SOLVED. The heroine goes through this series growing as a person. She has to find a way to keep her family in honor, she marries the enemy, manages to gain the aid of a sentient warrior bees in her planet. /s

[Hada]

This is a series. I believe 3 books. One of the books has the heroine sitting on a throne with either white hair or a white headdress. A striped tiger (I think) and a slave. The cover is perhaps orange or red.

The series is about how a young girl has her family murdered in a way that they could lose all honor. She has to find a way to gain back her family honor and ends up marrying into the family that murdered her family. She somehow makes it so that her father in law has to commit suicide to keep his family honor.

In later book she is able to move into a land that her husband owns. Part of this land has a hive of warrior beings--the way they are described is seemingly bees--they have a queen. She is able to get the queen to agree to become her ally if she ever needs help.

[Ann aka Iftcan]

Serpent's Reach While not a trilogy, it has some of the elements you are describing.

[Michele]

I'm sure this is the Empire trilogy by Raymond E. Feist and Janny Wurtz. 1st book is Daughter of the Empire


Mara's father and brother are killed in war and she becomes the head of the family. She marries the son of her family's enemy then shames him into suicide after she has a son. She makes an alliance with the insect people who start a colony on her lands (they have queens and make silk). Eventually she tricks her most powerful enemy into also committing ritual suicide.

[Hada]

Michele wrote: "I'm sure this is the Empire trilogy by Raymond E. Feist and Janny Wurtz. 1st book is Daughter of the Empire
[bookcover:Servant of the Empire..."

Michele,
That is indeed the series I have been looking for! Thank you so much!!