Status Updates From The Final Arrangement (Flow...

Cute so far

I had crept up behind him and knocked him upside the head with the fire extinguisher I kept in my kitchen. It didn’t have any spray left in it from when he set the bag of poop on fire on my porch, but it had been very useful, all the same. “Always keep a fire extinguisher in your kitchen.” Best advice ever.

You can’t have a shindig in Utah without Jell-O.

Crying while you’re gagged is not conducive to helping you feel like you can breathe.

It occurred to me this was an embalming table, and the big metal chest of drawers was the place where they kept the bodies of people after they went to the big refrigerator in the sky.

My legs felt like lead down to my ankles, where the lead turned to burning molten fire under my feet.

If I let on about any of the danger I was in, she would deflate like a helium-filled Mylar balloon that had been put in the flower cooler.

Pioneer Day holiday for the State of Utah

K.C. had swung that bat like it was full-count in the bottom of the ninth.

“I’m watching my weight too. I’m watching it go right into my mouth with every bite, and I’m exquisitely pleased every time that I do.“

“We would help the mortuaries transport the deceased.”

“You transported dead bodies?”

“It was a great service,” Irwin said. “In those rural areas, there might not be a mortuary around for hundreds of miles. So we started out working as transport for the mortuaries.”

Unfortunately, I’d had the same feeling about Alex, and I was oh so wrong about him.

(He tried to bid you a proper farewell but you just brushed him off. 🤔)

Restaurants, salons and flower shops form the trifecta of sources for gossip in small towns.

We drove to Flannery’s restaurant on the east side of town. I had a regular arrangement — pardon the pun — with them. My shop would put flowers on their front counter once a week, in exchange for referrals for weddings and special events and the occasional free meal.

Fantasy men didn’t just drop out of the sky without some kind of consequences attached to their chutes.

Green is the ultimate neutral. Green is both calming and nurturing. It’s a spiritual healer.

She slammed the keys down on the counter, and tried to flip her hair around in an indignant fling. Perhaps it would have been successful had she not teased, gelled and sprayed her hair until it was a shellacked mass of one single unit rather than individual strands able to fly around independently for effect.

The aroma of the garden roses — which has been lost in commonly used hybrid tea varieties — filled the entire shop all the way to the back room.

don’t cops have to be available even on their days off in case of mass hysteria or something?

Summer microbursts are a common phenomenon in Utah. They’re considered a relief from the heat, or a curse from the outdoor wedding gods, depending upon the situation you’re in.