Ruby

“If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
― Steven Wright

“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”
― Jerry Lewis

“It's not because I want to make out with her."
Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
― Bill Watterson