Should there be an age limit to reading explict books?

[Amy]

Here is a good maturity test for this book. If you would be too uncomfortable/mortified to say some of the terms in the book - like anal plug, vibrator, fisting, etc. - to your mother or grandmother, maybe you better wait to read them.

[Nidhi]

Amy wrote: "Here is a good maturity test for this book. If you would be too uncomfortable/mortified to say some of the terms in the book - like anal plug, vibrator, fisting, etc. - to your mother or grandmothe..."

HAHAHAHAHA! Ok that is a good test but if that tells me if I am old enough to read well I am guessing that will be never.

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

No, that tells you what your parents may be uncomfortable discussing with you. You might be OK with the words and their meaning and your parents may not be. It would just be a good idea to have a trusted adult to discuss any questions you might have with. It does not have to be your parents.
Its always a good idea to understand that sex is hormone driven at your age, and sex is not necessarily love.

[Jenn]

Mocha Spresso wrote: "It's intended for adults. However, if there are 14 yr olds out there that are mature and can handle it, then whether or not they should read it should be between them and their parents."

Agree 100%. I would also like to add that as with any book that has "questionable" content, I think it's important for people to be able to have open and honest discussions about what they read and how they think and feel about it. I don't think the problem stems from the content of a book/movie/etc, I think it becomes an issue when questions are raised that a young person (or anyone of any age for that matter) feels uncomfortable asking. Or they ask someone who doesn't have their best interest at heart, or is lacking in experience.

[Kim]

More of a question within this question....With all of the amazing literature out there, why would we ever want our adolescents reading this? Nothing in this book is new, exciting, or poses any real intelligent thought. There is some fantastic writing out there that would hold far more interest and appeal than 50 Shades.....

[Emma]

Kim wrote: "More of a question within this question....With all of the amazing literature out there, why would we ever want our adolescents reading this? Nothing in this book is new, exciting, or poses any re..."

I completely agree!

[Brown Girl Reading]

Totally!

[Amy]

It would be interesting to know if the author, E.L. James, believes her book should be age-restricted.

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

Amy wrote: "It would be interesting to know if the author, E.L. James, believes her book should be age-restricted."

so ask her - i'm sure she will accept your e-mail question

[Sláinte]

I think it would be impossible to limit books, anyone could just download them & if amazon/smashwords etc started question age then (MORE) people would start getting hack versions.
Also different countries have different age laws; Argentina(& quite a few others) for example being 12 - quite a few European countries are 14. So many of you are saying 18+ but what about in those countries? Who are you to decided for all those people? Surely it is up to them (or their parents)?
I think that a lot of you must of forgotten what it was like to be a teenager. What is everyone worried about, that girl will read the book & try to copy Ana? I think that is a bit ridiculous.
I have read hundreds of YA books a lot them have violence & gore, some i was shocked by. Have you all thought of that too?

[Melanie]

If a young person wants to read it bad enough they will find a way to read it. I think that is why communication is important between parents/children. If I had a teen that wanted to read it 50 Shades would provide many excellent topics:

Entering into a sexual relationship
Importance of condoms
Unhealthy versus healthy relationships
Domineering relationships

If you don't have this communication and with all the hype 50 Shades has received then how many kids are going to sneak this book and think this is how a relationship should be?

[Amy]

Melanie wrote: "If a young person wants to read it bad enough they will find a way to read it. I think that is why communication is important between parents/children. If I had a teen that wanted to read it 50 Sh..."

I agree that this book could open up communication, but the problem I have is that are probably almost as many teens without a supportive, active adult to discuss the issues in the novel as there are teens who can go to a parent or other adult and have a discussion. So many posters have said that teen readers will just need to talk to an adult about what they encounter in this novel. The problem is the population of teens who do not have an adult to go to with their issues. So in the spirit of protecting the youth who do not have an adult to consult with, why not make this an age-restricted book? The teens with the supportive parents to talk to can get that parent to purchase the book for them, and then they can have a discussion. I realize teens will still get their hands on it, but why not limit their avenues to get it? I mean, in this day and age, we still hear stories about girls getting their periods and not understanding what is happening to their bodies at all. If these girls do not even have a trusting adult to explain this simple biology, do you think they have a trusting adult to talk to about the content in this novel?

