Fans of Interracial Romance discussion
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Message to all members! Please read!
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Mod
Keep the negative elsewhere. I always liked that this group was pretty positive and upbeat overall. I do hope the folks who are nervous about participating will feel comfortable to post soon.
Thanks for posting this message, Danielle.
No! I just got here! Please don't let it go and move on! Disagreements are proof how much we need to talk to each other, right? Just be respectful and polite...like your grandmother is in the room!
Mod
Kerrina, I love when I spot an IR couple.
Mod
Fiona, I agree. I don't understand the fear of dissident voices on this group. You have an interracial group, race discussions (and other discussions that ignite people's passions) are going to come up. That's what makes the group an interesting community to be a part of.
If people are really shying away from posting, this is of course not ideal, but if somebody doesn't want to have that discussion, they don't have to participate. There are more than enough conversations on here to suit everyone's taste and interest. No need to try and stifle those you may not agree with.
I'm not saying this to take a swipe at anyone or to be disruptive, but I really don't understand the purpose of this overuse of power and the constant bombardment of public announcements.
What exactly do people find so offensive? The fact that people communicate differently? The fact that some people will not always see eye to eye on what is acceptable? Some people are sarcastic and snarky, some are staunch and opinionated, others are succint and deliberate. As long as everyone stay within the main framework of the rules (which as far as I could see, everyone has), then there's room for all personality types.
However, if the aim is to create a clique where everyone have the same approach to life, then perhaps this shouldn't be a public group. It should be private group where members are by invitation only.
Moreover, many people here are not from this country and will not express themselves in the approved American way. They're not obliged to. Thus, the first sign of disagreement is not an indication that people are trying to stir up trouble. It's an opportunity to hear other perspectives and the exchange of ideas (even if you don't join the conversation). I wish people will not be so quick to take other's people's views so personally. Take it exactly for what it is -- their opinion -- and move on.
Mod
It would be nice if that happened but some feel they must belabor their point ad nauseum until all actual communication is shut down and it turns into another echo chamber to hear one speak. Debate and discussion is awesome. We can pretend it's sharing a point and being all communicative, but time and again (especially this last time), it's proven to be otherwise. If we can agree to disagree and move on, like Danielle mentioned, it would be groovy but some would rather turn it into a rant session/fight for who's right. That's too much of a time and energy suck when folks just want to visit the group to relax. Drama offline is hard enough without bringing it to someplace you want to kick your heels up and relax in.
message 10:
by
Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors
(last edited Jan 28, 2011 05:51AM)
(new)
Mod
The moderators here don't need to justify their use of power. It has been used fairly. And it is warranted for the good of this group. If you don't like that, then I won't apologize, because there is no way to find common ground here.
Whenever I see these pop up I always feel as if I walked into the room 10 minutes too late and wondered what was going on?Maybe I don't frequent the more sensitive topics or maybe I am just oblivious because I simply don't see the ugliness.
My question for those who notice, is it widespread and everybody gets into the mix hence these posts? If it isn't a widespread thing, then are there posters who tend to be in the mix more than others? If so, are they notified by PM? If not, maybe they should be. For all I know, I am one of them and again I am just oblivious because in my mind I'm just chatting and making my point but to others I may be part of the problem. But If I am not aware of it, how am I supposed to fix what I don't perceive as being a problem?
It seems to me that these posts are nice reminders of something that should be self evident anyway. But the issue will never be truly fixed if the person(s)these posts are supposed to be directed toward the most aren't aware they are the problem and they think these are addressed to those other people who are the real troublemakers.
Does this make sense?
Mod
With all due respect to you, Rae, I must disagree with your post @ 10. I think it is quite blatantly a miscommunication across culture because while your intention is not to homogenize, you inadvertently squelch heterogeneity by stifling or restricting freedom of expression. Conversations will and do die a natural death. If people just want to hear their own voices, they will eventually stop talking if they realise no one is listening. More importantly (and speaking in general terms here, not just directly to or about you) its not the most judicious use of power to close threads and target individuals just because 1) you don't like them, 2) you fundamentally disagree with their opinions, or 3) it is not a conversation you want to have (after all, you're free to leave the thread or not participate at all -- although I realise this maybe difficult for moderators who are required to monitor all threads).
I don't deny that some posters can be (sometimes unintentionally) provocative, or that there isn't a need for proactive leadership considering the hot button topics we normally discuss here, but it's not even about that. At least not in the most recent past.
