Question D

[Jonetta]

Helen enters into her sexual relationship with Rhys completely unaware of what it means physically to lose her virginity. She also acknowledges that no one advised her about female cycles before her first occurred. Was this normal or specifically related to her mother’s indifference to her?

[Anita]

I can't believe that was normal. I do believe it stems from her mother's lack of interest in her.

[Sharon]

It is very typical. Even in my mother's time, her mother didn't say anything about a menstrual cycle or what to expect on her marriage night. It wasn't discussed and women were made to feel dirty about their monthly cycle and anything else female.

She told me she thought she was dying when her first period started in school. Fortunately, my mother went to an all-girl school. No one laughed at her when she went to the office with her fears, although they did make her ashamed. The nuns (what a way to learn about the normal function of the female body) scared her to death about boys and men. She thought she could get pregnant swimming when boys were present or if boys got too close when she had her period. Very Sad. She vowed that she would not do that to her kids.

I did laugh at a review that commented it was unreasonable to think that Helen didn't know anything about sex because they had a farm. People didn't put themself on the same level as animals in their world. Even in the 50s and 60s they didn't allow husbands and wives in the same bed on TV. It was morally objectionable and would "give children inappropriate thoughts" if watched.

[Jonetta]

I found it completely normal. It’s my understanding that mothers typically informed their daughters of what was going to happen in the marital bed the night before the wedding. When you consider no one had even told her about the menstrual cycle, which I lay at the feet of her awful mother, her cluelessness was more than expected.

FYI, my mother noticed I was developing very early and had the foresight to order one of those Kotex kits that explained everything and gave it to me when I was ten years old. I remember thinking I was too young for all that…my cycle started less than one year later. I also remember going back to try and find out when all this would end. It didn’t say so I asked my mother. When she said when I was about 40 years old, I couldn’t believe it.

[Robin]

Yes, I think this was typical behavior. Keep them in the dark until they had to be told.

Sharon, I have a friend whose mother went through the same thing as your mother (minus the nuns). Her mother never explained what would happen and she was convinced she was dying.

[Karen ♐]

This was typical behavior even as late as my generation. Believe this or not, my father and mother sat me down when I was younger than most of my classmates to explain everything to me. The pediatrician told them it was time. My mother was never told anything either. Luckily, she had an older sister that helped her.

[Jonetta]

We were of that generation.

[Karen ♐]

Thank goodness things have changed!

[Jonetta]

I think they have, Karen. And, kids these days have the Internet 😏

[Susan]

Thank goodness my mother had "the talk" I felt bad for Helen that she had no one to confide in as to how to become a woman