Status Updates From Этика блядства

“Structure is not what makes you safe from hard feelings — your ability to take care of yourself is what counts. So whatever structure you choose, hold it fairly loosely. Your agreements are not taking care of you; you are.”

A lot of this has been really obvious. Still, it's a foundational text so I will persevere

Difference between being harmed and feeling hurt?

Consent
True honesty: self-reflection + openness
Integrity (codependence can't be the norm)
Recognise the ramification (it's hard to be unconventional and free; it's hard to live in a world that's not made for you)
Respect (trust and internal locus of control)
Responsibility (minimalising harm???)

"...be prepared to hear from others who have made different choices"

Intrumental non-monogamy
- approaching something missing in your relationship(s) - sex, similar hobbies
- only possible with people that have it v piči (don't get screwed (hurt badly) for life by the screwing) - truly informed and responsible consent necessary (high trust necessary*)

*To what extend should you try to figure out if you can believe an adult their understanding and responsibility for themselves?

Don't let your relationships take away from each other. Take on only as much as you can handle.

Critique of the Myths:
- Love and genetalia (innervation) don't really have to have anything to do with each other.
- I didn't like the shaming of how love can (not should) be experienced

Love = goal directed behaviour, adaptive and human in it's flexibility

Is being sexually desired a need for my self-esteem?
> I don't think so. I'm looking back at the time period after Tadeáš and after the crazy after matura madness, and I didn't want sex in particular (that was why it all fell apart with Dory for example). I want intimacy, sex is a shape it pften takes and I let it. I enjoy it. Sometimes it makes me sad it's such a default.

Always telling lovers apart
- respect for persons (don't dehumanise)
- appreciation of individual differences

Kinsey: Nymphomaniac = someone who has more sex than you

ethicallity of a slut measured on respect and care given to each of their relationship

harmful pathologising of sexual freedom (having or not having sex to various extends)

I am like pissing my pants with excitement over this book💥💫

So far, all my previous ideas and thoughts on human connection and communication are called into question. Very insightful.