Status Updates From Knee High by the Fourth of ...

First, I’d like to thank my poor TV reception. If not for a pitiable selection of channels, I would write much less. Second, I’d like to extend a heartfelt thanks to my lackluster social life. Because of those endless nights at home, Knee High was able to see the light of day.

Cliffhanger!

bedroom had a bed so tightly made, the spread looked like a tourniquet.

~~~~~

In Minnesota, there is no law requiring someone to bring another person to the hospital, no matter how dire their straits, so the death of Liam Anderson was ruled an accident, and no charges were filed.

enormous Virgin Mary on the side of the road.

…peek inside her cupped hands.

that’s when I knew how I would nail Brando.
Divine inspiration, indeed.

“You two took Ole, but not Wenonga?” That would be like breaking into a chocolate store and only stealing the money.

~~~~~

all gravel in Minnesota leads to blacktop eventually—

I dashed back into the rain. It had let up from “firehose in the sky” to “water pressure in the average double-wide,”

why is someone stealing schlocky statues?

“Maybe they want to build the world’s largest mini golf course?”

The thunder was the only sound loud enough to trump the shovelfuls of rain hammering down. Battle Lake was getting itself cleaned behind the ears,

I wondered if he was like olives. You had to work really hard to like them, but once you did, you couldn’t get enough.

“It’s Mira, like, ‘you better stand clear-a.’”

Gas-guzzling metal Viagra: Hummer

It was too hot, and underwear under jeans or pants had always felt like wearing diapers to me.

I considered setting the sprinkler in the garden, but it was still 103 degrees, according to my thermometer, and the water would evaporate before it’d soak in.

“As soon as you so much as look sideways at a guy, his life is in the shitter. You’re bad luck ten ways from Sunday.”

“You’re right.”

“What? You’re going to give up like that? I am not right. I’m just a bitchy old woman. Go fix this.“

“It’s not noon yet. That was my deadline.”

“Deadlines are for the weak and undisciplined. Where are my articles?”

“I’ll thank you to keep the library out of your love life in the future.”

“My tax dollars pay for this library, too, little missy, so as long as I have a library card, I will use it as I please.”

No $h!t?

Not even a little turd.

“Bloodthirsty flying knives” = mosquitoes 😅

“How much do I owe you?”

Kennie chuckled. “Honey, consider me your drug dealer. The first one’s free, and once I get you hooked, we talk prices.

The sand, I knew from painful experience, would be glass-making hot this time of day. Sunlight shimmered bright off the smooth surface of the lake, so bright I couldn’t look straight at it.

I wondered whether people chose animals who looked like them, or whether we all just started looking like our pets after awhile.

the only thing worse than a sloppy kisser is a man who kisses and tells.

“You’re a feisty one.”

“Not so much. Bitter is probably a better word.

“Mira! Two run-ins in under twenty-four hours. Fate must be bringing us together.”

“It’s a small town,” I grumbled. “It’s gravity bringing us together.”

The three-room brick building was stifling. The open windows allowed in the pizza-oven hot air of the late morning, and the lazy ceiling fan circulated it down into my face.

Certain that my car ignition had turned into the bake switch on an oven, I decided to walk.

I let myself in and helped myself to a glass of vodka on ice.

That had been my dad’s favorite drink, minus the ice.

I could see where a person could get used to it. The slightly medicinal taste felt good going down, disinfecting your memories and blotting out dark thoughts.

people never did for themselves—landscapers had the messiest yards, chefs rarely ate at home, and carpenters’ houses were never finished.

fuzzy bumblebees the size of peanut M & Ms

“You’re on birth control, right?”

“Ha!” I thought of my Battle Lake dating options, which took all of a half second. “That’d be like wearing a parachute while you’re driving.”