[Kim]

Deirdre wrote: "Totally!"

thank you Emma and Deirdre!

[Melanie]

Even when there is an age restriction if a teen wants to read the book bad enough will find a way to do it. How many teenage boys under the age of 18 have looked at a Playboy magazine even though you have to be 18 to buy them? I just don't see where the age restriction will do much prevention.

If a teen has expressed interest in reading the book and the parent is wondering if they should allow their kid to read the book rather than wondering they should read it first then make sure their kid wants to read it and plan for discussion. If sex has not been discussed or has rarely been discussed this provides a great opportunity.


Amy wrote: "I agree that this book could open up communication, but the problem I have is that are probably almost as many teens without a supportive, active adult to discuss the issues in the novel as there are teens who can go to a parent or other adult and have a discussion...."

[Amy]

Melanie wrote: "Even when there is an age restriction if a teen wants to read the book bad enough will find a way to do it. How many teenage boys under the age of 18 have looked at a Playboy magazine even though ..."

So then you must agree with the idea of why restrict anything by age if teens can get it anyway? Why age restrict alcohol or cigarettes since teens can easily get someone to "buy" for them?

[Kim]

Shona wrote: "I think it would be impossible to limit books, anyone could just download them & if amazon/smashwords etc started question age then (MORE) people would start getting hack versions.
Also different c..."

I had mentioned something like this earlier in the thread. ...that yes, our children are much more tech savvy than we are and this is the concern that I think a few of us had....but here's the point; just because adolescents can hack it, download it and read it does not mean that it should be available to anyone with a kindle or an ipad. Illicit drugs are everywhere, that does not mean I think we should just allow people to use them. The idea of putting up barriers makes it difficult, not impossible. We don't allow children under the age of 18 (or 16 or 21 or all depending on where not he world you live) to purchase pornographic material, so why would we allow adolescents to purchase pornogrphic literature? Yes, I know it's avialable everywhere, but why would we ever make it easy for them to access something like that as an adolescent, when you really don't need to?

I also think it's rather narrow minded to assume that because we don't agree that adolescents should have access to the book that we "forget" what it's like to be a teen. Trust me, I remember it well. It was a confusing enough time; I don't see how introducing BDSM makes life any better, more simple, or bright for any child. To quote Chris Rock, "You can drive a car with your feet if you really want to; that don't make it a good idea!"
I am very much against censorship of materials, simply because we could wake up tomorrow and find ourselves in an very limited place without the freedoms and rights we have come to expect. As I said before, this book isn't going anywhere; I believe like any book, it deserves a place in the shelves (or on a kindle, ipd, etc) because we live in a society that fought for the right for it to be. It will always be there, it does not need to be read by minds that cannot appreciate that this relationship is fantasy; not reality. ie. no one has multiple orgasms via penetration the fist time they have sex, no one give s the "perfect" blow job, and no one signs a non-disclosure agreement about it wither.....and that's before the BDSM begins.....

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

Melanie wrote: "If a young person wants to read it bad enough they will find a way to read it. I think that is why communication is important between parents/children. If I had a teen that wanted to read it 50 Sh..."

Wise and open thinker-many young people could use you as a parenr

[Melanie]

Amy wrote: "So then you must agree with the idea of why restrict anything by age if teens can get it anyway? Why age restrict alcohol or cigarettes since teens can easily get someone to "buy" for them?
..."

Age restrictions are already set on alcohol and cigarettes - and laws are becoming tougher to serving to minors. However, when I have children and they want to drink I do want them to know their limits. I never want to hear well I only slept with him/her because I was drunk. There will be a bicycle / cone course set up with video. The people I know that had parental exposure to alcohol were always the responsible drinkers whereas those where it was forbidden tended to be the ones that get DUIs, MIPs, and such. Have a sip of dad's beer, or a tiny glass of Christmas wine or New Years Eve champaign helps to teach responsibility with alcohol. The adults children are around are who they are most likely going to be like. If they are exposed to an alcoholic they are more likely to become one. If they are exposed to an adult that constantly reads they will probably become a reader too.

