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VIII. Games
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Fortunately Unfortunately
message 51:
by
Mary
(new)
Aug 23, 2015 10:04AM
Unfortunately Darth remembered his student days when he was a militant anti capitalist and felt it would be hypocritical to keep the treasure. He went down the stairs and knocked the door of a flat at random. When Lucinda Voggermolt opened the door he just handed her the riches without a word. Then he turned and left.
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Fortunately a visiting TV producer saw this act of generosity and recruited Darth for a reality TV show, making him a star and filthy rich from the advertising revenue.
(Hahahaha!!!)Unfortunately moving into these circles he met and impregnated Kim Kardashian. Then he convinced her to become a Buddhist, to read Philosophy and burn her designer outfits. Then the little family moved into a remote village in Tibet.
Fortunately for the entire world, there was an earthquake in the remote Tibetan village and by some miracle only Kim Kardashian was swallowed up by the earth, never to be seen or heard from again.
Unfortunately, she was consumed by the hive of Pod People who had been dormant underground, and a stream of Kardashian clones poured out of a crack in the mountainside to threaten the world.
V.W. wrote: "Unfortunately, she was consumed by the hive of Pod People who had been dormant underground, and a stream of Kardashian clones poured out of a crack in the mountainside to threaten the world."Nooooooo! Please, someone save us!
Fortunately the little army of Kardashian clones were each suffering from that rare mental disorder: auto cannibalism.
Unfortunately, there was one left because someone knocked out the clone's teeth.
Fortunately the Chinese government declares that the clones are not human and before they can cause any damage they are all snatched up the stir fry cooks and made into sweet and sour Kardashian which becomes a world wide sensation causing McD to go bust.
Unfortunately, the sweet and sour Kardashian made millions of people sick and there were lawsuits for food poisoning.
Fortunately the Kardashian mass poisoning was relatively mild and its laxative effect helped millions of people around the world to lose weight. As it turned out to be a very fashionable diet the lawsuits started dropping.
Unfortunately with all the rapid weight loss, particularly around their brains, people started taking more and more selfies and posting them on the internet until they....wait for it.....broke the internet!
Fortunately, some geek techies were able to fix the problem with the internet. Doctors encouraged people to eat more healthy foods and people regained their proper brain size.
Haha...Fortunately pouting for selfies was declared outlaw activity and anti social behavior with a penalty of up to 100 cream pies at the face of the offender, in public of course.
Lenita wrote: "Fortunately, some geek techies were able to fix the problem with the internet. Doctors encouraged people to eat more healthy foods and people regained their proper brain size."Oh sorry we posted together!
Fortunately while everyone was busy with this culinary orgy and the long term effects of the Kim Kardashian pandemic very few noticed a silver shine in the night sky as Darth Squirrel returned from Tibet leading an Alien invasion.
Unfortunately, Darth was using an outdated version of google maps and he got lost because he should have hung a left at Albuquerque and so the invasion failed.
Fortunately, he finally found his way after being lost in the desert. He found himself at a store where they offered to upgrade his version of google maps.
Unfortunately he lost his appetite for world domination and settled for an administrative position in an Claims and Insurance company.
Fortunately, his job at the Claims and Insurance company was just a cover up until he could reunite with his alien army he lost in the desert...
Unfortunately, the alien army is starving and thirsty. Even though they eat alien food, they still need sustenance of some kind. They can eat snakes in an emergency, but, in the spot they're in, there isn't even a snake to be found. Also, he aliens are starting to pass out from the heat they're not used to.
Fortunately, while his hordes of aliens were wandering lost in the desert they were spotted by a casting director who hired them for a walk on role on Game of Thrones season 7.
Unfortunately the aliens had very developed brains and declared very soon that they don't risk Hollywood blockbusters with a certainly prejudiced representation of their race. But they would consider offers to do Art cinema.
Fortunately, they were accepted for Art cinema. They ended up with a film of them in an International Film Festival, so, whatever happened, they were destined to become stars.
Unfortunately they were introduced to the world of drink and drugs which hit them hard. As a result they were always late for shooting and the raged director sacked them all and he threatened that they will never work again 'in this town'.
