Rai (is hard to please) > Recent Status Updates

“My deliciously dark prince sprawled out and waiting for me to be his even darker king.”

Did Andrews never have an emo phase or sumn? It’s giving “what a basic bitch thinks is edgy”

“Yeah, I’m a dirty bastard.”
Ick.

“I’m going to bind your hands with a zip tie.”
TF??? NO. THATS NOT BDSM APPROVED YOU FUCKING POSER

“He was blessed with a bubble butt, and no other ass had ever come close to his.”

Until 💫 Saige 💫
(bite me)

“I hit play, and rock music drifted from my phone, hard and angry, just like me.”

LMAOOOOO

“Exposing myself emotionally wouldn’t get me anything, except my ass on a hospital bed in an emergency room.”

… that’s rough, buddy

“Breaking eye contact first, like he fucking should.”

🙄 yes, you’re so big and powerful. happy now?

Okay, I don’t like any of these fuckers. But Sloan dueling an old man with produce in the grocery store is kinda cute

“Bet your ass I showed those old broads my muscles.”

32% in before any of these fuckers did sumn I actually find charming

“Now I had to figure out what was going on with the plants in this town.”

Her powers are corrupting??

“I might disagree with their concerns, but I saw no reason to upset them. Making some placating noises, I assured them as best I could.”

Why are you acting like they’re crazy as if you’re some type of normie or summ

“ My life is now complete. I share a birthday with a giant cat named Poopsie. Will the blessings never cease.”

First green tab!!!

“A soul so pure soon possessed.”

Obvi this is referring to Saige but it’s be a better twist of it was the depressed kid

“You should never have to fucking obey a person to deserve their love or be spared their wrath.”

🎉🎉 first yellow highlight

“I don’t play games. I am the fucking monster in this room. All of the rooms.”

ITS SO UNSERIOUS I CANT SGRKYNVADO

“Her perfect grin made my stomach flip and my dick start to wake up.”

Who told Andrews that it was attractive for her H’s to hypersexualize literally everything her h does?

Suddenly, I felt the need to get close to this woman. Opening my mouth, the words just spilled out.
“Saige, would you like to go out to dinner with me?”

So much insta love/lust

“Women, now, they were problematic. Beautiful, no doubt, but also vindictive and fake, and I didn’t want anything to do with relationships.”

Just a cute little dose of misogyny 🤪

“ Hmm, he might need a session soon, too. Fuck, I hope so.”

Ooooh. Bdsm. Gotcha.

“For the second time in my life, I couldn’t get a single fucking emotion off of someone.”

Did I sign up for poly Twilight??

“Oh, fuck a duck! I hope he can’t see lust because it would look like four dicks floating around my head.”

Brb. Checking if there’s an editor accredited for this train wreck.

“Mave! What’s wrong with you? Unless we’re snuggling in bed, you act like you’re too good for me, but now you’re getting all possessive.”

It’s. So. Unnatural.

“Before I could process what I was doing, I ran my hand through his hair.”
Dude???????

“I was just thinking about how you’re the definition of a beefcake, then I got focused on that glorious nest of curls…”
Listen: airheads aren’t endearing. Cut it out.

“We can say we wanted to stay here because we didn’t want to deal with seeing any competing firms or giving away that we’re looking at the property.”

Except, if that were the case, you wouldn’t be handing that info out to anyone who asks.
You’re blowing your cover by telling ppl your cover.
Then again, ppl are idiots. So whatever.

“My thoughts drifted once again to Saige, the way she effortlessly bantered and flirted with me through text, how she made me smile. Something told me that she would be different from any other witch we’d ever met, and I couldn’t wait until the guys figured out that she’d be coming to hang out with us today.”

Once again: Met once. For 20 minutes.

“Brooooo, my nuts just abandoned their happy dangly nest and moved into my stomach.”

Tell me you don’t know how to write dialogue without telling me

“I couldn’t stop grinning to myself and hoping that these guys could be new friends... and Kai might be a little more?”

You met once for like… 20 minutes.

“Do not even judge me for that; nightgowns were created by a saint of a woman who liked to catch a breeze, and they’re comfy as fuck.”

Stop. Just stop. I’m begging you.

“Bring it in every so often when you think of it, and I can do a cleanse.”

Bullshit. She can cleanse it herself just fine.

“This town might not be so bad after all.”

…. bc she called you out for being an ass??? Has no one done that to you before??
Stop trying to make characters out to be special for having normal human attributes.

“Ugh! Alright, Saige, time to let this dude know that you’re not a pushover. Do not let him intimidate you.”
For the love of god, reel in the asides.

“Kai bent forward, holding his stomach.”
It’s embarrassing that y’all found that funny. It wasn’t even a good burn. Middle schoolers can and have done better