21st Century Literature discussion
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You Can Only List One Book On Your Dating Profile, Which Book Do You Choose? (10/6/19)
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Marc
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Oct 06, 2019 10:21PM
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That is a fantastic thought experiment.Hmm...well, one of the most powerful books I think I ever read was Blood Meridian by McCarthy, but that doesn't really send the right message for a dating site, does it?
Sebald's The Emigrants is a little too melancholy...same with The Plague--in fact, most of my favorites are. Le Clezio's Le Chercheur D'Or a little too south-sea male fantasy...
I pick True Grit
Funny idea.Infinite Jest to impress and scare off any non-readers.
A Wrinkle in Time is I want to show my vulnerability and my heart.
Bryan "goes on a bit too long" wrote: "That is a fantastic thought experiment.Hmm...well, one of the most powerful books I think I ever read was Blood Meridian by McCarthy, but that doesn't really send the right message for a dating s..."
Same thought about Blood Meridian... Infinite Jest also might send the wrong message. This is a tough one.
I'll go The Pillars of the Earth
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Memory by Lois McMaster Bujold. It's a middle book of a long saga in which Miles makes the transition from fun, but callow youth to something more grown-up.
A Wrinkle in Time is I want to show my vulnerability and my heart."
I gave up reading A Wrinkle in Time. Too unrealistic for me. I guess I'll never know!
If I were going to send the person to a second-hand bookstore then Narziss and Goldmund.But if they were going to a new bookshop then it would have to be Lanny.
For myself there is always Things I've Learned from Women Who've Dumped Me.
The Brothers Karamazov. If that puts them off, it’s best they leave before they find out how much I think about, and spend, on books out of the gate :). If there’s a second date, I’ll disclose what I really read in 2019.
Whitney wrote: "This one would signal key information from me. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed: Sixteen Writers on The Decision Not To Have Kids."I like this approach! lol
I didn't have an answer to this question until last night at the 'Reading to Dogs' program at my local library, when a 4 year old girl and I read We are in a Book! to my dog. Proof that it is never too early to expose a child to metafiction.
Nadine wrote: "I didn't have an answer to this question until last night at the 'Reading to Dogs' program at my local library, when a 4 year old girl and I read We are in a Book! to my dog. Proof t..."Just found this - now I have to put Mo Willems up in my pantheon of favorite writers. https://youtu.be/-edllNft1hY
I've never been interested in children's books before. I think this 'reading to dogs' program has led me to an epiphany!
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I can't decide between Geek Love (Katherine Dunn) or If on a Winter's Night a Traveler (Italo Calvino).
I might go with Geek Love. Prefer to fly my freak flag early rather than mislead some poor soul. :o
"Reading to Dogs" sounds like an awesome program!
Mason & Dixon, apparently. The answer appeared instantly I read the question, as if it were quickfire word association. It does convey several things I like, e.g. history, humour, referential detail, the 1990s - and that if I like something culturally unfashionable I'm usually open about it. But it's not actually that representative, as I read a lot of short books, and most years I read hardly any American novels.
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?I probably wouldn't get any dates but would feel I was being honest and open about potential future outcomes.
When We Were the Kennedys: A Memoir from Mexico, Maine by Monica Wood would be my choice. A memoir that reads like a novel and pretty much explains the era and the state I grew up in, except that I lived on a dairy farm.Although I must say that Bryan's choice of True Grit would stir my interest!
This is a fun question because I did use reading as one of my primary filters while online dating! Note I am female and used the apps to look for a male.Any male that listed that they enjoyed reading that I found even remotely attractive/interesting and didn't have any of my "dealbreakers" listed I would send a message asking either about a specific book on their profile, OR if they had a more general statement about enjoyment of reading, I would ask them what specific books or genres they liked. Online dating is best approached using a relatively scattershot approach, as much like direct marketing you will only get a small percentage reply. As expected, I sent out quite a few messages of this type that went nowhere.
One of the guys on OK Cupid that replied to my message about reading followed up with more information plus questions about me. We ended up meeting in person, now are married and are expecting a child in December.
I am kicking myself for not remembering what books I put in my own dating profile! I don't think I listed specifics but listed genres if I recall correctly.
Karin wrote: "This is a fun question because I did use reading as one of my primary filters while online dating! Note I am female and used the apps to look for a male.Any male that listed that they enjoyed rea..."
Congratulations Karin! Your description of the online dating process sounded horrible to me though and thankfully, I am at an age where I no longer am obliged to date.
Sam wrote: "Congratulations Karin! Your description of the online dating process sounded horrible to me though and thankfully, I am at an age where I no longer am obliged to date."It's as bad or as good as you make it. If you think it's awful, then you'll have an awful experience, but if you approach it as an interesting social experiment it's entertaining enough. I don't think anyone is obliged to date regardless of age and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to date/get married/have a family :)
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And it's always nice to hear a happy ending--congrats, Karin!
If you could only have put one book on your profile, is there one you would have chosen, Karin?
Marc wrote: "I think connecting through books to find love sounds wonderful. :-)And it's always nice to hear a happy ending--congrats, Karin!
If you could only have put one book on your profile, is there one ..."
No. I would have just put "I enjoy reading" rather than limit myself to just one book!
Congrats, Karin!I have enjoyed reading the responses.
I'm not entirely sure what I would put. Most likely The Story of My Teeth because it's quirky, unique, & funny; sweet & bittersweet at the same time. And I love the story behind the creation of it, as well as the background of the translation.
How I wish I could find someone (SO or even just friends) in real life who enjoyed similar reading tastes!
When my wife and I first started dating, we discovered that we both enjoyed reading. I was going through a big Carl Hiaasen phase at the time, and I thought she would enjoy his quirky stories. So I went to grab one of my copies off the shelf to lend her, but I only had two: Strip Tease and Lucky You. This was probably within our first few weeks of dating, and I couldn't see Strip Tease as being appropriate, so I grabbed Lucky You. I met her at the car and handed her the book."Lucky me?" she said. "Well, don't you think you're something."
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I like this approach, as it leads to kind of exchanges you mentioned, one of which was a definite success. I think I would put the general reading comment as well, then discount almost everyone who didn't ask about what books I liked.
And, Bryan, that is hilarious. File under "you just can't win".
As a corollary there are books that if someone put them on their dating app, it would be an automatic no way for me. My husband I have a lot of overlap, which is good, but we also despise the same books. (Just a handful of them.)
Tea73 wrote: "As a corollary there are books that if someone put them on their dating app, it would be an automatic no way for me. My husband I have a lot of overlap, which is good, but we also despise the same ..."Yes. When I was using online dating, if I saw someone really liked DFW or Ayn Rand, nope :)
Just out of curiosity--is it DFW you don't like or are you wary of other people who do like him?
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Of all the links in the article, “Why I’m Waiting for The Right Man to Tell Me I Should Read ‘Infinite Jest." is short and very funny.
Okay--to be fair, I didn't read past the first few sentences of the article, but I have to say that after the cocaine experience, this seems less about DFW and the article-writer's dating choices. I'm not sure DFW is the yardstick here.All right--I'll read the rest of the article. FWIW, I have enjoyed most of what I've read of DFW, though his style is probably not going to appeal to everyone. I'm trying to remember now if I ever tried to get my wife to read him--it's possible, but I wouldn't have started with Hideous Men or Infinite Jest.
It's a few things--one, I've read DFW (not IJ) and really didn't care for his style. Then I learned of his very well documented abuse towards women. Granted there are other authors who have been racist, abusive, etc. but he's the one that still jumps out a lot as well liked. Personally, when I learn that a contemporary writer is sexist, or racist etc. I just stop reading them. My TBR is literally over a thousand books, it's not like I'll be lacking reading material. But that's beside the point of this thread.Ultimately, many times, a male who lists DFW as a favorite MOST LIKELY BUT NOT ALWAYS sticks to white male lit canon, and I am not interested in dating a non-diverse reader. I know there are exceptions to the rule and there are surely men who love DFW despite the above AND read diversely. But we're talking online dating here. We have a massive population to choose from as I live in a major metro area. You have to weed your population somehow. In my experience online dating had to be treated like a statistical experiment and you couldn't have too much personally invested in the outcome. I have friends who have been online dating for years because they are looking for *just that profile* and get invested in the outcome and are deeply upset when the actual human doesn't live up to their expectations of a profile.
This made me laugh:"Now, the male editor of this website has asked me to read Brief Interviews with Hideous Men and write about it for money. This I can relate to."
Good article. I think she gets the point across.ETA: I ended up going down the rabbit hole with the Reductress articles. Those were pretty funny.
Come to think of it, picking out what books to read is much like online dating! You *Have* to have some criteria on what you will just cut from the jump otherwise you will be overwhelmed with decisions to make. Even if I live a very long life, sadly, I'll never make it through all the books in the world I want to read. I have to come up with some blanket guidelines to guide me. So that's why when I hear a contemporary writer does something that doesn't align with me morally, I am OK with just chopping them from the list.
Karin wrote: "So that's why when I hear a contemporary writer does something that doesn't align with me morally, I am OK with just chopping them from the list..."Agreed.
Thanks for answering.
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Except it's so much less awkward with a bad book than a bad date. You don't have to worry about hurting a book's feelings when you don't care for it, or have to cringe from that look of disappointment when a book doesn't care for you. Also, a book has never sent me a dick pic I didn't ask for, and has never called me a stuck-up c*%# because I wouldn't give it my phone number.
Whitney wrote: "Karin wrote: "Come to think of it, picking out what books to read is much like online dating! You *Have* to have some criteria on what you will just cut from the jump otherwise you will be overwhel..."This.
Whitney wrote: "Karin wrote: "Come to think of it, picking out what books to read is much like online dating! You *Have* to have some criteria on what you will just cut from the jump otherwise you will be overwhel..."Sure, I was specifically referring to an initial weeding of the population though in my example, prior to any interactions with the person. Personally I didn't get too deep into feelings either direction if I didn't hit it off with a person (either I sent them a polite no thanks to a future date, and when I was on the receiving end of a polite no thanks I didn't really care frankly because I didn't invest much early in, ever) but absolutely to your last sentence, that's unacceptable.
I was thinking about this topic some more over the afternoon--I still don't remember if I ever recommended DFW to my wife or not, but I do know I used to want her to watch certain movies with me that I really liked--it probably amounts to the same kind of impulse. I eventually stopped when I realized that she wasn't interested. From a psychological stance, I think this is all rather interesting. I don't ever recall my wife trying to recommend something to me in the same way. Over the years, she probably has, but not to the point that I remember it, so it was probably in an off-hand way, and not that important to her if I took her suggestion or not.
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, no question, hands down. The series of 14 original books by Baum. And, yes, they were also my husband's favorite books he read as a child - actually, I think he had them read to him. I devoured them too fast to sit still for someone to read aloud. And yes, that's why I married him. : )
21st Century Literature
Books mentioned in this topic
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (other topics)Strip Tease (other topics)
Lucky You (other topics)
The Story of My Teeth (other topics)
True Grit (other topics)
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