Memoir Authors discussion
This topic is about
Chris Bullock
Writing
>
To name or not to name?
Chris wrote: "I have already written two memoirs from my family history, however these were historical and specifically before 'living memory' and therefore naming them didn't seem to be a problem.However my '..."
If it's a novel, it's fictional. Use any names you so desire. If it's a memoir, get permission where you are able and use pseudonyms (indicate where you use them) where you are unable.
Thanks Sharon, that does clarify the position for me. My latest 'novel/memoir' is about my schooldays and fits the definition of a memoir, although I hope to make it read like a novel, if I can?
My first two books
Living through Hope!
and
The Waggoner
were written as novels, but were based on historical facts, names and relationships of my ancestors.
I suppose, like many books, it is not particularly easy to categorize exactly.
Chris, the subject matter of my memoir called for all the names to be changed. Regarding your memoir and others where the subject matter is not discriminatory, I still stand by changing the names. This is just my personal opinion. The reason I say this is that it doesn't make a difference to the story or the reader (who doesn't know the characters) what name you use, but it does matter to the people who are in the story who didn't choose to be there! Just my thoughts...
Sounds practical. Taking your initial advice, I tried eliminating names from my 'Schooldays' memoir, where I could. It works up to a point, (such as my first friend or my girlfriend, if they are only mentioned briefly) but I can't eliminate them entirely - the story starts to get very impersonal if I do that, particularly with individuals that play a large role in the story.
So your advice makes sense in giving them different, perhaps meaningful, names.
The individuals will know who they are, without telling the world.
I would love to read your book chris
I have had my siblings read my memoir and was asked by one to change her name, she works for the state and would rather not have her name show up in it. I have decided to respect that, and agree the names don't change the readers experience, I am now going to change all the names. It seems right to me.
Good for you Josh. A family member of mine wrote a memoir (as yet unpublished) and I was surprised to see that she used real names without asking any of us. I then requested that she change my family's names and she refused! I decided in the end that it wasn't worth getting worked up about or ruining relationships over, so I've had to let it go.
Check out my blog on the healing nature of memoir writing.http://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_...
I wrote my memoir, Navigating Life's Roadways in the format of stories with different metaphors.
Just released another one in the format of essays, poems, speeches on my life stages. Life is A Review: Observations and Collections of My Passages Through the Times.
I have a question that pertains to this thread. I have two different people in my memoir that are doctors. They are both amazing men and one in particular was very important in my journey. Do I use their real names? Do I ask permission/notify them to use their names and await their response? Or do I play it safe and change their names?Thank you in advance!
Best,
Amy
Hi Amy, if there is no reason why you shouldn't use their real names (embarrassment, sensitive matter etc) and you are using real names for the other characters in your book, then I would definitely ask their permission to see if they are okay with it. They might even be flattered! If you can't contact them, or want to change their names for any reason, I like the idea of using shortened names like Dr. P, then you don't even need to explain that it's not their real names! Hope that helps somewhat :)Leila
Leila wrote: "Hi Amy, if there is no reason why you shouldn't use their real names (embarrassment, sensitive matter etc) and you are using real names for the other characters in your book, then I would definitel..."Leila,
Thank you again for your feedback! There is a character I would clearly not name, where my experience was not positive! There was one physician, who truly is a hero of mine, just for the fact he listened to me!! I would like to think he would be flattered, as I will always sing his praises! Thank you again for your advice, this is just what I need!!
Best,
Amy
My memoir includes many embarrassing and very candid moments that are mostly about me attending college and growing into my own. Including those moments allowed me to better relate to my readers and provide some very hilarious stories. I felt it was unfair to assume everyone in it would want to be tied to all my decisions as a young adult. I am not ashamed of any of them or would change my decision.. they were all part of growing up... however, I wanted to give everyone who is in the option to reveal themselves if wanted. https://www.amazon.com/author/roxyric...
I changed everyone's name, except for mine! After two years of going back and forth, trying to accommodate various family members, researching the legal aspect and being overwhelmed by all of it; it was a simpler format -change everyone's name clean across the board.
