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“What was the payoff? It obviously kept me in my cozy zone of being in control, being a good mother, with a good daughter. Most of all, I realize, is that it allowed me to maintain the lie that she was healed, that Nick hadn't permanently damaged her, that I'd truly saved her. Because if I did, if there was no lasting residue of him, it meant that the denial that kept me in the marriage long enough for him to hurt her didn't help create the situation she's in now.
The person who I worked hardest to keep safe seems to have been me.”
― Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
The person who I worked hardest to keep safe seems to have been me.”
― Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
“Caretaking is never about the other person. It's about wanting to feel needed because you're afraid you're not wanted.”
― Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
― Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
“- Child is abused, perpetrator threatens to hurt mother. Child feels protective of mother.
- Struggle to escape perp reinforces feelings of mutual protection. It's Mom and I against the world.
- Something necessary at the time later creates "enmeshment." Child doesn't see her actions as separate from mother. Even during normal adolescent individuation. But--
- Normal individuation doesn't happen in abuse survivors. They don't feel normal, so they--
- Act out in unhealthy or self-destructive ways, which creates--
- Fear and pain for mother, which creates--
- Guilt for child who still feels responsible for mother's emotional health.
- Child seeks release from the guilt and from not feeling normal, which leads to--
- Escape to the world of other not normal people, where mother can't see her child self-destruct, which leads to--
"The bad news.”
― Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
- Struggle to escape perp reinforces feelings of mutual protection. It's Mom and I against the world.
- Something necessary at the time later creates "enmeshment." Child doesn't see her actions as separate from mother. Even during normal adolescent individuation. But--
- Normal individuation doesn't happen in abuse survivors. They don't feel normal, so they--
- Act out in unhealthy or self-destructive ways, which creates--
- Fear and pain for mother, which creates--
- Guilt for child who still feels responsible for mother's emotional health.
- Child seeks release from the guilt and from not feeling normal, which leads to--
- Escape to the world of other not normal people, where mother can't see her child self-destruct, which leads to--
"The bad news.”
― Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
Jonathan’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Jonathan’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
1,191 books
|
85 friends
546 books
|
238 friends
197 books
|
27 friends
218 books
|
63 friends
169 books
|
63 friends
Favorite Genres
Art, Biography, Classics, Contemporary, Crime, Fiction, Graphic novels, History, Memoir, Music, Mystery, Non-fiction, Philosophy, Poetry, Psychology, Science, Science fiction, Self help, Suspense, and Thriller
Polls voted on by Jonathan
Lists liked by Jonathan
