Scott

“Hi, you’ve reached 555-3080,” Cassandra’s voice says. “Please leave your name and number, the date and time of your call, the purpose of your call, your religious persuasion, political affiliation, NRA membership status, IQ, resting pulse, and whether a spot check of your freezer would reveal fillets of any upper-trophic-level fish, and I’ll call you back. Bye.”
― Lee Goodman, Indefensible

“If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.”
― Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim

“Do you have a dog?” I ask Cassandra. “Definitely,” Cassandra says. “Having a dog is one of the best things about being human. One of the ten best.” “And the other nine?” “I don’t know. Love, dancing, good coffee, kids, summer? I never made a list. But if I did, dogs would be on it.”
― Lee Goodman, Indefensible

“Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can; all of them make me laugh.”
― W.H. Auden