Status Updates From The Pirate of Fathoms Deep ...

L: *is confused, should be doing 3 years labor?? What work is out here in nowhere?*
"He'd actually recommended Shemal to be shipped to Fathoms Deep, which always needed more labor." Oh my God, he tried to keep him close 👀

L: "I don't suppose you have any weapons beyond your fish knife?"
Sh: nope, conditions of the pardon
(Is being good boy)
L: "When has that ever stopped any of you?" He is being a good & redeemed boy, Lesto! Stop being rude
Sh: where would I even get a weapon out here tbh
L: "Why *are* you out here?"
Sh: Am finished pardon, not that it's your business

Z: Genuinely understands bad stuff has been done and tries to fix it, a good boy

Sh: we have to walk for a few days until we can get horses
L: wow I already miss being a spoiled brat, damn

L: "You're right. That was not my intent, but it little matters. My apologies." A man who knows when & how to apologize, we stan.
"For what little it's worth, that's a problem we've been trying to fix. Of late, the High Consort has been helping." 👏🏼 Allen! Is! Helping! 👏🏼
"I truly am sorry."

L: ok but why aren't you helping them?
Sh: "Because even when I was a pirate, I didn't hold with treating people like things. Unlike the rest of you corp--"
L: "Corpse fuckers, yes."
Sh: actually!! You don't get to name light of my anger! When your fucking military is kidnapping my people to die in your stupid wars!! 😡

You know what's interesting?
This means I'm now reading 2 books where a main character is missing an eye bc one of the guys in I Have Lost My Way is one-eyed as well
Z: Ha that's fun I love when that happens
Me: Even with books, it's a small world full of coincidence

"If they were, they'd have realized they've kidnapped High Commander Lesto Arseni of the Imperial Army of the Harken Empire, Duke of Fathoms Deep, and best friend of the High King." How did they manage that, btw??
Drugs, my guy, drugs.
Z: Also poor depth perception on Lesto's part
Me: Oh yes also that, the poor boy

"If they were, they'd have realized they've kidnapped High Commander Lesto Arseni of the Imperial Army of the Harken Empire, Duke of Fathoms Deep, and best friend of the High King." How did they manage that, btw??
Drugs, my guy, drugs.

Sh: don't get comfy, we have to go before "those corpse fucking cretins" come back w/ horses & who ever they didn't want to say they were meeting in town
Shemal be knowing things, smart 👀
L: Meeting? Who?
Sh: whoever told them to do this, those halfwits aren't the thinking type, you may've noticed

Z: How would you possibly know! My dude!
Me: You literally met him! One time!

"If Lesto didn't know any better, he would think he'd hurt Shemal's feelings. (You definitely did then.)
"But he definitely knew better." (Do you though?) "Shemal didn't care about anything but a quick fuck and bragging rights." (You *sure*?)

Z: Don't yell at him he'll just want to have sex again
Me: you're so right 😂

Sh: Come inside
L, snarling: "First, I'm taking a damned piss." *stomps away to Shemal's laughter*
I just love that Lesto is as mad as a wet cat and Shemal is unfazed & amused
Z: Very embarrassed to be tied up the first time he sees his crush again
Me: valid
L: *glares at Shemal's tonic*
Sh: just drink it, I'm trying to help
L: Had enough drugging!
Sh: "Shut the fuck up and drink it."

Z: Eventually there will be less ties you must decide what state you would like to be in then Me: Either you help me now with the ties, or I will help myself with the ties, and you will be sorry

Sh: Never seen that lord guy, but I assume you look nothing alike
L: he has an eyepatch....on the other eye. "Could you untie me?"
Sh: "Are you going to attack me?" I need trouble from you no more than from them
L, having asked nicely Once: "If you keep not untying me, you're going to have a whole lot of trouble the moment I get myself free." 😅

Sh: *going through the 5 stages of grief* (recognition, disbelief, anger)
L: ah, such pretty teal eyes
Sh: "You're still in uniform!"
L: "I'm aware." Of the people who know this, he is one of them
But the kidnappers, are not. Apparently.

L: the 2 greatest morons on the continent decided I was a spoiled, cattle noble based on my eyepatch...did they miss the Fathoms Deep tunic? And soliders???? 🙄
Sh: go get your cart fixed & get your asses back by nightfall & also bring my fucking money
*to blanketed L* Am sry, we'll have you home...*throws blanket aside* "/Corpse fuckers./" 👀🤣

Z: I command armies and am lord of a great state but if a man has piercings I am immediately weak
Me: what an absolute mood from this dumbass slut
A Rilien noble? Uh oh. Sirs, I think you have the wrong man. 👀
K: they'll just give us the ransom & fuck off, clearly
Lord Bestowen...oh no oh nooooo
Sh, sneering worthy of Sarrica: that's not how this works, oh my fuck
L: they think I'm Lord Bestowen, jfc

Lesto is so stupid, I love him
*sees Shemal in a side hall*
*throws away caution & sense, surrenders to a dangerous impulse as the result of one (1) searing look* 😂
"Lesto had done a lot of stupid things in his life, but fucking Shemal had definitely taken the dubious honor of number one." 🤣 Incredible. Peak disaster gay.

K: you'll be breaking the law again once you get tired of fucking your stupid goats
👀 ok
(Fake)
L: *remembering Shemal* oh shit never expected to hear that voice again
Oooh. Shemal sounds very pretty indeed. He's got piercings & lots of colorful tattoos...supported
L: shouldn't be attracted to him
*was anyway, despite this common sense*

S: don't give a fuck abt your cart, I have goats to tend, chores to do, and no time for "shriveled dicks like you" 😂
Kidnapper: just bc you got a pardon, you're all high & mighty, fuck u

Shemal: why in tf are you "rank corpses" here? Who tf is that? "I'm going to remove your nether regions with a splintery spoon and feed them to my goats." 🤣 colorful!
Kidnapper: what tf crawled up your ass & died?
Shemal: "Halfwits like you who don't listen to me when I say: leave me alone, I don't want to play your stupid games anymore." You! Are! the Problem! 👏

L: delightful, am in the middle of nowhere...that'll make finding help So Much Fun 🙃
Am "going to enjoy breaking their fucking faces"
Lesto is Upsetti Spaghetti tbh
Z: An upsetti man about to find a pretty pirate Me: Indeed, a pretty pirate with an extremely foul mouth 😂