Funny but I never thought I'd write a memoir and here I am. I have two novels out (Cute Eats Cute and End of Men) both have autobiographical elements but are clearly fiction. Then I hatched this idea to write a book (Book of Jobs) about all the jobs I had, mainly for my two sons who are in college. I am illustrating each one with a cartoon (I call them "New Yorker" style) and suddenly it's turning into something what might actually I be marketable. It's pretty funny I have to say. But it's full of people, family, friends, ex-bosses etc and my tone is pretty sardonic (David Sedaris) so no one is unscathed. This thread helped me decide to apply pseudonyms throughout and make a note in the begin explaining that I did that. Still, it seems weird to have a pseudonym for my wife and siblings so I might keep them "real." I won't ask them permission, they'd say no. But I won't say anything horrible about them (sibs) and most of their material is when we were kids anyway. But thanks everyone.
I used other names throughout, and also wrote under a pen name. I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshellsuntil the older generation had passed away. I didn't tell my immediate family, I was pretty sure they would not agree with my point of view in the book, and with over 10 million or so books om Amazon, I thought it might go unnoticed. It didn't! They were not pleased, but I simply told the truth as I saw it, I could do no more.
Lucinda wrote: "I used other names throughout, and also wrote under a pen name. I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshellsuntil the older generation had passed away. I didn't tell m..."
Lucinda, there is always a risk in telling the truth. I mentioned above that I lost a dear friend over my first memoir, even though I changed his name and made an effort to disguise his identity. I rue the loss but do not regret writing the book or that it was published.
Lucinda wrote: "I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshells until the older generation had passed away."Great title for a book, Lucinda. I tend to describe my childhood as "walking on eggshells" re. my scary mother. Fortunately scary mother has never once turned a computer on in her eighty year life.
I know the more familiar phrase is Walking ON Eggshells, but there were already several books with that name so I changed mine slightly so it would be easy to find on Amazon! I know it sounds altruistic, but so few people know about personality disorders and it should be widely known. My biggest problem in writing the book is that I am primarily a comedy writer, so there is lots to laugh about in the book, I just couldn't help myself.
Mirta wrote: "I changed everyone's name, except for mine! After two years of going back and forth, trying to accommodate various family members, researching the legal aspect and being overwhelmed by all of it; i..."Yes, by far the easiest, though I had to write a list of both names side by side so I didn't slip up! Not sure if I covered the legal bit when I wrote in the front that this was a true story as I saw it, though others may have seen things differently.
Natasha (Diarist) wrote: "Lucinda wrote: "I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshells until the older generation had passed away."Great title for a book, Lucinda. I tend to describe my childh..."
My mother was convinced that computers came from the devil as they groomed young girls and then seduced them!
Natasha (Diarist) wrote: "Lucinda wrote: "I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshells until the older generation had passed away."Great title for a book, Lucinda. I tend to describe my childh..."
My mother was convinced that computers came from the devil as they groomed young girls and then seduced them!
Jeffrey wrote: "Lucinda wrote: "I used other names throughout, and also wrote under a pen name. I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshellsuntil the older generation had passed away...."
I have no regrets either Jeffrey, especially if the book is an inspiration to even one person, then all the hard work will have been worth it.
Lucinda wrote: "Jeffrey wrote: "Lucinda wrote: "I used other names throughout, and also wrote under a pen name. I also waited to publish my memoir Walking Over Eggshellsuntil the older generation ..."
Well said, Linda.
I am the author of a trilogy of memoirs: cold war escape stories I was involved in. The first, FOR THE CHILDREN - the story of my family's escape from Hungary in 1956 - will be published early this year by Editions Dedicaces. There are no issues there re use of names as the protagonists are my parents who have passed away and the antagonists are nameless secret police and Russian soldiers... I have several publishers interested in the second, THE EXPO AFFAIR, the story of three Czechoslovak hostesses who approached me to help them defect to Canada at Expo'70 in Japan. The issue for me here is that some of the other players have become important figures in their own right in Canada, and, with the action playing out in the early 70's, and we all being young...well we got in to some interesting activities. I have shown the manuscript to all the other key actors I could reach, and only one objected - becasue he thought it was being disrespectful to someone else, who in fact everyone else finds I portray with much respect as one of the great heroes in the story. What do I do? The "truth" element of the memoir loses something if I change names, and everyone else involved will know anyway...
