Status Updates From Notes from the Underground

I could even have forgiven a beating, but I simply could not forgive his moving me and in the end just not noticing me.

in my soul I have never been a coward, though I constantly turned coward in reality, but-don't laugh too quickly, there's an explanation for that; rest assured, I have an explanation for everything.

My debauchery I undertook solitarily, by night, covertly, fearfully, filthily, with a shame that would not abandon me at the most loathsome moments, and at such moments even went so far as a curse. I was then already bearing the underground in my soul. I was terribly afraid of somehow being seen, met, recognized. I used to frequent various rather murky places.

Finished "Underground"... less of a story more philosophy rant, but really intriguing... had to read and re-read and read again multiple times but I loved it.

Theres a line that floored me, really specific to this book and mindset I want to share, will update when I find it from my notes.

It's perfectly clear to me now that it was I who, owing to my boundless vanity, and hence also my exactingness towards myself, very often looked upon myself with furious dissatisfaction, reaching the point of loathing, and therefore mentally attributed my view to everyone else.

Finally: I'm bored, and I constantly do nothing. And writing things down really seems like work. They say work makes a man good and honest.

You know what, though: I'm convinced that our sort, the underground ones, ought to be kept on a tether. Though we're capable of sitting silently in the underground for forty years, once we do come out and let loose, we talk, talk, talk ...

whether it’s good or bad, it’s sometimes also very pleasant to break something

Well yes