Yes, books can be dangerous because they give ideas and open up minds. Yes, children may get different ideas than their parents. Sometimes though books you may find out that people of other races are similar to you. Someone that has a different sexual preference may be more like you that some people that have a similar sexual preference.

I read Fried Green Tomatoes somewhere between the ages of 16-18 and there was a lot I didn't pick up until I read it again at age 34. I thought I was a smart kid and don't know what I didn't pick up that Ruth and Idgie were lovers, and other things like that. I listen to music I did when I was in junior high and high school and while I always sang along I realize there was so much I took in at a different level.

Yes, I think society forces kids to grow up too fast. However, we have to find that balance to keep our kids as kids as long as possible - yet, ensure they are ready handle dealing with the majority of the people they will encounter as they mature into the adults we want them to become.

[Amy]

Melanie wrote: "Amy wrote: "So then you must agree with the idea of why restrict anything by age if teens can get it anyway? Why age restrict alcohol or cigarettes since teens can easily get someone to "buy" for t..."

And there are age restrictions already set up for pornography. My point is that this novel is pornography and should be age restricted for purchase right alongside other forms of porn. I am not a prude at all and have no problem with the content of this book for adults, but I just don't see what the harm would be in age restricting this book and at least making it bit harder for teens to access it.

[Melanie]

Would teens want to read this book if it wasn't hyped as it is? Who is creating the buzz about this series?

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

Amy wrote: "Melanie wrote: "Amy wrote: "So then you must agree with the idea of why restrict anything by age if teens can get it anyway? Why age restrict alcohol or cigarettes since teens can easily get someon..."

why do you consider this pornography?

[Amy]

Paris (kerbytejas) wrote: "Amy wrote: "Melanie wrote: "Amy wrote: "So then you must agree with the idea of why restrict anything by age if teens can get it anyway? Why age restrict alcohol or cigarettes since teens can easil..."

Umm, the very graphically described sex and BDSM? Pretty sure many people would label it as pornography. If it was "played out" verbatim as a movie, it would be X-rated. Why don't you consider it pornography?

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

Amy wrote: "Paris (kerbytejas) wrote: "Amy wrote: "Melanie wrote: "Amy wrote: "So then you must agree with the idea of why restrict anything by age if teens can get it anyway? Why age restrict alcohol o..."

by dictionary definition - "Pornography or porn is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter." it is

but I don't think of it pornography when I read it...I can't explain that..but I have been reading erotica since my teens (even wrote erotic poetry), and i see it as just part of the story.

I guess the difference between this trilogy and a traditional romance novel is this has sexual situations and traditional romance novels really don't. Its like looking at a person in the nude or with their clothes on. its the same basic subject but its delivered in different way.

I don't see the shock value..maybe I've just been desensitized to it, or maybe its an area of reading I really enjoy.

Then again - maybe its because I no longer have young children and i don't have to worry about it
Or maybe i think there are more important things in life to worry about then this trilogy.

[Kim]

I would just like to add how much I have enjoyed listening to everyone's thoughts and opinions on here...it's so wonderful to engage in intelligent, healthy discussion about these issues. While it is apparent that some of us are very much at the opposite ends of the spectrum, the feedback here is fanstastic!

[Wendye]

What is wrong with us today? It is called parenting. It is being involved in your child's life....and please, no more government involving raising my child. It is called Darwinism.
And just like everything else, the more you keep from them, the more they will want.

[Mari]

♥♥Deborah ♥♥ wrote: "I don't think I'd want my 14-15 year old reading about deep-throating. Sorry, but Anna is really descriptive in FSoG. The story is explicit and if it were made into a movie based on the book dialog..."

The deal is this. Parents should know what their kids are reading. This new direction where the state is responsible for what we see, read and eat is alarming. It should not be the book sellers policing children, and it should not be schools teaching morals in sex ed. It should be parents.

[Mari]

Amy wrote: "I'm very open-minded, but why not let our children stay children for a while longer? There are so many books available, why encourage teens to read sexually explicit books? They see too much sex as..."

