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Fortunately Unfortunately
message 101:
by
Ellie
(new)
Aug 25, 2015 07:30AM
Fortunately, Catwoman was in need of some evil minions, so she agreed to take them on.
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Unfortunately the aliens minions have very short legs and they can't keep up with Catwoman's speedy acrobatics. Especially when she insists jumping from roof to roof. Eventually they are left behind looking at each other very confused.
Fortunately Doctor Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts, happened to glide by. Seeing the plight of the aliens, with a magical gesture and the power of the All Seeing Eye, he transforms them into the crew of the Starship Enterprise and sends them off on a five year journey to explore strange new worlds and to go where no alien has gone before. However they take longer than expected to get underway because they all realise how sexy they are and spend several days taking selfies.
Fortunately they notice The Penguin standing among them, and he also has short legs. "Should we dare follow another of these Gotham City master criminals?" they ask themselves.
Unfortunately, they decide to carry on with their five-year mission, and they dump the Penguin off at the nearest starport.
Fortunately (in a surprising turn of events and having established that they are sexy) Penguin becomes infatuated with them and threatens to throw himself off a cliff if they leave him. The aliens sigh altogether and tell him to start packing for the trip.
Haha...that's so funny; I almost said Penguin before Cat Woman!! OK...Unfortunately, The Penguin is very serious with his threat. The newly transformed sexy aliens arrive in their spaceship just as he jumps off the cliff, and pick him up mid fall.
They travel happily together into space to start their 5 year mission, learning all manner of things together.
Unfortunately, there was a sleeping draught in the alcohol and the aliens eventually all die.
Fortunately, the Penguin was still very much alive, and since the controls of the spacecraft were really intuitive, he was able to fly back to Earth and make a bomb from selling the dead aliens to scientists. He then was able to retire to Tahiti and never had to commit a crime or an underhanded political escapade ever again.
Unfortunately, the dead aliens turned into zombies and terrorized the scientists until they demanded their money back.
Fortunately the scientists were more rational than passionate. They tried to make the best of the situation. And they managed to create young fresh and lovely clones of the aliens. The zombie aliens were very appreciative of the result and I'm sure I saw a little tear in their eyes.
Unfortunately, the new alien clones were so disgusted by their zombie counterparts that they attacked them.
Fortunately the winning part was the alien clones. The zombie aliens were truly dead. But as they were celebrating their win they also felt a kind of existential sadness seen their counterparts lying dead on the floor. They felt that literally a part of them has died. And they decided that some psychoanalysis would be necessary.
Unfortunately they chose Hannibal Lecter as their doctor, who immediately set about planning new menus based on julienned or scalloped alien.
Fortunately the aliens were very scared... enough to save their lives. They discovered that under extreme stress they produce high voltage current. The accidental barbecuing of Hannibal cheered them up, built up their confidence and relieved they hit the road.
Unfortunately, Darth Squirrel intercepted them as they went along their merry way, and forced them to help him take over the world.
Fortunately, once they had power over the world, they killed Darth Squirrel for his evil.
Unfortunately they obtained power but they didn't know how to take advantage of it as they were not made for leadership. However, they only indulged into two instant laws: all the nail salons of the nation had to shut down and no female over the age of 12 was allowed to wear pink.
Fortunately, the females over the age of twelve revolted, and one of them took leadership.
Unfortunately the lady leader fell in love and ran off to Mexico with one of the aliens.
Fortunately (unfortunately?) Darth Squirrel was resurrected and took leadership of the planet. He wasn't ideal, but at least he was a leader.
Unfortunately the leadership of our planet was given to him just for his training, a mere two week affair in order to learn the basics of the role. The real job was Executive Manager of a faraway galaxy and he couldn't wait for his transfer.
Fortunately, Catwoman was able and willing to fulfil the role of World Leader, and Darth Squirrel was able to take on the new job early.
Unfortunately, for some reason Catwoman had difficulty transforming from cat to Catwoman. She found herself stuck in cat form and couldn't function very well as a leader in this form.
Fortunately, The Penguin, who has plenty of experience at being a leader, was happy to come out of retirement to rule the world.
Unfortunately he was ordered to have a series of cosmetic procedures in order to get the job. For a world leader he looks a mess, he was told.
