Daniel Shellenbarger’s Reviews > Emma > Status Update

Frank Churchill poisoned Mrs. Churchill, open and shut case: the timing fits, he had the motivation, I'm sure a sneaky clever young fellow like him could come up with the means, and given Mrs. Churchill's history of medical complaints, I'm sure there were plenty of medicines he could've tampered with... and he got away with it. No one even suspected. He murdered his aunt to be with the woman he loved.

Oh my gosh, sound the trumpets, we actually have a plot!

Two things I've figured out about this book that I find strange: First, Emma, the protagonist, is the least dramatically-involved character in it as most of the plot happens to other people. Second, the book is far more interested in its characters than it is in telling a story. The characters are very memorable and I've chuckled to myself imagining how I'd cast them, but the story is BLAH, almost nothing happens.

Also, I insist that Miss Bates have someone who follows behind her with a good-size padded stick and gives her a bit of a whack every few sentences to force her to take a breath and start a new paragraph.

Anyone else want to raze and burn Maple Grove to the ground and salt the earth underneath it in hopes that Mrs. Elton will never mention it again? Oh, better idea, invite the Royal Society of Effete British Snobs to Maple Grove and have them just absolutely excoriate the place, make it a public byword so anyone who so much as mentions it becomes a social pariah. THAT might work.

Ha, good progress, and I met a character (Mrs. Elton) I disliked more than the heroine, so that always helps. it's like Austen realized the best way to make Emma likeable was to introduce a character like Emma but without any of her positive points and who takes her foibles to more of an extreme. Still, the story could DEFINITELY do with a locked room murder mystery.

There IS a character in this book with whom I readily identify: John Knightley: dislikes socializing, just wants to be at home with his comforts, and hates being dragged along to parties.

Hmmm, Emma doesn't like Mrs. Elton because she's opinionated and snobbish and wants to run everybody's affairs... that sounds awfully familiar... Now I wonder WHO else in this book is like that? WHO!?!!? Do YOU know who it could be EMMA? I'll give you a hint: it's not the interdimensional shapeshifting cosmic horror pianoforte.

Mr. Woodhouse is... an interesting character. He is so one-note in his personality that he's basically a running gag, but he's also such a wet blanket that the gag isn't really that funny a lot of the time. He's like if Marvin the Robot from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was less self-aware, had no sarcastic wit, and thought he was the life of the party.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot, and the Spanish Inquisition! Unfortunately, with her predilection for manipulation and jumping to conclusions, Emma would probably get along swimmingly with them