Sal

“But my spirit was seeking an ever deeper solitude, and every time I suffered contact with civilization was unbearable torture. With each word they spoke to me, the past welled up again, filling my soul with a silent anxiety that clutched at my throat; and I longed to hurt, to kill, to inflict irreparable damage. But the absurd necessity of making a living forced me to deal with people, and now, as I remember those dealings, I loathe them more than ever. Whenever I made a little money, I did anything possible to forget, and I would drink to the point of falling facedown in the street, where nobody was compassionate enough to help me back to my feet. In the eyes of the world, I was a despicable boozehound, the object of brain-dead laughter, but I considered myself more the victim than the offender - if I was a drunk, it was the world's fault.”
― Rafael Bernal, His Name was Death

“Ugly, degrading, rather terrible half-truths... It is bad for the soul to know itself a coward, it is apt to take refuge in mere wordy violence... Their hearts ached while their lips formed recriminations. Their hearts burst into tears while their eyes remained dry and accusing, staring in hostility and anger... They could not forgive and they could not sleep, for neither could sleep without the other's forgiveness, and the hatred that leapt out at moments between them would be drowned in the tears that their hearts were shedding.”
― Radclyffe Hall, The Well of Loneliness

“How should I receive her when she appeared? I would say nothing, I would walk toward her and stare into the depths of her eyes at her cruel blonde soul. She would be overcome by my silence and my calm. Then, coldly, resolutely, I would strangle her. That would be ugly, brutal, savage, but it would be a brief nightmare, and in the joy of the mystic murder, I would stretch her out on the divan covered in the green of a mossy bank. I would spread about her head the halo of her pale hair. I would fill her hands with white lilies and scatter her body with her favorite roses-white with a tinge of green. She would slumber, only a bit more pale than in her regular sleep. And I would love her in that superhuman hour more than any other being had ever dared to love. That would be madness with its exaltations and its terrors and its aftermath. I would watch beside her until dawn. I would see the taper-flames waver. The deep blue of midnight would fill the corners with shadow. Vally's lids would grow strangely blue. And I would shout aloud as a man does when drunk: I have killed her! Then she would remain forever my virgin Priestess. She would be the pure whiteness of my dreams, the Inaccessible, the Untarnishable. I would have saved her in saving myself.”
― Renée Vivien, A Woman Appeared to Me

“Читання — це вада, яка може стати на місце всіх інших вад, або іноді замість них інтенсивно сприяти всім жити, це — відхилення, манія, що поглинає. Ні, наркотиків я не вживаю, вживаю книжки, безсумнівно, я маю свої вподобання, багато книжок залишають мене байдужою, деякі з них я вживаю лиш зранку, інші — тільки вночі, є книжки, від яких відірватись не можу, з ними ходжу по квартирі, переношу з кімнати до кухні, читаю навстоячки в коридорі, не користуюсь закладками, не ворушу при читанні вустами, читати навчилась я дуже рано і дуже добре..”
― Ingeborg Bachmann, Malina