Fortunately, one of the Minions decided to step in and do the job instead, after all, world leadership, how hard can that be?
Unfortunately the minion lost the job because in the job description the role would suit 'a colourful megalomaniac' rather than a sweet little thing.
Fortunately, Cruella DeVille had been looking for just this opportunity to rule the world. She settled in quite nicely and had people hopping to her every command.
Unfortunately as thigs were going great for Cruella, Darth appeared in the mood for romance. He used his well hidden charm and manners that a lady like Cruella deserved and asked her if she fancies to go for pizza and movies with him.
Fortunately for the world, Cruella (being a lesbian) declined Darth Squirrel's offer and he carried on ruling his successful planet far far away.Cruella meanwhile was hunting puppies as well as ruling Earth.
Unfortunately one of the puppies bit her nose very hard and gave her an infection. Her infected nose was now an oversized bulbous red thing that wouldn't heal. Cruella felt descending into the deepest depression, refused to leave her room and neglected her duties.
Fortunately, before she was bitten, she had turned all the minions into evil minions, the were as dark as the Helmet. Also, Darth Squirrel's partner in crime, Pizza the Hut, joined them as the leader in world domination.
hahaha; you guys have got me addicted to your humorous lunacy!!
I just adore it. I have things to do and I just can't let go!!!
Unfortunately there was quite a crowd for the job and they couldn't all fit in the magnificent throne that was occupying Cruella's bum not long ago. So they had a vote to conclude who would be the one leader. (Although the Pizza guy was a strong candidate)
Fortunately, lured by the promise of free pepperoni pizza every Tuesday Pizza the Hut won by a landslide! Although Darth was quite hurt, having voted for himself and that being the only vote he received. He felt an uprising anger within himself!
(I really should be working!!!)
Unfortunately there was an uprising from McDonald's who was pretty offended to be brushed aside like this. As if he wasn't evil enough having destroyed millions of people's healths for so long.
Fortunately, Pizza the Hut was able to stop McDonald's rebellion by spreading a rumour through his many underground contacts that McDonald's was putting radioactive nuclear waste in their burgers. Everyone on Earth boycotted McDonald's, McDonald's went bust, and the people were so much happier and healthier for it. Pizza the Hut was more popular then ever.
Unfortunately Pizza the Hut was so popular and was doing so well in the world domination department that he got godly status with his subjects throwing meat feast sacrifices for his sake. Pizza worried that it goes a bit too far.
Unfortunately, the evil minions knew he wasn't a god. They served no god. They only served The Dark Side, and there were millions of minions.
Fortunately the minions came back to their senses and stopped their deranged ways. The last sighting of them was down at the beach all settled down with a good vintage wine and some jazz music at the background.
Unfortunately, just when everyone thought they'd found world peace, the embittered Darth Squirrel unleashed a new alien army upon the world, vowing that he would never stop until he was king of Earth, and Pizza the Hut and all his supporters were executed.
Fortunately, the aliens couldn't breathe in earth's atmosphere so they all died.
Unfortunately, Darth Squirrel had prepared for that. He called his backup alien army, which, though not quite as terrifying or powerful as the first, still had the potential to devastate Earth. He also knew for certain that this race could breathe in Earth's atmosphere, due to a slight incident he had a few years back with one of their chief generals (which we're not going to get into here).
Fortunately, Bird Starwalker also had an alien army to defeat Darth Squirrel's and they were invincible.
Unfortunately, the invincible army had an irrational fear of squirrels, and when they saw Darth they all flew back from whence they came.
Fortunately Darth Squirrel stumbled upon a warehouse full of assorted nuts from all over the world and gorged himself to insensibility. Meanwhile the alien army, bored and leaderless, discovered PC gaming and became addicted to Skyrim, devolving into basement dwelling geeks who refused to come out except to take deliveries of pizza.
Unfortunately, the Internet broke AGAIN.
Unfortunately, thanks to Doctor Squirrel, who knew many remedies for gorging on nuts, was able to help Darth Squirrel regain his senses. Darth Squirrel invaded the aliens' basement dwelling and got them back together, promising limitless higher quality pizza if they achieved world domination.