Fortunately the aliens discovered Star Trek and Star Wars. They were able to assume the shapes of their favourite characters and became great hits at conventions and Cosplay events.
Unfortunately Darth returned and under their previous world domination contract threatened with a lawsuit if they didn't agree to give him a 50 percent of their earnings.
Unfortunately, the treasure was purchased by Darth's mother with earnings from selling her chicken soup on eBay & she never declare the income. Special agent Otto von Beancounter & his IRS Black Ops team swooped in & confiscated the entire trove.
Fortunately, after this, Darth Squirrel and his alien invaders formed a rock band. They made millions of dollars and recouped their losses.
Unfortunately the music videos contained subliminal messages which made all the teens in the world accept Miley Cyrus as their one true guru and made twerking the accepted method of greeting world wide.
Fortunately it was a good decision because as Great Guru Gagalahatma once said in his teachings 'Oh baby, the hips don't lie'.
Unfortunately, all that twerking caused damaged to those young hips; doctors' offices were flooded with the 'twerk dislocation' syndrome. Miley Cyrus was exiled, and Darth Squirrel was forced to come up with another world invasion plan...
Unfortunately, a different alien race, for whom twerking is the worst insult imaginable, noticed that the humans were using this new method of greeting and thought that the Earthlings were purposely trying to offend them. They then decided to invade Earth.
Fortunately, by studying the laws and social rules of the humans the aliens concluded that the thing called "pornography" was the most horrifying thing known to these "humans" so they bombarded the planet with billions of copies of the most extreme pornography their advanced computers could create. The result wasn't quite what they expected.
Unfortunately, all the anti-porn devices built into the internet went haywire, and the internet broke ... AGAIN.
Fortunately internet was fixed again by the same techies who run to fix it every time it breaks, in this thread. After that, porn industry moguls are very keen to buy the rights of the extraterrestrial porn and the first contracts start signing.
Unfortunately, the cops got after them and arrested them all. They even confiscated their computers.
Fortunately the cops took pity on them and gave them back their computers. Internet access is a basic human right, after all.
(Though of course they were still in prison... But who cares about that when you have the ways and means to watch all those crazy cat videos?)
Unfortunately the group of aliens being on our planet lost their extraterrestrial innocence. They started saying things like 'why the hell are we all look so damn similar' and 'I'm an individual not a photocopy of you guys' and 'why don't you boys start walking and I'll catch up with you' and 'gosh I'm ashamed to be seen with them' and to gradually lose their solidarity and loyalty between them.
Fortunately, Darth Squirrel was smart enough to give them a pep talk. He reminded them of their true calling: world domination. This happened, of course, after they were released from prison.
Unfortunately it was hot that day and they were feeling bloated coming out of that place whih makes great steak and chips and they insisted to postpone the world domination for the coming Monday.
Fortunately, the aliens discovered that their digestive
systems digested steak and chips super fast, so they were able to attempt world domination that day after all. (Sorry for the split post -- I accidentally hit the "post" button too soon and there's no 'edit' button in this stupid app)
Unfortunately they followed a sign that said "Domination This Way" and all the aliens ended up in chains being whipped at a BDSM munch.
Fortunately they have very tolerant skin that doesn't register pain. So it was all win win. They made some nice people with whips happy and they expanded their research on humans. At the end of the session they were all friends and they shared a few beers in celebration.
Unfortunately, the aliens are very strongly affected by alcohol. They see a clip of the Minions on the bar's TV and they all morph into Minions and charge out of the bar in search of an evil mastermind to serve.
Fortunately they settle with a colorful villain but as they are far too adorable they melt his heart and after a week he proposes that he doesn't feel comfortable oppressing them and why don't they all forget about leaders and followers and try to be equals instead? The aliens/minions are disgusted.
Unfortunately, the aliens then zap the colourful villain into atoms with an atomic disintegrator. They then decide to just disintegrate all of humankind and get it over with.
Unfortunately, the alien minions are so disgusted that the kill their colourful (now wussy) leader. They went in search of a new master criminal to follow, and stumble across Cat Woman.
