Terminalcoffee discussion
Rants / Debates (Serious)
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When, if ever, is it okay to "parent" someone else's child?
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I'd also call 911 if I saw an unattended animal (or child) in anyone's car between May and September. Two dogs died while a woman shopped in Joliet yesterday. It was only 81 degrees, but in the car, hot enough to die.
Go Misha! I do the same thing to neighborhood kids riding their bikes in the parking lot: if they aren't paying attention to incoming cars I'll yell; if it still doesn't work, I'll call the cops. When I was working retail I had to police other people's kids all the time, and I didn't give a shit if the parents were standing right there. I have to be meaner than is probably necessary, since most kids don't think I'm old enough to have any authority over them, but I don't feel bad. I'm all for letting kids fall down and pick themselves up, but if your kid is climbing up a 6' tall set of rickety, sharp-edged retail shelves, you better believe I'm going to yell at that kid, and if the parent doesn't like it, too bad.I had a friend that once got into a fistfight with a man because the guy struck his little girl across the face in public. The cops sided with my friend and I have a lot of respect for someone that is willing to put their neck out on the line for someone else, even when the world would like you to believe that it's none of your business. Sometimes, you just have to do what you feel is right.
Lobstergirl wrote: "If little kids were running in front of my car repeatedly, I'd call 911. Have some cops come out and give them a talking to. Put the fear of God into them and their parents. I think most cops wo..."I'm definitely with you on reporting kids and animals left in hot cars. I'll call the cops, then go inside the store the parent/owner is in and have a worker announce the make and model of the car and that they have left their kid/pet in the heat, so the owner can be humiliated as well as prosecuted.
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I say make a big stink about it - what those people need is to be shamed into doing what they should do. If they get pissy with you, just turn it right back around on them. I ignore almost all bad behavior in public, but this is a real exception for me. It also does the kids good - when they go on to inevitably have their own kids at age 13 - to know that their parents way wasn't the usual way.
As a parent, with oodles of teeny nieces and nephews I would certainly appreciate it if someone scolded one of my charges for dangerous or snotty behaviour while my back was turned attending to another of my charges! I wouldn’t mind at all. Not that I allow my daughter or nieces/nephews to run amok unsupervised, but when you have a few with you- on occasion one can get away. It doesn’t happen often, they’re all pretty well behaved with me (Auntie Mel doesn’t mess around), but they’re very young and sometimes can get into things that they shouldn’t out of simple curiosity.
Do you think you could complain, Misha, to the management in your complex? LG makes a great point about preventing the behaviour and the potential for financial loss.
This evening I went for a walk down the street with my son. At one house we saw a young boy who had to be less than two years old. He was in the driveway, alone, and had a beach ball with him. When the ball started rolling towards the street, he followed it. No adults, no older kids around -- just this one little tyke.This is the same house where an eight year old child died months ago when he walked into the path of a crossbow bolt his father had shot.
I gave him back his ball and watched him totter into the backyard. I'm a fucking moron for not following him all the way and making the parents feel guilty for not knowing where he was.
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Helena wrote: "As a parent, with oodles of teeny nieces and nephews I would certainly appreciate it if someone scolded one of my charges for dangerous or snotty behaviour while my back was turned attending to ano..."Yeah, I teach. It's unbelievable how quick things can happen.
Phil wrote: "This evening I went for a walk down the street with my son. At one house we saw a young boy who had to be less than two years old. He was in the driveway, alone, and had a beach ball with him. Whe..."Aside from being shocked that a two-year-old could be left unsupervised, outside, near the road, I am amazed that the child hasn't been removed by social services, considering the earlier incident.
I'll "parent" a kid if I know him/her. If neighbor kids are out of control or if I suspect they are being neglected/abused, I call the cops and report it. That's their job.
I know a lot of parents I'd like to parent.
Cynthia wrote: "I know a lot of parents I'd like to parent."Amen.
I know a lot of parents I would like to punch in the neck.
I don't think you were in the least bit out of line, Misha.If I see a child badly misbehaving, especially if that behavior could result in an injury, I will definitely say something. If the negligent/absent parent gets all huffy about it I let them know, in no uncertain terms, that they are lacking in parenting skills.
However, this doesn't include situations such as Helena has described. As a parent and a day care provider I am well aware little ones are quick and can occasionally get away from you. Most parents or any adult in charge will quickly realize what is going on and will nip it in the bud. The negligent parent will continue to stand there, oblivious, chatting with a friend, filing her nails, reading that gossip mag, whatever, without even once looking up to check on their child. I've seen too many children hurt because of this to simply ignore it just so I don't offend the parent or seem pushy and bitchy. Call me a bitch. I don't give a flying fuck. At least I got your kid outta the street.
Misha, I really think you did the right thing trying to keep those kids safe. I would like to think I would do the same thing in your shoes, but I doubt it. My wife, however, would not hesitate. I wonder if women are more likely to intervene in such cases.
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I was at a fourth birthday party today and I parented the SHIT out of every kid who was there... and it felt GOOD. Slow down, no running, knock it off, sit down, sit down, sit down, get the fuck out of here before I beat you...I'd make an awesome mom, but I'm pretty sure my real talent is in being the mean aunt.
PS. Misha, that sounds horrible. I thought I had it bad when there were some rogue skateboarders at my last apartment complex. Now that shit has been factored in, I had it really good.Also, I am coming to the Tri-Cities for Boat Races next weekend!!!
Kristina wrote: "I was at a fourth birthday party today and I parented the SHIT out of every kid who was there... and it felt GOOD. Slow down, no running, knock it off, sit down, sit down, sit down, get the fuck o..."Kristina, the world needs a few more mean aunts like you. Don't know about threatening to beat them, but the other stuff works for me.
