JUNE 2022 SCIENCE FICTION MICROSTORY CONTEST (Critiques only)

[Jot]

Theme: The Last Human
Element: On a setting other than Earth

[Paula]

Beautifully done, Tom. Pacing, world-building, power--first-rate. The dialogue and characters had a cliched feel, but that seemed exactly appropriate and right for what the tale is doing. Still, a bit deeper characterization, for the male character at least, would--imho--make us care for the characters and thus, finally, make us fell the ending more.

[Tom]

Thank you, Paula, for that very heartfelt and in depth review. I really appreciate you're taking the time.

The characters were mainly functionaries I used for a look at the human condition; the animal instinct to propagate vs. a higher sense of morality. (I did want to do more with the POV character, dealing with her inner struggle, but there just wasn't enough space.)

[Paula]

Definitely, you have already achieved some depth and rounding for your pov character, Tom.

[Tom]

Paula wrote: "Definitely, you have already achieved some depth and rounding for your pov character, Tom."

Good to know. Thanks.

[Tom]

"Yeah, so what then?" by Paula Friedman

A brief, sad, touching and at times amusing poem of a soft Armageddon seen through the eyes of a weary old woman in the company of her beloved cat.

A soft cuddle and a purr in a lonely house at the edge of a desert on a remote planet at the end of the universe. At the end of all things, it seems enough of a gravestone inscription for humanity.

The simple pleasures seem to justify our existence best.

[Tom]

"The Caretaker" by Justin Sewall

A space-age survival tale whose set-up reminded me of "I am Legend" - a man alone in a post-apocalyptic world infested with nocturnal bloodsuckers. The hero's silver armor and shining lance reminded me of King Arthur slaying demons.

The opening made good use of light and sensory. From there, the world of a lost colony is outlined pretty well, but I felt the story ran a bit long, getting bogged down in the middle by technical details, skimping on what should have been the ominous presence of the alien terror lurking in the shadows.

The suspense picked up at the end...inky darkness and the subtle pressure on the hero's armor of the invisible menace outside, hungry for his blood. I felt that should have been gotten to sooner.

Overall, I think there should have been more emphasis on internal, less on external. I would have liked to know the backstory and feelings of the protagonist a bit more.

[Justin]

Tom wrote: ""The Caretaker" by Justin Sewall

A space-age survival tale whose set-up reminded me of "I am Legend" - a man alone in a post-apocalyptic world infested with nocturnal bloodsuckers. The hero's silv..."

Thanks Tom! Really appreciate your feedback and perspective!