Yes, in your opinion, but perhaps not in the opinion of their parents. Everyone has the right to teach their children as they see fit.

[Mari]

Mathew wrote: "There must be age restrictions for what a child can read like the movies. Books are to broaden the young minds and to educate them in a good way. Reading a book written in filthy language won't hel..."

Yes. But many of the most excellent books have been called smut and accused of making young people into delinquents. Many classics have "bad" words in them. Some of the most worthwhile lit has been banned from schools. Maybe its best if people make that decision individually with THEIR OWN PARENTS. Who are you to judge?

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

Mari wrote: "Mathew wrote: "There must be age restrictions for what a child can read like the movies. Books are to broaden the young minds and to educate them in a good way. Reading a book written in filthy lan..."

it seems like many parents want to "legislate" their parenting duties, instead of being involved with their children...sems to be a trend to want to legislate everything these days...one day everyone's going to wake up and say what happened to my rights, and my ability o make my own decisions

[Hannah]

I don't think anyone under about 18 should be reading these books as they are very sexually explicit , my daughter sure as hell will not be reading them . I think as a parent you should know what you child is reading and what they are looking at on the Internet .. I have parental controls on mine she can't look at anything I have not ok'd

There are so many wonderful books out there why would we want our kids to read third rate trash , I find a lot of parents allowing their kids to read this so that they can boast about how mature their little darling is .... Sometimes it is not that the kid wants to read it all that much ...... Makes me glad my daughter must be so sheltered and immature !!!!!

[Mochaspresso]

Hannah wrote: "I don't think anyone under about 18 should be reading these books as they are very sexually explicit , my daughter sure as hell will not be reading them . I think as a parent you should know what y..."

That's not really fair. I was one of those kids whose parents didn't overtly censor what I read or watched. They didn't hand me explicit books or movies but they didn't forbid me from reading a book or watching a movie that I had an interest in either. My parents were big on talking about everything. There are kids out there that have very honest and open relationships with their parents and in fact are mature enough to handle it. The decision to whether or not to read it should be between them and their parents.

btw, plenty of parents think that they have their parental contols set and plenty of kids expertly know how to get around them. Plenty of parents utilize parental controls on the home internet but don't think to do it on their child's cell phone. (spoken from the experience of a neighbor whose son was creating his own wifi hotspot with his cell phone, that his parents also didn't know that he had, to access porn on the internet because his parents wouldn't give him the wifi password.)

[Amy]

Mari wrote: "Amy wrote: "I'm very open-minded, but why not let our children stay children for a while longer? There are so many books available, why encourage teens to read sexually explicit books? They see too..."

I would find it very disturbing that a parent would use this series as a way to "teach" anything to their child. No wonder there are a lot of messed up teens today compared to even 15 years ago.

[Hannah]

Don't get me wrong I Am all for parents having the last word on whether a child should be allowed to watch or read something but some parents just don't censor when they should , some things just are not suitable for children until they get to a certain age and I think it is good for children to be made to wait until they are old enough my daughter has seen trailers for films she would like to watch , tough they are 15 she can watch them when she is that age , there is nothi wrong with saying to our kids .. Tough luck Hun you just aren't old enough yet

I know what you mean about mobile phones , that is why my daughter doesn't have one that can connect to the Internet ...

I can actually remember finding a book called Babi yar when I was a kid about the second world war and being told by my mum I was too young to read it , years later I finally read it and I am so glad she said no as I would have bee traumatised

[Mary]

Amy wrote: "I agree with Paris. This makes me sad. I'm afraid teens will get the wrong idea about what is safe and healthy and what is messed up and damagaing from this book. Why? Because the protagonist doesn't realize that Christian Grey is a sick man with issues that need to be resolved regarding sexual behavior. I'm no prude by any means whatsoever, but as an adult, I know the difference between a healthy, fun sexual relationship and one that is abusive. You can say you are "mature enough," but that will just reinforce that you probably are not. Teens tend to view books through the lens of the female protagonist, and that protagonist is unable to recognize her relationship for what it is. There are tens of thousands of better books to read anyway - why read this one? It is horrendously written anyway - the repetive phrases and sentence structure is awful. "

