Ellie

“Because it is illegal to talk to a stranger on a train, it can sometimes be confusing when someone stands on your foot or hits you with their briefcase and then fails to say sorry. Which is why I have decided to carry an air horn with me at all times, and when someone stands on my foot I will set it off in their face and then go back to reading my paper. I imagine this will make people want to avoid standing on my feet, but if I've paid good money for the air horn, I'll want to use it, so I'll wear massive clown-shoes while travelling. I'll also wear a red nose and a wig.
Essentially, I really want to get into clowning.”
― Danny Wallace, More Awkward Situations for Men

“And before any Christian readers get all offended - relax. I'm not saying that I'm the new Jesus. I'm just saying there's a very good chance that I might be.”
― Danny Wallace, Join Me!

“Hello?'
'Mum?'
'Yes! Who's that?.'
'Your only son.'
A pause.
'Daniel?'
To be fair, I'd only given her one clue.”
― Danny Wallace, Friends Like These

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin