Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion
JULY - 2020 - MICROSTORY CONTEST (CRITIQUES ONLY)
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"To Save Nimradov" by Paula FriedmanA touching, heartfelt and beautifully written tale of one man's trek through the snow by dog sled to deliver life-saving vaccine to a plague-ridden town.
Set in a distant, high-tech future on the surface of a frigid alien world of ravenous lupine aliens, the story artfully and lovingly blends an archaic poetic style with techno-jargon and interstellar world-building. Despite considerable pseudo-historic expository, in purely internal monologue, the story never lacks pace or power. You see the somber wintry landscape of a frozen planet under a distant, pale red sun. You feel the cold and the despair. And, the triumph at the end.
A message of hope wrapped in a melancholy and agonizing landscape that conjures visions of remote Russian villages. Well done.
"HOPE" by Carrie ZylkaA very brief, bitter-sweet farewell between inventor and A.I. As Pinocchio and Gepeto. Even as Frankenstein and his creation... that bond between creator and creation, strongest at their parting.
Beginning and end, simultaneously. No middle.
It ends with a prayer of hope, that the A.I.'s new owner will recognize the uniqueness of the artificial sentient and treat it with respect and love. A prayer for the best in humanity, perhaps.
"Special Delivery" by ChrisAn amusing romp through futureland.
In a brightly envisioned galactic future, a young messenger, an eager but under-appreciated rookie...the only human in a mail room filled with aliens...the protagonist is given a seemingly common delivery mission which she carries out with wide-eyed enthusiasm. Her jet-pack jaunt through the towering sky-scrapers of a galactic capitol conjures visions of Star Wars, The Rocketeer and The Wizard of Oz.
Upon delivering the innocuous package to a disgruntled alien ambassador...the last of his race...she finds the package she delivered is a combination library and race bank which carries the sum total of a dead race about to be reborn. And, she finds she has just received a tip the size of a world.
An amusing vignette filled with entertaining scenes and richly envisioned landscapes. But, there is really nothing for the protagonist to do. No obstacles to overcome. She is just a passive observer in a series of events that plays itself out with no input from her. The emotional reactions are cheerful but light, and there is no clear outline of the character's motivation.
"Arthur’s Story" by Jon RicsonA tragic and moving soliloquy of a man who travels back in time to prevent the death of his son.
At first, it has the feel of a 1950's science fiction radio play, the 1st person narrative anguished and intense, building in suspense, the sensory as potent as a ball bat to the gut. The ending is tragic and as painful as the inevitability of death itself, yet somehow seems to come a bit too easily.
I would have liked the protagonist to fight harder. Maybe, an ironic twist at the end, to give the ending more power, more context? Had his son's death itself been a re-write of time which someone else is trying to protect? Would his son have grown up to be the next Hitler, had he lived? Just a thought.
Very well written, in any case.
"Europa Rising" by Kalifer DeilA tale of pandemic on a distant world told in a series of transmissions.
A scientist stationed on the Jovian moon Europa relates the gruesome death of a fellow researcher by a Europan sea creature which leads to a contagious infection that proves deadly. Similar to Herpes, but far worse. The unlikely cure proves to be ethanol, and a hidden bottle of gin leads to a merry, drunken salvation in the end.
The story was humorous at times, at other times poetic. It drowned in detail at other times, which slowed the pace somewhat, I felt. The narrative shifts from past to present tense about half-way through, which I found a bit disconcerting. It had some very striking moments, and some interesting concepts, with a sometimes exacting sense of detail. But, overall, I felt it was all detail; I couldn't really see the big picture. I didn't really have a sense of being there. The POV was up close and intense, but I really didn't get a sense of who was talking.
"Jack Tanger" by Jot RussellA fast-paced adventure yarn of a man on a death-defying mission into the decimated ruins of an Earth invaded by aliens.
Reminiscent of Heinlein, Burroughs and Wells, the story is a potent, very physical, very action-oriented suspense yarn which comes to a jarring conclusion as the hero sacrifices himself to accomplish his mission. The description is light on detail, but there is a strong sense of night, of danger and desolation. What details there are are gory and direct as a blow to the gut.
