Status Updates From Mort (Discworld #4)

”THERE WILL BE, said Death, IF I CAN FIND THE DAMN PLACE.
Mort walked around the lectern and peered at the map.
‘You’re going to sink the ship?’ he said.
Death looked horrified.
CERTAINLY NOT. THERE WILL BE A COMBINATION OF BAD SEAMANSHIP, SHALLOW WATER AND A CONTRARY WIND.”

”Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps its the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe its just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder.”

“WHERE THE FIRST PRIMAL CELL WAS, THERE WAS I ALSO. WHERE MAN IS, THERE AM I.
WHEN THE LAST LIFE CRAWLS UNDER FREEZING STARS, THERE WILL I BE.
‘Ah,’ said Lezek, ‘you get about a bit, then.’”

”THANK YOU, BOY, said the skull. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Uh, said Mort, Mortimer . . . sir. They call me Mort.
WHAT A COINCIDENCE, said the skull. HELP ME UP, PLEASE.”

'Then you go and learn a trade,' said Lezek.
'What trade in particular?'
‘Well . . . carpentry is a good one,' Lezek hazarded. 'Or thievery. Someone's got to do it.'

”There's thousands of lads in the world'd be very thankful for a nice warm —' Lezek paused, and gave up – 'garment like that, my lad. '
'I could share it with them?' Mort said hopefully.
'You've got to look smart,' said Lezek severely. 'You've got to make an impression, stand out in the crowd. '
There was no doubt about it. He would.”

'You ought to set him to a trade,' said Hamesh, reflectively. 'The priesthood, maybe. Or wizardry. They do a lot of reading, wizards. '
They looked at each other. Into both their minds stole an inkling of what Mort might be capable of if he got his well-meaning hands on a book of magic.
'All right,' said Hamesh hurriedly. 'Something else, then. There must be lots of things he could turn his hand to.'

”Reannuals are plants that grow backwards in time. You sow the seed this year and they grow last year.
Mort's family specialised in distilling the wine from reannual grapes.”

”His name is Death.
But not any Death. This is the Death whose particular sphere of operations is, well, not a sphere at all, but the Discworld, which is flat and rides on the back of four giant elephants who stand on the shell of the enormous star turtle Great A'Tuin, and which is bounded by a waterfall that cascades endlessly into space.”