Enthusiastic Reader > Recent Status Updates

"Going from being an awkward child to a relatively attractive young woman changed my life in a lot of positive ways."

"The emotional labor required to be respectable, to never ruffle anyone's feathers, to not get angry enough to challenge much less confront those who might have harmed you, is incredibly onerous precisely because it is so dehumanizing."

"Propriety has become a governing philosophy in media, the workplace, and the academy, especially for Black women as they age."

Oo, I thought this was going to be about fiction. Whoopsie!

However, these behaviors don't HAVE to be gendered. My husband and I hold doors for each other. And whoever cooks dinner often prepares both plates.

What occurred to me is that my husband sometimes makes a point of telling me that he doesn't EXPECT me to make his plate. But that it makes him feel special when I do. And I know what he means, because it makes me feel special when he chooses to do that for me.

Living in a rural, low-income, mostly-white community, I see this around me a lot as well. There are similar behaviors that men perform for women as gestures of respect (opening doors, etc.) and I really like the way Kendall contextualizes it as a way to push back against the disrespect from mainstream culture based on socioeconomic status.

Because of a lack of respect elsewhere, the men in these scenarios value a measure of subservience and submission from women that is intended to make up for what they can't receive in the wider world. Customs that seem to directly contradict feminism, like making a man's plate and serving it to him, are part of a configuration of norms, values, and habits that are, at their core, mainstream inside the community.

Kendall shares a story about her stepfather asking her how her husband felt about her hysterectomy. And her response was that it was her body, and her husband didn't get a vote.

And like... while mostly I agree... there's also the fact that other people get to have their feelings. And also, when it's your life partner, your decisions affect their life. I'm SO blessed that I have someone who values communication.

"Which option is healthiest when your choices are tap water with lead in it, bottled water that already carries an additional tax, overpriced juice, milk being sold past the sell-by date, and soda?"

"Fitness is a much better measure of health [than weight], and one that requires a multipronged approach that's much more labor intensive than a tax [on soda, for example]. It includes children having access not just to recess at school, but to safe neighborhoods where playing outside doesn't put them at a greater risk of violence."

"You can't be a feminist who ignores hunger."

"eviction rates and the price of food continue to rise all while wages remain stagnant, and the cycle gets even harder to navigate. Especially when work requirements are introduced, ones which ignore that childcare is a necessity for women with very young children... Paid maternity leave is a wonderful cause, but what happens after the baby is born and you weren't making enough money to support one person...?"

"we need to invest in becoming the kind of society where resolutions to disputes, safety concerns, and crimes aren't reliant on someone's access to a weapon. That means shifting our cultural assumptions about what constitutes safety, as well as changing our public and private policies to minimize the overreliance on violence as a solution."

"We are part of the society that we are fighting to change, and we cannot absolve ourselves of our role in it."

"As equal partners, there is room for negotiation, compromise, and sometimes even genuine friendship. Building those connections takes time, effort, and a willingness to accept that some places are not for you."

true solidarity REQUIRES equal partnership

"in reality the enemy of my enemy may be my enemy as well. Being caught between groups that hate you for different aspects of your identity means none of you are safe."

Sisterhood is a mutual relationship between equals... Family (whether biological or not) is supposed to support you. But that doesn't mean no one can ever tell you that you're wrong.

"their quest for equal pay starts for equal access to education and opportunity."

"While white feminism can lean in, can prioritize the CEO level at work, it fails to show up when Black women are not being hired because of their names or fired for their hairstyles. It's silent when schools discriminate against girls of color... white feminism tends to forget that a movement that claims to be for all women has to engage with the obstacles women who are not white face."

xvi - "What I do have is a deep desire to move the conversation about solidarity and the feminist movement in a direction that recognizes that an intersectional approach to feminism is key to improving relationships between communities of women, so that some measure of true solidarity can happen."

xv - "But niceness is more than helping; it is stopping to listen, to connect, to be gentle with your words."

That is really interesting, because I don't use "nice" that way; when I say it, it's more about being conventionally acceptable; performing social niceties. Her definition is mostly positive; mine leans strongly negative.

xii - "I enjoy knowing that my choices won't be acceptable to everyone."

Interesting! For me, while it doesn't bother me, the fact that my choices aren't always acceptable to others generally has made me disappointed in THEM, not in myself or my choices. I try to think about my choices and my actions, and that means I'm usually comfortable owning them.

xi - "Being skeptical of those who promise they care but do nothing to help those who are marginalized is a life skill that can serve you well when your identity makes you a target."