Oh good Lord! I read Of Mice and Men when I was 11. I read Gone With the Wind when I was 10. I read Tess of the D'urbervilles when I was 13. I was probably 13 when I read Lady Chatterley's Lover. Guess what? I did not go out and enter into an abusive relationship! Most people realize that fiction is FICTION. Just think for a second about all of the dysfunctional relationships in classic literature. This book does NOT glorify BDSM. If you actually READ the book you will understand that Ana and Christian (except for one episode that clearly tears a hole in their relationship), they engage in "vanilla sex." The issues here are lack of trust on Christian's part and as he was introduced to BDSM by an adult molester, he uses this to maintain some type of emotional control. The fact that he is seeing a psychiatrist should give readers a clue that even Christian realizes his life is a mess. When he finds out that Ana may be pregnant, the thought of a child makes him confront his relationship with the Mrs. Robinson character and he finally sees her for what she was/is...a child predator. After that, he begins the road to healing.

[Mary]

Kim wrote: "First of all, all this orgasm-ing and passion does not happen the first time any woman has sex"

Speak for yourself .

[Mary]

Xanpet wrote: "I had a teaching colleague that once said once you can read what you read is your business. The fact of the matter is that unless you emotionally connect it won't interest."

Amen. If a teenager is not curious about sexuality, then this book will not interest them.

[Hannah]

Mary last time I checked none of the books you name mentioned anal fisting , butt plugs or genital clamps .... Though tess May have been a better book if it had done !!!
I don't argue with your review of the relationships in the book but I do wonder if some young people would be able to see past the initial story to the underlying themes

[Amy]

Hannah wrote: "Mary last time I checked none of the books you name mentioned anal fisting , butt plugs or genital clamps .... Though tess May have been a better book if it had done !!!
I don't argue with your re..."

Great points, Hannah. I teach high school kids, and I can pretty clearly say that 90% of the students who would read this probably would skips the parts that weren't the sex scenes, and they would only read about the sex. And Mary, yes, I did READ the book. That's why I know there are some sex content that really is not appropriate for young teens. Great for parents who want to be "open-minded" with their kids, but I feel the need to protect the kids who don't have a good parental support system at home to discuss the issues that come up in this book. But, I guess that's what the Internet is for. When a teen needs to know what anal fisting is, he/she can Google it and probably find some great pictures to go along with the definition. I for one think it is a parent's job to monitor age-appropriate media. So if this book is fine for young kids - you mentioned ages 11, 12, 13, I assume you believe X-rated porn to be okay for those ages as well as long as the parents are okay with it? Mary, you had a great analysis of Ana and Christian's relationship, but you are an adult. Most teens who would read this, would not focus attention on the relationship to even catch Christian's psychological issues. They would be too busy skimming for the sex scenes to point out to their friends. Not all teens are this way, but after 10 years in the classroom, I can say the majority would be.

[Mochaspresso]

A Great points, Hannah. I teach high school kids, and I can pretty clearly say that 90% of the students who would read this probably would skips the parts that weren't the sex scenes, and they would only read about the sex. And Mary, yes, I did READ the book. That's why I know there are some sex content that really is not appropriate for young teens. Great for parents who want to be "open-minded" with their kids, but I feel the need to protect the kids who don't have a good parental support system at home to discuss the issues that come up in this book. But, I guess that's what the Internet is for. When a teen needs to know what anal fisting is, he/she can Google it and probably find some great pictures to go along with the definition. I for one think it is a parent's job to monitor age-appropriate media. So if this book is fine for young kids - you mentioned ages 11, 12, 13, I assume you believe X-rated porn to be okay for those ages as well as long as the parents are okay with it?

The decision whether or not to read it should be based on the maturity level of the kids in question and whether their parents feel they can handle it. I don't think it is for me or for anyone else to say what other people's kids can or can't handle. That is between them and their parents.

Perhaps, I think differently because of my environment and upbringing. I was not from the best of neighborhoods and in 7th grade at the age of 12, several of my classmates were already mothers. Many of us were tall, had breasts, had been having regular periods since we were 8 and 9 and had been wearing bras for that long, too. (I got my first bra in the 4th grade and my first period a year later.) Boys as old as 19 were hitting on us regularly. I don't think my parents wanted my sexual education to come from those girls who were already mothers. Maybe that is why they were so open with me about it. They had no choice.