Geza, My advice:If truth is more important to you than the objector's feelings - publish with names. If the objector's feelings are more important to you, then change it in a way he/she can accept. Let your own values guide your decision.
Thanks, Jeffrey. That is my thought as well. Also, one of the publishers looking at it has expressed a similar view.
I would change the names. I changed the names of some of the characters in my book even though the story was true. This protects you from being accused of slander and also protects the people you are writing about. The story is what matters.
I'd say to Geza and others -- talk to an attorney. There are legal as well as ethical issues in describing the actions of other people in your memoir. Some things you might include are actionable, meaning someone could file suit and maybe win. If you want to take a legal risk, fine, but take it knowingly.The ethical questions are something else and they do depend on your values, as Jeffrey points out. It's a tough question.
Thank you Barbara. Sound advice and I do intend to talk to a lawyer friend of mine before publication.
I'm facing the same dilemma about naming. Who has contacted a lawyer? What kind of attorney would you recommend? I want to talk to someone with experience, not someone who thinks they know the answer (from experience, I know that even if an attorney is a generalist, they will have areas of the law they know, and areas they don't).
Never put the real name of anyone without prior approval. You could also get sued despite using alternate names if there is enough information to lead the average reader to identify such people. That doesn't mean the person who sues you would win. As long as you have proof that what you wrote is true then you're fine. Moreover, personal opinions of people are allowed as long as you clearly write that your statement is a personal opinion.
Poppy wrote: "I'm facing the same dilemma about naming. Who has contacted a lawyer? What kind of attorney would you recommend? I want to talk to someone with experience, not someone who thinks they know the answ..."I'm a retired lawyer and made my comments above. Since I am retired, I can't give formal legal advice, so in case the Bar is monitoring this thread (I'm joking for literalists), my post was my opinion as a writer/publisher not an atty.
Tamer wrote: "Never put the real name of anyone without prior approval. You could also get sued despite using alternate names if there is enough information to lead the average reader to identify such people. Th..."Thanks for this post. I needed to hear it too.
If in doubt get their permission in writing.
I've alienated most of my large family by naming names in an unpublished memoir - A Fire Somewhere. After consultations with a lawyer, threats of litigation from a sibling's, and deep consideration I took out all the names of living persons and changed the names of All the others. I kept mine, my father (who is deceased) and promised not to publish until after my mother has passed away. It has been devastating to tell the truth and be excluded from the family circle. It broke their trust to reveal family secrets. Get it in writing or change them is a good way to go. Changing names will not sacrifice the truth.
Kevin, So sad to hear your story. I'm thinking that a lot of us might want to do what our predecessors did -- write fiction. I think we have to ask ourselves, "Why am I telling this story in memoir format? Is nonfiction necessary? Might I be much freer as a novelist." My answer to that question, unfortunately, is that I don't have all that mcuh confidence in my ability to make things up. But maybe lots of people in this conversation do have that talent!
Hey Kevin! I totally understand what you're going through. My memoir briefly involved a multi-billion dollar university somewhere in the Middle East where crazy things took place. I changed all the names in mine so I wouldn't get sued. You can still get your message across in the sense of lessons learned, personal reflections, etc. We don't write memoirs for revenge, but to transcend the past into the future. It doesn't hurt when a world-famous publication like Science Magazine picks up the story and features your book ;) http://news.sciencemag.org/education/...
Kevin, thank you for sharing your story. It's not an easy situation. In my case, I felt if I published my memoir when my family members were still alive would have done harm and ruined relationships. That was not worth it to me. So I debated - fiction vs non-fiction but I knew that wouldn't fly either. I wrote anyway and had a draft pretty well done. When the last member of my family died (my sister, sadly too young), I felt free to write the book I needed to write. It became "The Coconut Latitudes: Secrets, Storms and Survival in the Caribbean", which was published in September 2014. It has connected me in ways I never expected with other people from my past (book is about growing up in an alcoholic family in a tropical paradise - we were coconut growers in the Dominican Republic during the time of a brutal dictator.) I'm so sorry you were excluded from the family circle; you were braver than I do to what I did - I wish you the best.
