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But how much love, Lord, how much love I experienced in those dreams of mine, in those "escapes into everything beautiful and lofty": though it was a fantastical love, thoughit was never in reality applied to anything human, there was so much of it, this love, that afterwards, in reality, I never even. felt any need to apply it; that would have been an unnecessary luxury.

This was the point, that I blindly believed then that through some mir-acle, some external circumstance, all this would suddenly extend, expand; suddenly a horizon of appropriate activity would present itself, beneficent, beautiful, and, above all, quite ready-made

Dreams came to me with a particular sweetness and intensity after a little debauch, they came with repentance and tears, with curses and ecstasies. There were moments of such positive rapture, such happiness, that not even the slightest mockery could be fetin me, by God. There was faith, hope, love.

On the way up to his fourth-floor apartment, I was precisely thinking that I was a burden to this gentleman and that I shouldn't be going to him.