Status Updates From Knee High by the Fourth of ...

“How much do I owe you?”

Kennie chuckled. “Honey, consider me your drug dealer. The first one’s free, and once I get you hooked, we talk prices.

The sand, I knew from painful experience, would be glass-making hot this time of day. Sunlight shimmered bright off the smooth surface of the lake, so bright I couldn’t look straight at it.

I wondered whether people chose animals who looked like them, or whether we all just started looking like our pets after awhile.

the only thing worse than a sloppy kisser is a man who kisses and tells.

“You’re a feisty one.”

“Not so much. Bitter is probably a better word.

“Mira! Two run-ins in under twenty-four hours. Fate must be bringing us together.”

“It’s a small town,” I grumbled. “It’s gravity bringing us together.”

The three-room brick building was stifling. The open windows allowed in the pizza-oven hot air of the late morning, and the lazy ceiling fan circulated it down into my face.

Certain that my car ignition had turned into the bake switch on an oven, I decided to walk.

I let myself in and helped myself to a glass of vodka on ice.

That had been my dad’s favorite drink, minus the ice.

I could see where a person could get used to it. The slightly medicinal taste felt good going down, disinfecting your memories and blotting out dark thoughts.

people never did for themselves—landscapers had the messiest yards, chefs rarely ate at home, and carpenters’ houses were never finished.

fuzzy bumblebees the size of peanut M & Ms

“You’re on birth control, right?”

“Ha!” I thought of my Battle Lake dating options, which took all of a half second. “That’d be like wearing a parachute while you’re driving.”

My initial thought was ohmygod, better her than me, but my sporadically effective social filter managed to click down in the nick of time.

Fourth of July traffic is notoriously dangerous. People are excited, drunk, and looking at the sky. It’s a bad time to be on a bike,

Women had earned the right to vote in 1920 and eighty years later had apparently traded it in for the freedom to be cute.

don’t eat anything that can get stuck in your teeth. Stick to low-fat, low-carb, leaf-free dishes like carrots, boiled chicken, and lean steak. When he smiles at you, he doesn’t want to see the broccoli smiling back!

I had long ago decided choosing which condom to buy was like picking which dish to order at a Mexican restaurant—they might have different names, but they’re all the same inside.

For an example of the small town gossip train, last month, I ordered a caffeine-free Coke instead of my usual Classic Coke with my lunch at the Turtle Stew. Three hours later, Gina phoned me at the library to ask if I was pregnant.