Fifty Shades of Grey
discussion
Should there be an age limit to reading explict books?
message 51:
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Cassie P
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rated it 4 stars
Jul 30, 2012 06:35AM
I rather my child read about sexual encounters and put their view and images to them rather than watch a pornographic movie. If a child is able to read erotica from beginning to end then they mature enough to understand. If concerns about BDSM in FSoG is really the issue, I found it mild. I have read books that are not even labeled with BDSM to be worse. If people start to rate books like they do video games and movies, all it does is put a label saying "READ ME" when other wise most children wouldn't be bothered.
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And do you have a trusted adult who you can ask qustions about what you might read in this book, how it makes you feel, and what might worry or concern you?At 15 do you truely think you will understand why people may do some of the thing discussed in this book, there are many adults that do not understand it.
its not about chronological age and your rights to read what you want - its about making sure you undersatnd and feel confortable with what you may read in this book.
If you had the support of a trusted person - I would say ok...but your statement leads me to believe you may not be ready to read this book, sounds like you want to just because you have been told you should NOT read it!
Grow up and wait awhile - it will still be around when you are truely ready to read it
Danielle wrote: "i am 15 and i believe we should be able to read what ever we want"I agree with Paris. This makes me sad. I'm afraid teens will get the wrong idea about what is safe and healthy and what is messed up and damagaing from this book. Why? Because the protagonist doesn't realize that Christian Grey is a sick man with issues that need to be resolved regarding sexual behavior. I'm no prude by any means whatsoever, but as an adult, I know the difference between a healthy, fun sexual relationship and one that is abusive. You can say you are "mature enough," but that will just reinforce that you probably are not. Teens tend to view books through the lens of the female protagonist, and that protagonist is unable to recognize her relationship for what it is. There are tens of thousands of better books to read anyway - why read this one? It is horrendously written anyway - the repetive phrases and sentence structure is awful.
I actually like how some Manga and comic books and TV shows are labelled with Content Advisories. It says something like "This work contains scenes of graphic violence, use of profane language, with adult situations and explicit sexual content. Recommended for a mature audience". The work itself is not restricted or censored...but at least you know what it contains and can make a choice whether or not to look at it--or a parent can at least be aware of what the book or show or comic book contains and then make a parental decision. I note this as a parent myself. HOWEVER...when I was a kid...I snuck into my parents bedroom and found my Dad's Playboys and, even though I was too young to really know what sex was...I instinctively knew it to be something of profound curiosity and mystery and i wanted to know about it. And libraries are packed with book with expilcit content that any smart kid can access and read at their leisure.
So we can do whatever we can to "protect" our kids from the world, but the world is there, nevertheless, and they will experience it eventually. May as well let them get as much knowledge and experience as possible so that they will be capable of making smart and successful decisions concerning their future.
But, personally, i have a hard time seeing my daughters grow up so fast, being so precocious...they know so much more than i ever did when i was their age. The idea of letting them go eventually scares the hell out of me. But I have to remind myself that I was their age once, and I discovered things on my own and used to LOVE discovering knew things, good and bad. I don't want to deny them to joy of learning new stuff. ever. It's so much fun, such a wonderful thing. It's a beautiful and exciting world and i want them to be excited about living in it.
Anthony wrote: "I actually like how some Manga and comic books and TV shows are labelled with Content Advisories. It says something like "This work contains scenes of graphic violence, use of profane language, wit..."what a warm, honest, and open response...
I don't care for age restrictions on anything. Warnings, yes, but I think it is the parents responsibility to handle this. Only the parents/guardians know what their child/teen is mature enough to handle.
Kristin wrote: "I don't care for age restrictions on anything. Warnings, yes, but I think it is the parents responsibility to handle this. Only the parents/guardians know what their child/teen is mature enough to ..."glad there are some sensible people out there, those that believe parents do have a responsibility and a duty to be involved in their childs life and don't want to delegate this to "our" government to legislate parenting.
Kristin wrote: "I don't care for age restrictions on anything. Warnings, yes, but I think it is the parents responsibility to handle this. Only the parents/guardians know what their child/teen is mature enough to ..."I get this, I do, but if I don't think my child is in a position to handle the books content, it doesn't mean a thing if he/she can walk into any store and buy it on their own anyway and ignore my wishes. If it's age restricted, and I think they can handle it, I can choose to buy it and give it to them letting them know that I'm here to answer any questions they might have.
