Bick

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
― Robin Williams

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
― George Carlin

“The other day I woke up to find my girlfriend already gone from the house, and a sticky note on the fridge that said, "I love you." "Oh my God," I thought. "Somebody's obsessed with me, and they kidnapped my girlfriend just to get closer to me.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
― George Carlin