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Victims of cheating often feel, "Before, I believed it was us against the world; now I realize I am alone”

Freedom from accountability means that the abusive man considers himself above criticism. If his partner attempts to raise her grievances, she is "nagging" or "provoking" him.

Physical caretaking is the focus of the more traditionally minded abuser. He expects his partner to make dinner for him the way he likes it, look after the children, clean the house, and perform an endlessly continuing list of additional tasks. He sees her essentially as an unpaid servant.

Interwoven with the abuser's overvaluation of his own work is the devaluation of his partner's labor. My clients grumble to me: "I don't know what the hell she does all day. I come home and the house is a mess, the children haven't been fed, and she's talking on the telephone. She spends her time watching soap operas."

“Not that you lied to me, but that I no longer believe you, has shaken me.”
—Friedrich Nietzsche, philosopher

“I can’t sleep at night, and every time I think about it my stomach churns. I want to throw up. I can’t sleep and I can’t work either. I don’t know if I can take it.”

“men who are violent toward other men are often victims of child abuse but the connection is much less clear for men who assault women.”

“Part of how the abuser escapes confronting himself is by convincing you that you are the cause of his behavior”

“AN ABUSER'S BEHAVIOR IS PRIMARILY CONSCIOUS-HE ACTS like DELIBERATELY RATHER THAN BY ACCIDENT OR BY LOSING CONTROL OF HIMSELF-BUT THE UNDERLYING THINKING THAT DRIVES HIS BEHAVIOR IS LARGELY NOT CONSCIOUS.”