I agree with Christie, it should be restricted like movies and DVDs and then it can be up to me as a parent to decide if my child is mature enough to read something like this. Kids will not understand the content of this book, the way an adult can.
you mean that kids today do not get into NC17 films (underage) don't play video game that are not age approaite, do not get a hold of liquor before they are 21,smoke, have unprotected sex (because birth control is age restricted), watch dvd's, read books....etc. Don't you think it would be better to prepare them, support them, and guide them on how to make better decisions, provide alternatives, compromises, solid and open reasons that they can understand, Vs shuting it down because "we" the parents are embarrased, ashamed,or can not comprehend alternative sexual practices or do not want to discuss such subject matter.
It is a parents right to make the decision they feel are best for their children, and it is the childs game to do what they want, and igore their parents wishes. so lets give them the tools to make the correct decisions, and know when they are in over their heads and that they can come to use for help and explainations without the fear of getting in trouble.
And yes I was a parent, my daughter is now a parent herself at the age of 28, and i hope that she will have the tools to help her make the correct decisions
Yes better for us to prepare them ourselves, not have them go out and try to figure it out on their own. If they have age restrictions of course they can find a way around it, (I know I did as a child) but being a parent we should all be able to show and explain the difference between what's right and wrong. You put an age restriction they know there's a reason why, even if they dont understand that reason, it's up to us to explain it. It's like saying there going to do drugs anyway so lets just make it legal. Which is not the way to go.
They should know there are consequences to their actions. Restrictions let them know this!
i think that there could be an age limit but if kids 14 and up want to read these books they should be able to because everyone likes a good book but only if the parents allow their childen to read these books and if they are mature also
I would freak out if my teen read this. 18 and above only.
i agree teens arent going to not read something if it have sex scenes in it and if u say no they may want to read it more
I'm 14 & I read everything and anything. I've read erotica and I don't think sex scenes are that big of a deal. It's natural and we've been educated about it, right? I mean, just because we're younger, under 18, etc. it's not like we don't understand the underlying concepts of the book. I didn't get distracted by the sexual things—okay maybe a little tiny bit—but not enough to think that this trilogy was STRICTLY porn. I enjoyed this series not because of all the sex and everything. I liked their struggle to stay together and I liked how Christian's actions change so much as the series progressed. All the sex didn't interfere with what I liked and didn't. My parents know that I've read books that aren't appropriate to some people, but they said they rather I read whatever I want then to limit me, which might lead to me not telling them in the future of things I might do. And warnings, yes. I think there should be a warning just in case some teen picks up the book not knowing anything about the book, but I don't there should be restrictions.
& for heaven's sake, we're teens. This is NOT the most sexual thing I've read. & I know adults think it might be wrong to be exposed to sex so "early" through books but just listening to the radio exposes us to sex. Watching movies and tv shows exposes us. Everything is full of sexual innuendos. Music. Ads. TV shows. & Books. & even if there are restrictions on some things (movies for example), it's not like teens aren't seeing them anyways. Sneaking it, watching online, etc.
Overall, I just think that age limitations shouldn't be placed on things like books.
Why don't we just keep focusing on enforcing the restrictions on alcohol, drugs, etc.
Definitely! But i guess with all the technologies right now, small percentage of teenagers would take their time to read it...they might enjoy hanging out with friends or doing techie stuff rather than reading books.
I think it's quite sad when parents say that they would rather their child read about such sexual encounters - I would rather my child come to me, and ask! Like I did when I was younger, I would like to believe that I am open and honest enough with my children to be able to answer their questions and them to trust me enough as to approach me, not learn about it by reading about some broken alpha male and his 21 yo muse.
There does need to be an age limit. A child's understanding of what is going on around them is different at every stage of development. Books, movies, games and such really do need to be age appropriate. Where it is true that the adults in a child's world can not be there 24/7, the adults can see to it as much as possible what the child is presented with is not beyond the ability to understand and discern what is theirs and what is for grown ups. Childhood is such a short period of time. Let them enjoy it.
Okay fifty shades is too intense for our youth but I have found worse in the public library. We push our youth to grow up too fast these days. We need to allow our youth to be youth and to protect them as much as possible. Unfortunately by the time they reach middle school many have already had sexual relations. I cant help but think that in our effort to protect our youth by teaching them about sex in school we opened them up to experimenting with sex way before they would have to begin with. It all starts in the home and how parents raise their children.
Deborah ~Mrs. Kellan Kyle~ wrote: "Because Hunger Games and Lord of The Flies are scenarios that our children will most like never experience. Since sex is one that they will experience, they should be exposed to healthy, loving rel..."
Why do you have to chose between the two? They both are too intense and we should guard against both. It isnt the youth who have parents involved that we need to worry about but the youth who have parents who dont care or are too busy trying to survive.
