it's personal discussion
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chin up and we'll drown a little slower;
I love the feeling of leaning on someone. Like, when they have their arm around you.
I've decided to start making my own clothes. Just bought a sewing machine and I'm going to get fabrics tomorow :)
I wonder how long this will last O__O
I wonder how long this will last O__O
My brother has been in the bathroom for like an hour my bladder is legit aching OMG >.<
I am eating Chinese food and but I'm craving a good book.
Woah! Good luck!
O.o yikes I'm sorry.
Aww.
O.o yikes I'm sorry.
Aww.
As i thoughtfully chew these Lo Mein noodles, I discover that there is no worse pain than beginning to miss someone that doesn't miss you back.
ἀℓℓἱℯ ↯ᴵ ᵈᵒᶰ'ᵗ ᵏᶰᵒʷ ʰᵒʷ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᶳᵒᵐᵉᵗʰᶤᶰᵍ ʸᵒᵘ'ᵈ ᵐᶤᶳᶳ↯ wrote: "Woah! Good luck!
O.o yikes I'm sorry.
Aww."
Thanks <3
O.o yikes I'm sorry.
Aww."
Thanks <3
Woah I just saw your username and wow does that ever apply to what I just posted >.<
O.O coincidences always mean something...
Which name the mod title or the one after my name?
Oh. Nah. That's for anyone. :P
Well if you were to {God forbid} leave I'd miss you like crazy! :*
Yay I'm finally out of my reading slump! I've read almost three books in the past two days :D
Whenever I'm stressed I just have cuddle time with my pillow and pretend it's Kevin Zegers.
Officially the worst day ever. Started out with me being sick all day, failing a test, and going through a disaster during school, and it's about to end with the terrible news that someone I love is leaving.
My first new journal update.
Alright, I've decided I want my journal posts to be a bit more meaningful, not just little blurbs from my life, you know? So I've decided to turn over a new leaf and call it a 'new journal' because I don't have the heart to delete this one to make a new one. I love it too much :3
So I made a new friend today. My goal is to now become a bit more friendlier. After all the key to being happy is to surround yourself with happy things, and happy people are happy things right?
I'll be sure to keep track of my progress on that.
Another goal I have is to stop biting my nails. No, not to paint them all pretty, but just because the tips of my fingers have been hurting since I first started biting, and that was when I was two years old. Also, scratching people is an added bonus.
Alright, I've decided I want my journal posts to be a bit more meaningful, not just little blurbs from my life, you know? So I've decided to turn over a new leaf and call it a 'new journal' because I don't have the heart to delete this one to make a new one. I love it too much :3
So I made a new friend today. My goal is to now become a bit more friendlier. After all the key to being happy is to surround yourself with happy things, and happy people are happy things right?
I'll be sure to keep track of my progress on that.
Another goal I have is to stop biting my nails. No, not to paint them all pretty, but just because the tips of my fingers have been hurting since I first started biting, and that was when I was two years old. Also, scratching people is an added bonus.
Alone
Today I had a feeling of dread because I realized that there never really is a place for me in this world. I have no one to turn to all the time, no one who always has my back, no one who would truly help me if needed. I try to delude myself with thoughts that I do have these type of people in my life, but I really don't.
Today was also a day that I'm not too proud of and I'm probably going to Hell for. It started with the initial feeling settling in. Then I picked up my phone and I called the national suicide hotline. I chickened out and I hung up despite the lady on the other end telling me not too. I picked up a wooden pencil and bent the metal thingy at the top to make this sort of sharp tool and I hacked away at the skin on my upper left forearm.
I'm not proud of it, no, and for some reason I felt safe putting this here, because I needed to tell someone and honestly, very few, if any, people read my journal.
Today I had a feeling of dread because I realized that there never really is a place for me in this world. I have no one to turn to all the time, no one who always has my back, no one who would truly help me if needed. I try to delude myself with thoughts that I do have these type of people in my life, but I really don't.
Today was also a day that I'm not too proud of and I'm probably going to Hell for. It started with the initial feeling settling in. Then I picked up my phone and I called the national suicide hotline. I chickened out and I hung up despite the lady on the other end telling me not too. I picked up a wooden pencil and bent the metal thingy at the top to make this sort of sharp tool and I hacked away at the skin on my upper left forearm.
I'm not proud of it, no, and for some reason I felt safe putting this here, because I needed to tell someone and honestly, very few, if any, people read my journal.
