor our kids by giving them choices. We discipline out of love for the sake of teaching and maintaining a heart connection, instead of disciplining out of fear and a ...more
Apr 08, 2020 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: teaching, christian
I'm sure I will read this book at least once again. Awesome way of giving advices and teaching to love kids and not just. It was way beyond my expectations. Thank you Danny Silk for this book. ...more
Jun 22, 2015 rated it liked it
Shelves: christian, parenting
There are some good principles in this book. I appreciated the idea that we really need to work hard to love our kids and not simply try to control them. What bothered me is that many of the examples used felt like passive aggressive manipulation. Not love. Of course it is hard to capture the true experience into words on a page. I don't think the mixed messages were deliberate but much of the book just rubbed me the wrong way. It is a shame because I think there is a lot of good ideas in it but ...more
Jul 14, 2015 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I would give this book 6 stars if I could. My friend told me it was her all-time favorite parenting book and I can see why. I'm not a parent but we have a challenging child with us for 2 weeks. This book gave me insight into a different paradigm in parenting and dealing with people. It totally resonated with my heart. Through beginning to impliment some things I learned, this "difficult " child has been (mostly) a joy this past 1.5 weeks! We have enjoyed each other and made a heart connection. H ...more
Dec 10, 2011 rated it it was amazing
Similar in thought to Grace-Based Parenting, but with more practical ideas for how to actually put the theories into practice. I particularly liked Silk's emphasis on knowing and connecting to the heart of our children. Also, I wish that I had known some of his techniques when I was in the classroom. I think it would have saved me a lot of frustration and heartache. ...more
Julie Lindsey
Jan 03, 2021 rated it really liked it
Great gentle/respectful parenting book from a Christian perspective. Gives more of a broad perspective on the heart behind respectful parenting, and has just a few examples and stories which are mostly geared toward children and teens (not so much babies and toddlers).
Nov 27, 2019 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Need to listen to again. Great book about treating kids with respect and freedom. Some of it you have to be careful and not being legalistic.
Apr 01, 2010 rated it really liked it
Shelves: nonfiction, faith
Another non-fiction book? I think 2010 may be a record breaking year in that regard. A friend recommended this book to me and while the writing could be crisper and the examples could be fleshed out, I learned a lot from reading this book and found myself wishing that I'd read it years ago. That said, reading this book with a ten year old daughter who is entering a new phase is great timing. This book encouraged me that we can survive the teen age years if I work hard to stay connected to my dau ...more
Nov 09, 2017 rated it liked it
Danny’s explanation and encouragement of having a heart to heart connection with your children is on point. He emphasizes the importance of love being the number one priority and making a connection through love with your children. I also appreciated his perspective on how to teach your children to take ownership of their problems and to make decisions based on their internal compass. I plan to re-read this book when my children are nearing their pre-teen years.

I did not agree with all his disci
Jan 17, 2019 rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I have mixed feelings about this book.

Lessons I took from it: Give your kids choices, let them own their mistakes, help them think things through by asking questions rather than lecturing.

I liked many of the author's stories, but I suspect some of the dialogue was made up to sound better on paper.

I believe the author parents his children well. I am certainly adding some of his tools to my belt.

I was not a fan of some of his scripts for handling situations (they came across as cheesy to me) but i
I was looking for a book that would help me to articulate my instinctive distaste for using physical violence with children within a Christian culture that is still sadly unclear on this subject, and I found it within these pages.

It is unfortunate that the author would still allow for spanking in some circumstances but I am still rating it five stars because it was such a paradigm shift for me in terms of how I view my role as a parent and how to approach discipline.

