Status Updates From Undercover - An Austen Noir

Loving this Noir style P&P! It's 🔥!

Wait, that guy in the South Pacific actually is dead? What? What the hell!

* good riddance

Not "good ridden."

HOLY TOLEDO again, her parents STILL don't know she's alive!!!

She'll tell them...someday. JFC.

Ho-ly... Toledo. 3 babies from the same guy.

Also, again, adoption and "forgetting" were the style of the time.

And even her best friend couldn't be told anything? But you'll be totally honest now? Agh! Either the baby is a secret or it isn't. ... How would Liz's mother have found out? She hates her drunken apathetic mother. And she couldn't whip out the ol' "brb in 9 mos, taking care of elderly aunt."

"... [the waitress's] quirky tiara-shaped hat tilted to one side."

AKA the servant girl hat that was standard for parlor maids, nurses, and waitresses for the first half of the 20th century. Quirky makes it sound like a voluntary hipster affectation.

Also ew, Wickham spawned with 2/5 Bennet sisters.

Charlie's too swell to have his heart broken by an adulterous wife, so we'll keep mum. But he's not a total idiot, so he'll figure it out eventually, and then he feel betrayed by his wife AND his friends who kept a huge secret from him!

Ew. So not only is Jane possibly a bigger bitch than Lady Mary Crawley, of course she even did some stalking of Slick Wick. And, I guess, cheated on Bingley.

You know, he was a sweet natures guy like Jane originally. Why aren't they both jerks now?

"That's a silly question. ..."

There wasn't a question! Actually, you're the only one who asked any questions! Wth!

He kisses her in front of her family! Shocking! "Unthinkable -- unimaginable!"

That sounds like a litany of humblebragging. Oh, it doesn't matter how gigantic my diamond ring is, how wealthy and connected my fiancé is, and when WE have kids it'll be a sign of OUR LOVE.

A more scandalous, edgy plot to mirror the original 'race to save Lydia from herself' would have revealed that sooner and had her seeking an illegal abortion.

Or in a period appropriate dissonant twist, her trying to keep the baby but family insisting on adopting it away, never to be spoken of again.

When did Liz ever tell him he hadn't done it? Comforted him, sure, but never suggested Wick lied.

Bingo! What do I win?

LOL yes that sensitive Darcy.

Pretty sure the whole Soviet kidnapping and blackmail thing wasn't foreseen by anyone, and maybe G shouldn't feel so bad about being taken in.

Also, HELLO PEOPLE she was tied to a bed for several days!

Real Darcy was never this big of a prick even when his sister messed up. Wait wait, this will be the bonding moment between the girls that earns G's loyalty. (Or maybe they'll hate each other forever! Because why not split apart close relationships just to be different?)

Oh thank god. Finally. Good job, Liz!

And I hope Darcy was snapping because Georgiana was actually using a really sarcastic faux-surprised voice, because hmmm. Woman staying with us. Sleeping in bro's room. Wearing Mon's old diamond ring. What could be going on here? Hmm.

Good thing Eli is a bold, independent woman who doesn't need a man to take the lead in a conversation that needs to include an announcement to his sister that they're engaged!

She lives with you! It's not going to be a Thanksgiving surprise for her.

"Loving her was easy, telling her - not so much."

Except for the ten trillion other times up to now.

Just saying.

Shyeah. All that travel and rescuing sure did take it out of Eli and Darcy (how come she's not Eli anymore ever? That was her nickname... Even though Eli as her business name would make more sense than Elizabeth). Good thing they retreat to his room so she can cry.

Kidnapped, betrayed Georgiana is on her own.

Chinese girl caricature!