I think the story should have opened with the second paragraph; straight into the action. The opening paragraph was unnecessary and wasn't much of a grabber. There was no explanation of where the opening took place. The hero traveled back to an alien-occupied Earth through a wormhole, but from where? Another planet? It was not made clear. Not a terribly important detail, but a bit more texture might have helped suspend disbelief. Time permitting, I would have liked the protagonist to be fleshed out a bit.
Mod
As for the location of humans in the future, I do indicate the position of Earth now and then are inline for the jump, so it was from Earth's future. I wanted to write a time-travel story which includes this limitation, where Earth needs to be in the same orbital position for the jump to take place. Of course, we're all moving around the galaxy and away from the center of the universe, so it's not like we could ever be in the same location twice.
"Does Hope Abide?" by Justin SewallA very artfully written tale, spun like a cosmic tapestry...of an offering of hope from on high.
Two celestial beings, brother and sister, reach across infinite time and space, offering hope to one world after another, only to see their kindness meet with failure again and again, mortal existence seemingly doomed to destroy itself ad infinitum. Another opportunity presents itself on a primitive though beautiful young world. Brother is about ready to call it quits, but sister convinces him to give it one more try. They appear as the heavenly host over Bethlehem, a beacon of light over a benighted land. Their visitation is brief before they are driven out by a dark cosmic will which clearly is Satan. They planted a seed. They can only hope it will take root against considerable odds.
The story is told in archaic, almost Shakespearean poetic prose, majestic and melodramatic. The strength of the prose lies mainly in the sweeping cosmic imagery...delicate yet potent ethereal landscapes that make masterful use of fluid time and space. The pain is heartfelt, and interwoven with beauty.
A very familiar and predictable story, but moving in its telling. A message, less of hope than of perseverance. An effective one.
"Dot-Dot-Dash" by GregA tense and fast-moving, if distantly viewed tale of a band of idealistic scientists working covertly under the watchful gaze of a repressive regime, in order to save an alien world from destruction.
The opening lines declare the allegory up front: The new regime hates science (sound familiar?) and wants to conceal the existence of indigenous life on a planet the evil president's corporate allies want to carve up for their own profit. The scientist heroes and heroines use tricks and subterfuge, barely able to operate under the watchful gaze of government minders. One of them cleverly drops the name of Samuel Morse, the almost forgotten Morse Code saving the day in the end.
The story is told entirely in cosmic overview; there is no first person POV to lock onto. Very detached, very distant. The pacing was strong; I saw the events happening in rapid succession, but I couldn't really see the people. It felt like watching a play performed by invisible actors. The world itself was invisible, too. Events without substance or form.
The devices and plot twists were inventive, but the resolution came a bit too easily, I felt. We never saw the alien life. Never really saw anything. Good set-up. But, more a script than a play.
Tom wrote: ""Does Hope Abide?" by Justin SewallA very artfully written tale, spun like a cosmic tapestry...of an offering of hope from on high.
Two celestial beings, brother and sister, reach across infinit..."
Now you're just trying to make me cry. Thank you for this Tom.
Tom wrote: ""Arthur’s Story" by Jon RicsonMaybe, an ironic twist at the end, to give the ending more power, more context? Had his son's death itself been a re-write of time which someone else is trying to protect? Would his son have grown up to be the next Hitler, had he lived? Just a thought.
Well, that’s not the end of the story...he gets free, and saves his son. That’s basically the crux of my book Constant that just came out.
Thanks for the nice critique. I’d love for you to read (or beta read if you want) the novel.
Www.jonricson.com
Tom, thanks for the review. I wanted to get in some of the attraction of the Europa experience but perhaps should have waited until after the poison oak realization reduced the tension. It's always a good idea to let a story sit for a while, then reread it to see how it plays. I didn't take my own advice.
Theme: Something has to be delivered on a deadline. Can be any size, structure or format.
Elements: A code or password; Hope