It seems as if this is a problem many memoirists wrestle with. I have a hard time figuring out how one can change the names of people close to the writer. Like my father, my mother, etc. It seems as if it is a mask that would soon be pulled off unless the writer is a pseudonym, and I know that as a reader I don't trust a writer who doesn't write under her own name as I do one who does. I have considered changing the names of friends, etc.
Yes, that makes sense, Elizabeth. I would change the names of coworkers, too! I am writing about my nuclear family, so it would feel very odd to me to try to mask them.
Luanne wrote: "I know that as a reader I don't trust a writer who doesn't write under her own name as I do one who does."Hi Luanne, I have published my diaries. I don't use my real name. I'm interested to know what you might not trust about that?
I'm not speaking of your diaries in particular and have not read them, so I can't speak to that specifically. In general, I think that when a writer who is writing a true story about him or herself is transparent that the reader feels more trust than in someone who writes from an anonymous voice. I don't think it's just me that feels that way as this has been discussed in writing classes I've taken. nevertheless, it is definitely more comfortable for a lot of writers to do so. If Mary Karr had concealed herself The Liar's Club would lose some of its power because it would take on the feel of fiction.
Yes, OK, Luanne, gotcha. That does make sense. Much of my feedback has been along the lines of 'I cannot believe the author was brave enough to publish such raw material.' I've never felt a sense of distrust from a reader. But yes, someone using their real name is accountable in a way that I am not.
I'm currently writing a personal memoir, and I've published a book about my son's life and untimely death (Deadly Mix). My general policy is to use names except in circumstances where identifying someone could be embarrassing or raise legal issues. I usually use names of persons who are deceased, but even in that case I'm reluctant to use real names if there are survivors who might be embarrassed. When I decide not to use a real name, I often use a made-up name that has relevance for me but doesn't offer any clues to readers. I also try to avoid using other identifying information, such as college attended, town of residence, etc. Hope these thoughts are helpful.
Natasha, yes, that accountability thing. Your book looks interesting! James, that is really helpful, I think. Did you find when you wrote your first book that you used real names in the first draft and then at some point changed the names or did you start with "made up" names?
Luanne - it's such a tricky thing when dealing with memoir and real people. I have to say I decided NOT to publish my memoir "The Coconut Latitudes" until after my family members had passed away. There was no way they wouldn't know who was being referred to, and I couldn't risk losing the love of my family members. The book reveals family secrets that everyone else in the family would NEVER talk about. I will say that it's important to WRITE your story as truthfully as you can...get a manuscript...but then make those decisions. Every story is different. Good luck.
Rita, your memoir sounds like the same sort as mine--about family secrets! I know what you mean. I might do the same thing, get it all finished and then wait.
Luanne wrote: "Natasha, yes, that accountability thing. Your book looks interesting! James, that is really helpful, I think. Did you find when you wrote your first book that you used real names in the first draft..."I used real names in Deadly Mix, though I did get permission from a few people who are in perilous situations in the Middle East. I referred to some minor characters without using names when I thought they could be embarrassed by what I was writing. In my current memoir project, I'm using made-up names for sensitive situations with main characters (e.g., ex-lovers), and I'm referring to some people (e.g., siblings) by relationship but not by name. This works for me, as I don't believe I'm losing anything in the telling of my story.
James, thanks, that all makes sense. I guess we have to go by each individual character for each book.
Memoir Authors
Books mentioned in this topic
I Had Jelly on My Nose and A Hole in My Breeches: The Memoir of A Boy on His Dangerous Journey (other topics)Walking Over Eggshells (other topics)
Walking Over Eggshells (other topics)
Walking Over Eggshells (other topics)
Walking Over Eggshells (other topics)
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However my 'novel in progress' is within my lifetime and most individuals are still alive. Somehow, I need to name the characters, but do I use their real names, albeit only christian names, or do I 'protect the innocent' and use nicknames or alternatives?
There are too many to ask individual permission?
Any thoughts?