Just to clarify, I really don't say "fuck" or threaten to beat kids outloud.I think it a lot though...
Kristina wrote: "Just to clarify, I really don't say "fuck" or threaten to beat kids outloud.I think it a lot though..."
I do it all the time.
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For a completely different reason, I don't think movies should allow babies under a certain age inside the theater for their own safety. The sound is too loud for those sensitive ears. It bugs me terribly when I'm walking out of an action movie and see someone holding a baby that looks no older than a month old.
I worked retail and had a snot-nosed kid of 19 speaking to his mom in a way that made my blood curdle. He was rude, caustic and wanted a new $400 phone. He actually said, "It's not my fault you got laid off, now buy me the phone." (There were a few choice words I left out). Usually I stay quiet but this kid was so awful that I laid into him about being old enough to get his own job and refused to help him.
Two months later, he bought his own stuff and his mother called and thanked me the next day. I was very lucky.
Allison wrote: "I worked retail and had a snot-nosed kid of 19 speaking to his mom in a way that made my blood curdle. He was rude, caustic and wanted a new $400 phone. He actually said, "It's not my fault you got..."Bless you, Allison. Terrific comeback.
Unfortunately, I am under 18, and don't have kids (not that I want them yet!), so that doesn't allow for much room for "parenting." But I see kids, sometimes only a few months old, sitting out by the street by themselves, or a kindergartener running around the neighborhood by themselves. Considering that drug deals are a nightly event in my neighborhood, that scares me. A lot of times, I feel useless, because I don't have the authority to help or even suggest anything to the child, let alone the parent.
You may not have a lot of authority Emily, but a kind word is always welcome to a struggling child. If you see a baby out alone in a tough neighborhood, I believe you must speak up, or at least stay with the child a bit until a responsible adult shows up.
In the examples first described, I think you were right Misha- as everyone has said, there's a difference between removing a child from a dangerous situation and parenting.
I was in the Urgent Care waiting room this afternoon, and I wanted to parent the little boy who was there. The woman with him spanked him and made him cry three times. He wasn't doing anything wrong that I could see. I wanted to put him in my lap and read him a story, but I knew that wouldn't be OK.
My mom works in an Emergency Ward at the local hospital, so she sees it when it goes wrong.Regarding safety it's always allright to say something, and most "normal" parents would be grateful if you help them look out for their kid. (As a mom to a 3 and 4 year old - I know how fast AND inventive they can be!)
As regards to bad behaviour, I'll say something to the kid if they're bothering me (running a trolley into my leg, or are in contact with my dogs/kids/stuff in an unwanted way) but I'll usually be firm as well as polite, and it works out fine.
I once had a mum getting cross with me, because I corrected her son (I was working in a book shop and he was pulling lots of paperbacks from the shelves an onto the floor, bending the corners), I said that I'd be happy to let him be, if she paid for the books he destroyed before leaving, and that shut her up :-)
That being said, even the most super wellbehaved kids under 5-6 years of age "throw tantrums" in situations where they are exhausted/sick etc. Or are loud because they are having fun.
Hell I throw tantrums in trying situations (like after standing up in a train full of noisy people for 3 hours, while sick, feverstricken and naseous). And I've certainly seen many adults doing the equivalent because they were cheated from a parkingspace, restaurant table, bargain etc.
Ok this is just lame"Meanwhile in Florida, a controversy brews over whether kids can be banned from a condominium's outdoor area. That's right, some people don't even want kids outdoors. " (quoted from Misha's link)
So parents can't buy a place to live here - or they have to keep their kids inside? What about people that already live there and have a baby? Can't they put the trolley outside or play with their kids outside? Should they pay less rent for maintenance or be kicked out when pregnant? Jesus... People with that kind of intolerance should buy a farm 100 miles from the nearest neighbours - or a house with a biiiig garden and a fence.
I live in a neighborhood where there are lots of little kids. I always see them running around the curb without any supervision. Once I saw a car speed past a little boy, only 3 years old, just missing him by inches. It frustrates me that parents put their children in such a dangerous position, and I'd love to say something about it but I don't feel like it's my place. Not only has there been no accidents, but those mothers don't respond too well to criticism. So the only thing I can really do is tell some of the older kids to watch their siblings.
People in Utah back over their own children regularly. I've seen several reported this year, where a parent or other relative has killed the child with the car, then said to the reporter, "I don't know how he got behind the car. We just lost track of him for a moment."
There's a program called "Spot the Tot" that has been in effect for several years. Here's a blurb from the web site...Between 1997 and 2003, more than 20 Utah children were killed and more than 415 were seriously injured by backovers. In 2004 alone, 10 children were killed.
The PDF referenced from that site gives a scary statistic:
Every six days a Utah child is run over in a driveway or parking lot.
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Lobstergirl wrote: "It's not fun to listen to over and over and over and over."Neither is farting, but nobody tells the over-75 crowd to cut it out when they go on a toot bender.
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Re-read. I said it's not fun to listen to over and over and over and over. Nothing about the planks.But to answer the question, I'd guess RA?
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I'd never let my kids play outside our well-fenced garden EVER, without supervision, and they're 3 and 4. I don't understand the parents who can do that without flying into an anxiety fit...
Where I grew up kids were running around different yards and constantly crossing, walking or riding bikes in the streets, which didn't have sidewalks. When I last visited there I was shocked at how narrow the streets are and that there were no accidents that I knew of (except my dog).
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::jumps, and covers his naked front side::
I'm sick hearing about this, Misha, and they are lucky you were there.