Status Updates From Knee High by the Fourth of ...

bedroom had a bed so tightly made, the spread looked like a tourniquet.

~~~~~

In Minnesota, there is no law requiring someone to bring another person to the hospital, no matter how dire their straits, so the death of Liam Anderson was ruled an accident, and no charges were filed.

enormous Virgin Mary on the side of the road.

…peek inside her cupped hands.

that’s when I knew how I would nail Brando.
Divine inspiration, indeed.

“You two took Ole, but not Wenonga?” That would be like breaking into a chocolate store and only stealing the money.

~~~~~

all gravel in Minnesota leads to blacktop eventually—

I dashed back into the rain. It had let up from “firehose in the sky” to “water pressure in the average double-wide,”

why is someone stealing schlocky statues?

“Maybe they want to build the world’s largest mini golf course?”

The thunder was the only sound loud enough to trump the shovelfuls of rain hammering down. Battle Lake was getting itself cleaned behind the ears,

I wondered if he was like olives. You had to work really hard to like them, but once you did, you couldn’t get enough.

“It’s Mira, like, ‘you better stand clear-a.’”

Gas-guzzling metal Viagra: Hummer

It was too hot, and underwear under jeans or pants had always felt like wearing diapers to me.

I considered setting the sprinkler in the garden, but it was still 103 degrees, according to my thermometer, and the water would evaporate before it’d soak in.

“As soon as you so much as look sideways at a guy, his life is in the shitter. You’re bad luck ten ways from Sunday.”

“You’re right.”

“What? You’re going to give up like that? I am not right. I’m just a bitchy old woman. Go fix this.“

“It’s not noon yet. That was my deadline.”

“Deadlines are for the weak and undisciplined. Where are my articles?”

“I’ll thank you to keep the library out of your love life in the future.”

“My tax dollars pay for this library, too, little missy, so as long as I have a library card, I will use it as I please.”

No $h!t?

Not even a little turd.

“Bloodthirsty flying knives” = mosquitoes 😅