Back to your comments, I don't agree with giving 12 and 13 yr olds porn....but if you think that 12 yr old middle schoolers are not discussing sex amongst their friends in school....you are severely delusional. Wouldn't it be better for them to feel free to come to you, as a parent, with their questions rather than rely on the internet and all of that misinformation that runs rampant among kids at that age?

I was already reading erotic romances at the age of 12. I was already reading classics at that age as well. I survived it just fine. The reason is that I had a pretty good relationship with my parents, already knew about sex and I was not so impressionable that A WORK OF FICTION could so easily sway me in such a manner. If your child is that impressionable....50 Shades of Grey is the least of your problems. Keep your eye on the cute boy across the street or the hot new boy in English. If you are afraid of her reaction to the fictional Edward Cullen or Christian Grey, what happens when she encounters the real life cutie pie bad boy for the first time?

[Amy]

Mocha Spresso wrote: "A Great points, Hannah. I teach high school kids, and I can pretty clearly say that 90% of the students who would read this probably would skips the parts that weren't the sex scenes, and they woul..."

Your whole post saddens me. The fact that most of your 12-year-old counterparts were already mothers proves my point that teens today are over-exposed to sex. Why not try to limit how much sex young teens see? Of course I know middle school students talk about sex, but the question should be why are middle school kids talking about sex? Yes, there are the hormones but also the abundance of it seen in the media. Children from 20 years ago were a lot more innocent than the ones now. I grew up in that era. Am I sexually repressed at all? Absolutely not. But apparently my idea to try to protect young teens from inappropriate content is not a popular idea here. Apparently, the key to parenting now is let your children read and view whatever they want, as long as the child knows they can come talk to their parents about it. Because we all know all teens love to talk about sex with their parents. I'm really done with this thread.

[Mochaspresso]

Amy wrote: "Mocha Spresso wrote: "A Great points, Hannah. I teach high school kids, and I can pretty clearly say that 90% of the students who would read this probably would skips the parts that weren't the sex..."

I am 43 yrs old. This was actually 30 yrs ago. According to my grandmother, in her day some kids were already married at the ages of 14 and 15. I honestly don't think times have changed all that much. Just levels of denial and views on what is or isn't socially acceptable. I remember the 80's and 90's. I don't know if "innocent" is the word that I would use to describe that era.

[Paris (kerbytejas)]

Mocha Spresso wrote: "Amy wrote: "Mocha Spresso wrote: "A Great points, Hannah. I teach high school kids, and I can pretty clearly say that 90% of the students who would read this probably would skips the parts that wer..."

Mocha, point well taken.. nothing has changed that much with the young & Sex... its hormones...
Granted todays young have more exposure to the subject matter...but that does not mean that exposure leads to sex...just like books and movies with sexual content are not gatways to sex...yes may increase curiosity, then again it might scare a few out of it for years.

maturity, open parenting, discussion with adults, are all good ideas no matter what era in time we are in.

reading these books should be between the reader and the guardian (not always parents)

[Mary]

Hannah wrote: "Mary last time I checked none of the books you name mentioned anal fisting , butt plugs or genital clamps .... Though tess May have been a better book if it had done !!!
I don't argue with your re..."

Which is why I stated previously that maturity matters more than chronological age.

[Mary]

Amy wrote: "Mary, you had a great analysis of Ana and Christian's relationship, but you are an adult. Most teens who would read this, would not focus attention on the relationship to even catch Christian's psychological issues. They would be too busy skimming for the sex scenes to point out to their friends. Not all teens are this way, but after 10 years in the classroom, I can say the majority would be.
."

Most kids that age would most likely be grossed out by a lot of the sex. Putting a chronological age on something is just arbitrary IMO. Maturity is a much more reliable gauge. Some kids can handle it and some cannot. I read "The Happy Hooker" when I was about 15. Parts of it grossed me out. I certainly did not go out and seek some animals to experiment with. Having raised three teenagers, most have a little more sense than to let a book dictate their sexual behavior. Their peers have MUCH more influence than any piece of writing.

