Bethany Burleson

“When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”
― Steven Wright

“Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.”
― Jerry Seinfeld

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

“It was like orderin a hamburger and getting only the buns"
(After Brooke White of season 7 on american idol sang the song 'Hero'
by Mariah Carey)”
― Simon Cowell