Status Updates From Yes, And (The One, #4)

“So you’re a little bit of a fuckaround,” as John put it. “Everyone has their thing. It’s not like you’re a smoker.”
Having an emotional affair , cool. Smoker? Not cool. Lmao. I love his priorities.

At one time it would have been I would never leave you, period. But by now I could see why the women left. He was kind, brilliant, gentle—and stuck.

and eventually I was forced to admit I might be both knowable and lovable, if only by this one man.

which is where I discovered that glorious by-product of indie subculture known as the Lanky Boy.

Hey, easy on the vows and nevers. Life is long and wide.

monogamish - monogamous, with exceptions within mutually negotiated parameters (from writer Dan Savage)

A good improviser doesn't react to a scenario by denying it or complaining about it; instead, she accepts and builds on it.

On the other end of addiction, time rolls out like golden ribbon. It's only the return of what was lost, but it feels like bonus time.

I soon saw that in drinking to cope with shame and anxiety, I'd done nothing but make more of both.

Sam and I existed in that blissful state called the verge, in a curated intimacy without chores or budgets or family visits. We were too close to fully idealize each other, but not close enough to know the worst.

I was promoted killingly close to the boys' table, where I then languished for years. Sam had a seat at that table, but was too Lanky to really use it.

"I would kill to have the access you do. And you don't even appreciate it."

I wanted to marry John, not merge with him. The dread of being subsumed hit me hard & fast and didn't vanish until after the rehearsal.

"Did you think about putting the brakes on?"

"Well, no. I just hoped I'd turn out to be wrong."

"So were you wrong?"

"The wrongest I've ever been."

I wanted to be loved, not invaded

they overlapped mostly via domestic transactions: lawns moved, dinners cooked.

~~~~~

I grew up assuming all marriages were long silences punctuated by chores

Maybe my secret was just that marriage doesn't fill every space inside us.

this book is crazy