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Bury My Heart at ...
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Mar 14, 2026 05:25PM

 
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Fyodor Dostoevsky
“The soul is healed by being with children.”
Fyodor Dostoevsky

Lundy Bancroft
“When a man starts my program, he often says, “I am here because I lose control of myself sometimes. I need to get a better grip.” I always correct him: "Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself, it’s that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don’t need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her.”
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft
“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don’t seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser’s friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone’s image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft
“The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that develop in the couple, the more the abuser comes to think of his partner as a prized object. Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser’s mindset, the spring from which all the other streams spout; on some level he feels that he owns you and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit.”
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Lundy Bancroft
“Abuse and respect are diametric opposites: You do not respect someone whom you abuse, and you do not abuse someone whom you respect.”
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

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