I love you.
These words have been said to me quite a few times. However, if it comes in the form of LY or ILY or a quick 'love Ya' then it doesn't count. I'm talking a genuine declaration of love from one person to another. In that case, it's been said a lot fewer times to me. In fact, I think it only ever came from two people who I happened to be dating at the time. (No, not at the same time :/).
My family shows affection not by saying I love you, or hugging, or anything like that, but with teasing. If you're made fun of, you're loved. But what my family doesn't seem to understand is that putting someone down isn't a way to show love for them. I tried bringing this up to my mom once, but she simply told me that I needed to grow a thicker skin if simple teasing like that is going to hurt me.
What I'm yearning for is a sibling, a friend, anyone, who will simply love me. I'm talking real love, as in I'd-lay-my-life-down-for-you love.
These words have been said to me quite a few times. However, if it comes in the form of LY or ILY or a quick 'love Ya' then it doesn't count. I'm talking a genuine declaration of love from one person to another. In that case, it's been said a lot fewer times to me. In fact, I think it only ever came from two people who I happened to be dating at the time. (No, not at the same time :/).
My family shows affection not by saying I love you, or hugging, or anything like that, but with teasing. If you're made fun of, you're loved. But what my family doesn't seem to understand is that putting someone down isn't a way to show love for them. I tried bringing this up to my mom once, but she simply told me that I needed to grow a thicker skin if simple teasing like that is going to hurt me.
What I'm yearning for is a sibling, a friend, anyone, who will simply love me. I'm talking real love, as in I'd-lay-my-life-down-for-you love.
Sunny Days
Sunny Days
Sweeping the clouds away
After weeks upon weeks of sub zero temperatures, the city of Detroit is finally blessed with a day of sunshine and 38 degree Fahrenheit temperatures :D
Things I love about this type of weather:
1. No bulky jackets!
2. BASEBALL <3
3. Pretty green grass and colourful flowers.
4. The beautiful breeze
5. All the gross brown snow will melt
6. Spring Cleaning! (Yes, I know, I'm weird.)
7. BASEBALL. <3
8. Everyone's in a better mood.
9. Spring's almost here!
10. Getting tan.
11. A fresh glass of mint lemonade.
12. Baseball!
Gosh. I could go on and on and on. I'm in a great mood :D
OH! Did I mention baseball?
Missing someone
First off, let me clarify. I'm not talking about missing a boy/ girlfriend. I'm talking about missing a friend.
Now, the thing about me is that I always try my best to find the good in every situation. So, now that someone is gone, and I'm missing them ahem, Allie is it bad that they're gone, or is it good because it means that I loved someone? Even if it was breif?
Two discussion subjects instead of one, because they're short
High school
Everyone's always telling me to enjoy it, it's the best days of my life, etc., etc., and I've honestly tried so hard to enjoy it but I can't seem to find anything about it to enjoy {besides him of course. But he doesn't count.}. It's everything, from the amount of people to the annoying-ness of people to the waking up early and the dumb teachers. *Sigh* I really do despise school, but I'm trying my best to make the most of it. >.<
Goals of today
1. Make a new friend (Or at least be friendly)
2. Examine what has changed with me throughout the last year. (Figure out why/ how I went from a bubbly, friendly person to the biggest bitch alive)
3. Get N (Let's just call her N for now, she's a friend) to open up about _____ ______ ________. (Yes, I am keeping that blank because she confided in me, but not fully, and I'm respecting her privacy)
Legacy
in honor of Allie
You're gone now… I've accepted that, because there's not much I can do to change it. I still miss you every day. However, you did leave a lasting impact on my life.
When you were here, I felt a sense of being complete. After all, you are amazing and sweet and understanding and kind and basically everything I ever really needed in a friend. Because of this, I found myself a bit sectioned off from everyone else… meaning I was so content with our friendship that I didn't bother with anything else.
After you left, I was sad. So were 151 other people. Your leaving bonded us together. You leaving, although it was tragic, helped me to make new friends. Helped me to find others I could trust. Helped me to open up, out of my shell a little bit. And I can't thank you enough for that.
It seems fitting, that even after the glory of your time period here, the simple act of you leaving has left positive impact, like everything else you did.
Forever loving and missing you, Allie.