Why do you have to chose between the two? They both are too intense and we should guard against both. It isnt the youth who have parents involved that we need to worry about but the youth who have parents who dont care or are too busy trying to survive.
Paris (kerbytejas) wrote: "you mean that kids today do not get into NC17 films (underage) don't play video game that are not age approaite, do not get a hold of liquor before they are 21,smoke, have unprotected sex (because ..."Of course they do. That doesn't mean that we should just let go of age restrictions on things. Kids that really want to will find a way, but we shouldn't make it easier for them. Heck, why have any age restrictions or rules on anything at all if that's the theory we're going to use? People will find a way to do what they want anyway, so why bother. Smoking, drinking, driving a car, are all things kids sometimes do even when they aren't old enough, so should we just give up on age laws there too?
Not having age restrictions tells our kids we don't care and they can do what they want. That's probably the worst message we can send them. It's not about taking away the right of the parent to give it to them, just the ability of the child to obtain the material too early. Even if you think your 15 year old can handle it, what about a 9 or 10 year old? Because without some kind of age guidline, even they could buy it.
And one more thing, just because a 15 year old can handle reading it, doesn't necessarily mean they should. There's a lot to process and take in with these books. Pick up some young adult literature for young adults and let them find this book when they are older. There really shouldn't be such a rush to make our kids grow up.
As most other people have said, if they are going to put a restriction on explicit books, there should be one on violence in books as well. It should be more like a movie rating or not at all. Most of the all it comes down to parenting. It should the parent's choice on wheather their child should read a book like this. Honestly, it depends on the teen.
I do think there should be an age limit on this book because it wasn't written for children. It's obviousl very adult material. However if parents choose to allow there children to read it that should be there decision. I know I personally wouldn't allow my 13 and 15 yea old daughters read them because it would shock them. Since sex and violence is everywhere people think it's no big deal but being aggressed by these images on a daily basis can't make growing up at your own pace easy. Not every tenager wants to look at these images and that should be respected.
Christie wrote: "Paris (kerbytejas) wrote: "you mean that kids today do not get into NC17 films (underage) don't play video game that are not age approaite, do not get a hold of liquor before they are 21,smo..."Very well said. Age restrictions will at least try to limit children's access to adult material. If a child has to get an adult to buy the book for them, maybe that adult would stop that from happening.
agreed and if i hadf kids i would let them read what they like my parents never put limits on what i read i dought i would have listened anyways
Nuran wrote: "I don't think there should be an age limit. It all depends on the teen themselves, some are mature enough to handle it, some understand fiction from facts. I was 11 when I started to read mature ..."
Christina wrote: "No, I do not think sexually explicit books should have an age limit. I am saying this as a mother of 2 girls. Our society has a strange, and in my opinion unhealthy inclination to view sex as wro..."
While a big part of me agrees with you ladies, and because I am so very anti-sensorship, I want to completely agree with you; but I have some significant concerns about allowing this material into the hands of young, impressionable girls.
First of all, all this orgasm-ing and passion does not happen the first time any woman has sex....it gives a sense that this is what it's really supposed to be like; and we all know that it's just not. Not that sex isn't spectacular, but to give an young girl with an impressionable mind that this is what sex with someone you are in love with is supposed to be like really scares me. And while what happens behind the doors of two consenting adults is their own business; I am not sure we should be opening a viewing window of that fantsy sexual behaviour to adolescents. Children and adolescents should be given accurate, real information about sex; not learning from a fantasy book where it's not the reality....for 99% of the population that is...
I know that Manga, Japanese graphic novels, come with ratings of G (General) , T (Teen), OT (Older Teen 16+), and M (Mature). These are purely advisory ratings, but my parents would check them before allowing me to buy the books when I was teenager. I defiantly think it's more up to the parents to control what their kids are watching, but a note on the back cover of what the book may contain wouldn't be a bad thing. To me, it's not the sex in the book that's worrying, honestly it's very very mild as far as the BDSM goes, but more the dynamic of the relationship itself. I wouldn't want my children thinking that abusive tendencies or manipulation in relationships is what they should look for in a partner. Again, I'd say advisory warning on the book, parent's discretion.
Christine wrote: "I know that Manga, Japanese graphic novels, come with ratings of G (General) , T (Teen), OT (Older Teen 16+), and M (Mature). These are purely advisory ratings, but my parents would check them befo..."I totally agree!