[Mary]

I went to high school in the 1970s. This was a fairly affluent school system, but I was the ONLY one in my peer group who graduated from high school a virgin. I read Fear of Flying, The Happy Hooker, the Kinsey Report, the Kama Sutra, and quite a number of other sexually explicit books while still in my teens. There were a few teens who got pregnant during that 4 year stretch and for the most part none of them read for pleasure at ALL. I think that sex on TV, in books, etc., has less influence over whether or not teens have sex than peer pressure does. I think it is MUCH more likely that a teenage boy tells a teenage girl, "Baby...if you REALLY loved me, you would have sex with me."

[Hannah]

All children's are impressionable that is why peer pressure works so well , tbh I think most adults are too . If you are lucky your child will be smart enough not to do anything too stupid but at some point all kids will do something or want to do something just because everyone else is

Is my daughter likely to want to try some of the sexual things in this book just because she has read about them m probably not but there is plenty of time for her to grow up and encounter these things in the world when she is an adult , we only get to be kids for a small percentage of our lives why do we have to be so keen to make them grow up faster

[Mary]

Hannah wrote: "Is my daughter likely to want to try some of the sexual things in this book just because she has read about them m probably not but there is plenty of time for her to grow up and encounter these things in the world when she is an adult , we only get to be kids for a small percentage of our lives why do we have to be so keen to make them grow up faster "

My children are all in their 20s now, so they read what they want. If this book had come out when they were in their teens, I would NOT have encouraged them to read it but neither would I have prohibited them from doing so. If they still wanted to read it, I would tell them we were going to have a book discussion afterward. I was very open with my kids about sex in an age appropriate manner starting when they were young. They have always felt very comfortable coming to me and talking about things (so have their friends for that matter). They are now grown (one is married), either college graduates or still in college, have jobs, have had no out-of-wedlock children and are very responsible members of their community. I always stressed the responsibility of sexual relations. That it was not fair to any child that might result not to have a committed mother and father. We discussed the emotional aspects and the peer pressure involved in high school and college. IF children have a good relationship with their parents, this book might actually be a good jumping off point when discussing good relationships vs. toxic ones.

My largest issue with this discussion is the foregone conclusion that teens go out and do what they read. People were in an uproar about Harry Potter thinking children would be joining Satanic cults left and right. Even children as young as those who read Harry Potter understood that polyjuice potion does not exist in the real world. To me...knowledge is power. Knowledge can be gotten over time in an age appropriate manner, but sheltering teens about sex does not do them any favors. I took a sex education course my senior year in college and it was simply astounding to me how ignorant most of my class was; how many myths they believed. Open and honest discussions about sex are more likely to result in responsible teenagers IMO, than trying to protect them from it.

[Meagan]

Well said Mary!

[Matt.david]

I THINK THIS fifty shades of grey is a very soft and sexual sexpereince for SOME adults and as it inflicts and provokes teens to read it, thier are peaple saying they need ID to get it and in ways I think thats right. what do you think?

[Susan]

Well, I'm 17 and I read the Story of O, and the Claiming of Sleeping beauty series before I read Fifty Shades of Gray. Personally, The Story of O was my favorite, closely followed by the Sleeping beauty series. Why? Because reading these, you know that they're fantasy, the extreme realm of the BDSM scene. I thought 50 shades portrayed Ana and Christian's relationship as normal, and is what all sex should be like.


I completely understand that BDSM is not the norm of sex, and that vanilla sex is perfectly fine for those who enjoy it. What worries me is that now people believe they absolutely love BDSM, just by reading 50 shades. Some fail to see that the scene existed long before the book ever did. People need to realize that hardcore BDSM is in the extreme, and that those who practice it in reality have been training themselves for years to get to the hardcore stage. The fact that people are jumping straight into the deep end scares me.

I thought 50 shades was as badly written as the Twilight series, the prose bland and uninspiring.

Should there be an age limit? No, if you know what you're getting into, it should be fine. It really depends on the maturity of the reader, and their ability to separate what's normal to what's not.