People can be pretty adamant in expressing their opinions, but does it mean the person is trying to push their opinion down your throat? Not necessarily. This may be a kneejerk reaction to such behaviour in America, but outside of an American context, this is a normal way to converse for many people. If someone is blatantly obnoxious and disrespectful (name calling and throwing around nasty virtual blows) then yes, remind us all of the rule to agree to disagree, and perhaps even take stronger action in extreme cases. But again like Tina said, the ugliness you all are referring to, I don't see it. What I see is a definite clash in (cultural) communication styles and personality types. What you find offensive, disrespectful or inappropriate the person in question may genuinely not see that way. So maybe a necessary course of action is to send a private message to the person (not just to hand out warnings) explaining why their messages may offend (especially when you're dealing with someone who may not be aware of American discussion etiquette). For indeed just telling someone they're breaking the rules, and not saying in what way, will just cause the behaviour to continue out of ignorance.
I wish more lurkers felt comfortable enough to speak out so that you can see its not just Davina running her mouth. Since the most recent incident many people who I don't know and have never spoken to before have contacted me privately to say they don't see what all the strong arming is about.
Now with regards to the comment about leaving the group, I'm sure some people want nothing more, but once again I'll say this: if you guys only want people who agree with you and communicate in the same way as you do create a private members group, and pick and choose who you let in. You simply will not avoid personality clashes and flare ups in a public forum, not now or in the future.
And with this I rest my case. I think the picture is very clear for all who care to see.
Mod
If a person wants to leave the group, then they need to leave the group. We aren't asking anyone to stay on the group. We are only asking that people get along and stop trying to be the one at the top of the ladder.
You have been on this group a long time Davina and you know good and well what we are talking about.
Now, I am only going to say this once. Every building have an exit. If a person can't follow the rules, then use it or we will have to escort you to the exit. It's your choice.
This place is going to be a peaceful place.
If anyone doesn't like what I have said, remember my private message is always open.
Mod
So there will be instances when issues arise and you won't know why a message has been posted, but its nice to know that, though it may at times be tedious, it will be respected and followed by the members of the group as it will be for the good of all in the group.
Thank you!
@Arch, my posts here are in reference to all disputes that have arisen on this group, both the one in question and those of the past.
Mod
And my posts here are standing tall.
Mod
Lady Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Hi Mellisa. If you are wanting to find a person who is willing to legally lend you a book via Kindle or Nook, the best thing is to start a thread for it. This is probably not the best thread to..."Sorry, and thanks for the heads up. Did n't know where to post it ..
Mod
http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/5...
Nicely put Lady D :)Thanks for making this community for people who celebrate and truly believe that love knows no color and is thankful for it. :)
Mod
Davina, I agree wholeheartedly on your poIf we all believe, speak and act the same, where is the diversity? If some are afraid to voice their opinions because of fear of backlash, then they need to remove themselves from that debate and find another more to their liking.I enjoy a vigorous debate, gets my juices flowing! That's why I join groups. I would hate for this group to become a "please everyone all the time "because that ideaology doesn't fly.
When a group is OPEN then that is the chance ANYONE takes when joining. If the des
ase everybody all
desire is for a more homogeneous group, then make it private.Please excuse my errors!
message 27:
by
Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors
(last edited Jun 11, 2012 07:44AM)
(new)
Mod
Mod
I didn't start this group for there to be arguments about race. This is a group about celebrating and being open to interracial relations. If that's not why you're here, then maybe you need to rethink joining this group. I'm not asking anyone to leave, but I have had people who are afraid to participate and who want to leave because of all the focus on race issues from a negative viewpoint. It comes up, I respect that, but let it go!!!! If it gets to a point when people disagree, why keep it going?
I'm going to ask nicely here. Keep it positive, and keep the focus on celebrating the good in interracial relationships.
Whatever you think about people who like to be positive and to have fun (that we're living in the clouds/are ostriches), I can't change that, but this is supposed to be a positive group. We all know that racism is alive and well! But, we don't need to spend every post talking about that and proving to each other how flawed each others' perceptions are on race relations! If you want to focus on the negative, I'm sorry for you, and I'll tell you right now, it's not encouraged here.
I don't want to have keep closing down threads because it gets ugly. Pretty soon, I'm going to wonder if we shouldn't all just give up and go home!
Agree to disagree, let it go, and move on! Or we will have to do it for you by closing each and every thread.
Thank you.