I know now as a parent that i wouldn't really want under 14's reading it. But i also know that at say 12ish if i had heard about the book i would of wanted to read it & i know for a fact if i was told not to read it because of my age then i would of made sure i read it. (i was a brat)
I remember when i was about 12 a friends older sister was discussing vibrators with her sister & I, I had no idea about them. She told me & my friend that you shouldn't use a vibe before you have intercourse as it will totally ruin sex for you. At the time is was like *shrug* but i remembered it for 12 years and counting & infact i am sure i told other people what she said. She also gave us other information about sex & sexual health - it was actually fantastic having a source of information that wasn't my parents or a school nurse. I wish it had been as easy to pick up book's that contained sex as it is now.
Nowadays i know there is internet & stuff for children to check out. I do think books can be a great source of information & i think to start limiting people's access to them would be awful. I do not think that FSOG is in anyway a good source of information but when you start limiting one book where do you stop?
Uhh hopefully i didn't just babble & you all got what i was trying to say.
Well I wouldn't want my teenage daughters to read this book. They may come away thinking this kind of manipulative relationship is real love. Although I understand what you're saying. It puts the burden of proof on the parents to monitor what their children are exposed to. There's nothing wrong with having an advisory put on certain material.
I'm 16 and loved the books, I think children under the age if 16 shouldn't read these books.
I had a teaching colleague that once said once you can read what you read is your business. The fact of the matter is that unless you emotionally connect it won't interest.C.S Lewis was brought up in a house literally full of books, some suitable for children and some definitely not and none of them forbidden. I had a similar experience, my dad had two books on sexual practice in anthropological terms, Love in Action and The Pretence of Love. I went through and through his bookshelves and didn't even notice them until I was about 15. Now I own them.
He also had Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin along with many other Baldwin novels. Again I very much enjoyed this book but only once I got it, before that it was boring.
In the past we didn't even write books or tell stories for children - there were just stories. Most of the fairy tales today were filled with violence in the past. Maybe we should let children be children and that means experiencing things as they come and being there to answer questions and guide them through. After all look at the quote from Tess used in Fifty Shades about learning from novels and then read it in the original context. Surely she would have been better off if she had read a racey book or two.
Xanpet wrote: "I had a teaching colleague that once said once you can read what you read is your business. The fact of the matter is that unless you emotionally connect it won't interest.C.S Lewis was brought u..."
You have a great, logical response (and one that I will likely follow with my own children), and I see you grew up in a home that gave you a safe, suportive structure to read and explore literature. As a teacher, however, I see too many students that do not have the parental support at home to go to if they would be disturbed by something they read or saw in the media. It is for those students that I wish some books, this one included, had an advisory and limited the age of those who could purchase it.
No matter how badly it was written, I believe there should be an age limit of course! Hahaha the last thing you want to see is a 10 year old reading it! D: Now that would be terrible. But I guess it is ok for young adults, they are growing, they understand what happens when different genders are 'intimate' or the same whatever and only in one condition that they can read it is that, they should not, NOT be influenced, tempted or curious to try it themselves! No no no!!
Paris (kerbytejas) wrote: "you mean that kids today do not get into NC17 films (underage) don't play video game that are not age approaite, do not get a hold of liquor before they are 21,smoke, have unprotected sex (because ..."While I agree with you on some level, I have to ask, just because kids sneak into those films and get the odd person to buy them beer, does that mean we remove all limitations from adolescents? Everyone seems to forget (and how can we not these days) that children are the most vulnerable population within our society. (Seniors are next, but at least, armed with some wisdom) We have a job as adults in society to protect these youth. They seem older than they are, have access to information no adult had even ten years ago, and have the ability to argue to the point of exhaustion! But the point is; they are NOT older than they look; their little adolescent brains have NOT fully developed and much of that impulsive, reckless behaviour that they engage in is simply because they do not have the ability to fully understand the consequences of their actions. And for you adoelscents who don't believe me, ask any teenage mother who thought the boyfriend would be there forever, or the kid who broke into the corner store simply in a dare....insight and judgement take time to develop; and I know plenty of adults who don't have that well into their twenties and thirties...
So for that reason, yes, sexually explicit material needs to kept out of the hands of youth. Sex is an amazing, beautiful, incredible thing. I would not want my 15 year old engaging in BDSM stuff...besides, there are more important issues for our children to read about....let them read about the Rwanda genocide, the current climate change issues, the progression of women's rights. Far more graphic and real then some novel......
Well written and thought out Kim! I totally agree.