At its core, the book raises
Joanna VanVleet
Aug 24, 2009 rated it it was amazing
I really found so much value in this book!! I had read 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' but still never understood how I was actually getting to the heart of a child and helping them desire to choose (from their heart rather than fear of consequence) good choices. This book was definitely a paradigm shift for me as it focuses more on love and relationships rather than on getting obedience and compliance. I know I cannot do justice to this book with a tiny review, but it really was instrumental in g ...more
Sarah Weichhand
Nov 07, 2009 rated it it was amazing
This book has the most incredibly simple layout for parents for teaching your children how to make choices rather than simply punishing them or controlling them out of fear. It is incredibly healing--for anyone who has ever BEEN parented--and it was not done perfectly! (And we know that's all of us!) This book draws a comparison between how God gives us choices and guidance as we grow in maturity in our walk with Him...and how parents can do the same. The focus is on relationship with the child- ...more
Emily Ventura
May 30, 2010 rated it did not like it
I had difficulty with his parenting technique. Often he let his children deal with the consequences and he got lucky that the consequences enforced the lessonfor instance, you tell your child "don't tip your chair, you might fall off" if they choose to continue to tip their chair and they fall off they learn their lesson. But what if they don't fall off-what's the lesson then? He never really explores what to do if the consequences of the child's choice does not create a lesson. ...more
Oct 13, 2013 rated it liked it
The overall message- that of treating children with grace and freedom- is both challenging and inspiring, but many of the examples they give are too American and too confusing to give a clear picture. There are some great thoughts within this book but also a lot of things I disagreed with or struggled to see the grace in.
Jillian Armstrong
Fantastic book! It gave me so many more “tools in my tool belt” with loving and training my kids. I specifically appreciated the perspective of freedom in relationship with our children and the explained differences between punishment and discipline. Plus just the overall heart behind parenting in a way that releases and empowers our kiddos.
Feb 05, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Without a doubt, one of the best books I've ever read. And it is applicable to far more than the parent/child relationship. Plan to re-read within the week and refer back to it often. (plus write a better review....) ...more
Nov 29, 2016 rated it really liked it
This actually wasn't quite a 4 star...maybe a 3.5. ...more
Jan 26, 2017 rated it really liked it
Really great info that helps shift perspective and provokes thought about how God parents us. Would like more practical how to chapters.
Becky Lange
Nov 28, 2018 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I really enjoyed this book and the perspective it offered on how to raise empowered children. It is one of those books that would be worth re-reading when the kids reach the teenage years as well.
Aug 25, 2020 rated it liked it
Shelves: parenting
I had an awful time reading the first half of the book (reasons at the end of the review), I wanted to give it up a few times, but than I was curious of the method (the practical part) as people have praised its efficacy. And I am glad I stayed around for it, it has been worthwhile, useful, clarifying.

I have found worthwhile the chapter on setting boundaries with our kids regarding our own needs, making them realise their needs are not the only ones existent, that there must be a “give-and-take
Dec 26, 2018 rated it liked it
This book deserves three stars for Silk’s discussion of parenting from a paradigm of love rather than fear or anger. This seems obvious, but so much of our knee-jerk reactions as parents come from a place of anger or fear that we’re failing as parents and our children aren’t turning out as we’d hoped. Thus, we try to control them through punishment. Such an approach is not rooted in love, which casts out fear. Silk’s discussion on these points was the most valuable part of the book. Beyond that, ...more
Hunter Brock
Aug 20, 2020 rated it liked it
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Aug 07, 2017 rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Read as a group for Bible study; having group discussion and other perspectives to talk about questions and practical ways to implement for various ages was helpful rather than reading this as a stand-alone parenting tool. Focus on discipling instead of punishing. The goal not to lose sight of is heart connection and training kids to think for themselves, giving them tools to learn freedom and self control, boundaries, owning their feelings and actions instead of blaming others, becoming powerfu ...more
Kelly Valencia-Aiken

Danny Silk did a PHENOMENAL job in “Loving Our Kids On Purpose.” He spoke of switching covenants and moving away from Old Testament punishment-oriented discipline and moving toward freedom and love, demonstrating sadness and empathy when children make wrong choices instead of fear and anger. This book is excellent even for those who do not have children, but want a deeper relationship with the Lord. The truths laid out were utterly profound! This was the first book I had read by
Dec 27, 2020 rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: my-books
Excellent parenting book. A parenting paradigm shift! Parenting to get to our children's hearts. Every parents desire. And this book helps us look at old thought processees that we grew up with that may not be conducive to building a relationship with our children. But the book doesn't just stop there. It gives another approach and explains how this will help connect our childrens' hearts to ours. I highly recommend. I need to reread it already!
I've chosen not to give specifics as I'll chop it u
This has been an interesting read, with my feelings going up and down. I recently started writing remarks in the margins of books I want to read thoroughly and the notes in this one range from “Yes! So true!” and “This has been going wrong in my upbringing!” to “You got to be kidding me!” and “Now you’re just being mean!”. (I tend to have a lot of exclamation marks in my notes.)

There are a lot of solid principles in this book, with the main takeaway that your relationship with your children shou
Robby Newton
Jun 26, 2019 rated it it was amazing
Incredible tools and insights into parenting and loving your children the best you can. Very practical emphasis on developing your children through connection instead of punishment. Danny Silk talks about helping our kids grow by being motivated internally instead of externally and showing them the heart of God for them to live in His absolute freedom. Highly recommend for both parents and just someone interested in relationships in general- there’s a ton of universal wisdom here.
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“When love and freedom replace punishment and fear as the motivating forces in the relationship between parent and child, the quality of life improves dramatically for all involved. They feel safe with each other, and the anxiety that created distance in the relationships is chased away by the sense of love, honor, and value for one another.” 0 likes
“In one fell swoop, Jesus promoted relationship above the rules. Love and relationship are the bottom line of the Kingdom, and they must be ours if we wish to establish a Kingdom culture in our homes.” 0 likes
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