Depression
An undiagnosed feeling of sadness and how I plan to overcome it
I'm sad right now. I think it's mostly caused by loneliness. Whatever it is, I just want to curl up into a ball and not move for hours. My grades are basically shit, one of my close friends is pissed off at me for God-knows-what, I'm so freaking tired, and my damn jealous side is acting up because someone other than myself is talking to my best friend.
Today is not a good day.
The thing is, today was the day that I resolved to go back to my 'old' self-- the version of Ayah from before the 'incident', the perky and happy Ayah. I think I succeeded, for the most part, the only problem is that I feel like absolute shit.
I can't even think of a way to overcome because for no apparent reason I just want to sit and cry.
My current whereabouts
Driving a cherry-red mustang with the top down, through the streets of my beautiful city <3
Haven't updated my journal in a while.
Mainly, because I have nothing to say.
I've been silenced.
April Fools Day
I HATE THIS DAY SO SO SO DAMN MUCH ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY.
It's me again.
Of course it's me. Who else would it be?
I haven't been updating this as I should be. I don't know why, exactly. I have no more words left. I'm a shell, now. Everything has dried up. My words emerge for short periods of time, and for only very specific people. People I trust. People I truly, genuinely love. And I can't possibly put into words how much I appreciate having these people in my life. They bring out my words. They bring out the absolute best in me.
Just another random though to accompany my happiness over the Tigers winning their home opener
It's been days since I was last able to breathe on my own, and I know that something's either wrong with my lungs (even more wrong than they already are) or something's wrong with my machine, but I, of course, don't want to tell anyone about it. Sure, they'll notice sooner or later, but for now if rather not burden anyone with my issues (Or have to spend x amount of days in a hospital… again).
If anyone's gonna take us far this year, it's Yoenis Cespedes. Spectacular catch to stop a homer earlier, and he's hit a double and triple, all in one game. My mannnnnn Cespedes.
Also, I don't get why some people care so much about what others think.
"You streaked your hair blue?!?! What will your aunt think of us now?" -Madré
Also, I don't get why some people care so much about what others think.
"You streaked your hair blue?!?! What will your aunt think of us now?" -Madré
The weirdest thing just happened to me I was so hungry so I made this big plate of food but then I took two bites and I got full. I'm so mad. The food was good and now I can't even taste it . >.<
Also I really want to do a Friday Night Lights roleplay but no one is interested .-.
Also I really want to do a Friday Night Lights roleplay but no one is interested .-.
It's only 8:05. I don't want this day to go to waste but I have literally nothing to do, and I'm still full but I WANT FOOD.
Only the young can say
They're free to fly away
Sharing the same desires
Burning like wildfire
-Journey, Only the Young
It's spring break and I'm just sitting here cooped up in my house. I want to DO something with people I actually like :/
things that are bad right now:
I got like one hour of sleep last night
I look like death
My hair refuses to properly spike
I'm so hungry
It's dark, windy, and raining
things that are good right now
Kevin Zegers exists
Even though the TV went out, Netflix still works
I got like one hour of sleep last night
I look like death
My hair refuses to properly spike
I'm so hungry
It's dark, windy, and raining
things that are good right now
Kevin Zegers exists
Even though the TV went out, Netflix still works
I cannot keep food down and I'm starving. This is upsetting.
Are you feeling sick? Or is it something else?
Zechariah wrote: "Are you feeling sick? Or is it something else?"
The pharmacy mixed up my medications so I've been going haywire lately!
The pharmacy mixed up my medications so I've been going haywire lately!
I am death.
I am so tired it isn't even funny. I'm physically aching for a nap.
But I'm a happy version of death
Due to the fact that I have really, really awesome friends who are pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Mental vs. physical
Mental: Happy because I have a safe haven online to escape to. Annoyed because I'm surrounded by idiots. Literally. They're everywhere.
Physical: More sleep… would be nice. I was up most of the night worried sick that I was going to lose someone who I now know will never leave me. I think I'm coming down with the flu or something because EVERYTHING hurts.
I love myself. I love my friends. And I love the Detroit Tigers. 8-1 baby! <3 <3
Hehe.High-five on that, sister.
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried (other topics)Will Grayson, Will Grayson (other topics)
Bridge of Clay (other topics)
The Art of Being Normal (other topics)
Clockwork Princess (other topics)
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Authors mentioned in this topic
E.B. White (other topics)Sidney Sheldon (other topics)
Jane Austen (other topics)
And it's not who I think it is because he looked really pissed off and I'm pretty sure it's because I got roses from someone who wasn't him.