Kim wrote: "Paris (kerbytejas) wrote: "you mean that kids today do not get into NC17 films (underage) don't play video game that are not age approaite, do not get a hold of liquor before they are 21,smo..."Yes! Very well written indeed Kim! I agree with you. But I believe that there are some teens out there who know the difference between right and wrong, because of how they are brought up. But the problem is no matter how many times we warn they still do it :/
ok i agree to a point its not really fair that we tell younnger people what to do they should be able to read books with anything in it as long as they know that the way it is in these books is not how it really happens and its somewhat made up im saying this from no evidence of sex at all seeing as ive never had it but still ive read enough on the internet to know that when u do have intercourse for the first time i dont think and have read that you dont have an orgasm the first time it also hurts alot as ive read but this is different for everyone. and i also read that sometimes u can have an orgasm the first time but i dont really trust the internet for my information
I am 15 and I have 50 shades, I respect what everyone is saying about this, how it should and shouldn't be read by teens however reading the first book has done me no harm. Don't underestimate us teens as we know what's going on and to be quite honest most people at school, college ect talk about discusting things like this everyday so for us it's not that shocking.
I am just about to start the second book and I am reading it not for the "sex" but instead to see how Ana tackels her love for this confused man and how 50 shades battles through his past to meet Ana in their future. I want to read about their feelings and problems and it has help me escape from troubles i'm having at school.
You may think this sounds perthetic, but I feel at times that I can relate to Ana as i have felt like this when I have been in a serious relationship and he wanted to go further but I didn't, however I didn't want to loose him so I faced a dilema. Luckily I made the right decision and it has worked out for the best for me, however I am intreged to find out how this story will take a twist.
My parents are unaware that I am reading the trilology and my mom did say she didn't want me reading them, however I have downloaded them on my Kindle which makes it extremely easy for any age to read it so from that point of view I think kindle and Amazon should do more about it as I wouldn't want a 12 year old reading this which I am shore is happening right now.
However much you dissagree it's not like I am going to read about this erotic and what I consider unsuitable behaviour and actually do it myself so I don't see what it matters if us teens read it or not however I think no younger than 15 should read it as I would say it is unsuitable for the younger teenagers.
Think about if you would have wanted to read it when you were my age.......you would right?
Thanks
i agree if ur under 15 you shouldnt read the 50 shades series
Hannah, you inadvertently proved my point.....just because you can download a book like 50 Shades to your kindle and read it doesn't mean that you should. I really really REALLY hope you have someone in your life you can talk to about sex in an open, honest manner. Every young person needs that. No, I don't think you are going to read what's in the book and go out and do it; the fact that you are willing to engage in a conversation about it proves that. But just because you CAN download it, doesn't mean you should. And yeah, I probably would have tried to read it, but here's the thing; trashy romance novels with graphic sex aren't new. Neither is young adults offering each other sex advice. It can just end badly is my point. You sound like an intelligent, reasonable young woman (after all, you are spending your time on book forums!); trust me when I say that these books aren't going anywhere...they will still be there when you are in a different life space and can appreciate them more....use your intelligence and passion to improve yourself; enjoy smut later! ;)
It's a person decision weather they read it or not, all these theories are just based on theories that have been formed throughout the years. If you read it and your under age then too bad, it is your decision.
I'm 16 and loving the books, people that say i'm to young well then to bad, get of my case for being to young, it is none of your business.
i think anyone should be able to read whatever they like no matter what the content
Deborah ♥Mrs. Kellan Kyle♥ wrote: "I don't think I'd want my 14-15 year old reading about deep-throating. Sorry, but Anna is really descriptive in FSoG. The story is explicit and if it were made into a movie based on the book dialog..."I think it would probably done the same way as with R rated movies and M rated video games. When you check it out you have to show an ID card to prove you are the appropriate age. If you have an e-reader, I it would be a little bit easier for someone to get a hold of it, because they could easily use their parent's info to get past any blocks. I think teens who really want to read it will most likely get their hands on it. There's so much that can be done, but in the end it's really up to the parent's.
Tane wrote: "I'm 16 and loving the books, people that say i'm to young well then to bad, get of my case for being to young, it is none of your business."well you did take a stand in post # 83 - you felt children/teens under 16 shouldn't read them
do i see a flip flopper her
Eva wrote: "I don't think that its responsible to let someone read this without having the experience of a loving relationship (sex wise), if they are virgins they are going to think that it's normal to wip so..."Well, I am and I don't think its normal at all XD
I think maybe there should be an age limit, or at least a warning maybe? Like what they do for films. But its all too easy for a kid to ask parents to go buy a book, film, or game that is unsuitable for their age. So I think putting an age limit on them might not be very affectiveVery much agree with you, Kimberley :)
Yes, there should be an age limit of 17/18 depending on the book. I won't let my 15 yr old read fifty shades because of the BDSM in it. Even this book should be rated higher than 18 due to the BDSM content in the book, it is definitely for the more mature mind and more sexual experienced. If a book has a couple of sex scenes in it then 17 is fine.
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