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Where Are You Goi...
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Flint Kill Creek:...
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As I Lay Dying
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Justin Halpern
“It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumb shit. He knows how it works.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“You say you’re sick, huh? Well, it looks like you’ve come down with a case of bullshit.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“If it's not bourbon or sweatpants, it's going in the garbage.... No, don't get creative. Now is not a creative time. Now is a bourbon and sweatpants time.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“I don't need more friends. You got friends and all they do is ask you to help them move. Fuck that. I'm old. I'm through moving this shit.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

Justin Halpern
“On Being Afraid to Use the Elementary School Bathrooms to Defecate

“Son, you're complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It's one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”
Justin Halpern, Sh*t My Dad Says

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