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The GRRRR!!!!!! thread
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Carole
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Jun 08, 2017 12:11PM
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Gisele wrote: "Angel wrote: "Hi, everybody! Can I have some support here. An author just went postal when I gave her a three star review. She's so used to her friends giving her all five stars that her first non-..."Thanks, Gisele!
Carole wrote: "I wouldn't worry about it. However, don't engage with her, Angel and it will go away on its own."Thanks, Carole! I'm not going to engage.
Alex wrote: "Sorry to hear you're having this issue Angel, it's a terrible thing to have to deal with, and completely unprofessional on the part of the person you reviewed. There's nothing wrong with a 3* revie..."Thanks, Alex! I wholeheartedly agree.
Theodore wrote: "Angel wrote: "R.L. wrote: "I def don't think you should attack a reviewer regardless of what you get from them. I wouldn't engage with her if I were you. It only makes her look bad if it's one side..."Thanks, Theodore! That hasn't happen to me yet, but I've heard horror stories and have been in virtual group hugs with reviewers here on Goodreads about that very thing that has happened to them and continues to happen here on Goodreads/Amazon reviewers. Some reviewers have left Goodreads because they've been threatened by the author and their families have been threatened, some have even had death threats.
J. wrote: "You do this long enough and you're going to get reviews that aren't the most glowing. It happens to everyone! Even Harry Potter had bad reviews. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, Angel. I thi..."Thank you, J.! Hear, hear! You took the words right out of my mouth.
Amy wrote: "Oh good grief, the second review I received was a one star! Nothing wrong with a three star. She emailed you attacking you? I thought the worst thing you could do as an author unhappy with a review..."Thanks, Amy! I did. I didn't attack the author personally or anything. This is the sum up of what I said: "I didn't connect with the characters." Of course it was more in depth than that as to why I didn't connect. But I was very constructive.
R.L. wrote: "Yeah I wouldn't worry about her showing up to your house. Just shrug her off and keep moving."That's what I'm going to do, R.L. Thank you all for your feedback. *Hugs*
Amy wrote: "Nothing wrong with that."I didn't think anything was wrong with it either. You can look at my reviews and tell that I'm always constructive and honest in my reviews.
J. wrote: "Angel wrote: "R.L. wrote: "I def don't think you should attack a reviewer regardless of what you get from them. I wouldn't engage with her if I were you. It only makes her look bad if it's one side..."Maybe she will move on, I hope.
I recently got a 1 star review for one of my books and the review said that they didn't personally connect with the characters. And you know what? I was totally cool with that. I even appreciated it. My characters and my books are not for everyone. Many people like them and that makes me happy. But some don't. That's just the way the world works. She shouldn't expect everyone to love her writing. And that's definitely not on you, Angel. I think you're probably fine and she's just pissy about her first bad review. Don't stress it!!
J. wrote: "I recently got a 1 star review for one of my books and the review said that they didn't personally connect with the characters. And you know what? I was totally cool with that. I even appreciated i..."Thanks, J! I'm stressing less and less about. After a while I'll have forgotten her name and existence. That's usually how it goes when I encounter toxic people. I mean if she does that with another reviewer who doesn't give her a stellar review they might not be so nice about it. She could really piss them off if she reacts like that to the next reviewer. They could totally destroy her. Even I've gotten one stars, two stars on my books. I've had the whole rating system done with just one of my books alone. I knew the deal when I started putting my writing out there. I knew that not everyone was going to like it. Some people just like to be fed B.S. and after a while they get used to the taste of it. Thank goodness, I'm not one of those people. That would be a sad existence if I was one of those.
Sadly I've had flack from authors. Fortunately I'd read their books as part of a review group swap, and the moderators stepped in on my side. It doesn't feel nice, and I don't know about you, but I dreaded opening my email inbox for a few days. But as others have said, it's about her, not you.
Chrys wrote: "Sadly I've had flack from authors. Fortunately I'd read their books as part of a review group swap, and the moderators stepped in on my side. It doesn't feel nice, and I don't know about you, but..."
Thanks, Chrys! And yes I have that same dread. Now I've become even more wary because of it.
People will be nasty wherever. I'm about to publish some videos for the first time (reading from my books) and I wonder how long before someone writes a nasty comment.
Well, the first video is up. I read from the first chapter of my urban fantasy 'The Temptation of Dragons,' with my small parrot interfering throughout!I decided that I'd have to moderate any comments left on the You Tube page, just in case.
Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdZHw...
Chrys wrote: "Well, the first video is up. I read from the first chapter of my urban fantasy 'The Temptation of Dragons,' with my small parrot interfering throughout!I decided that I'd have to moderate any com..."
I loved it! I also loved your parrot!!!! (;>) What a pal!
Yes, she's lovely. I thought of doing one without her, but it is fun to watch her crawling around!
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That's very kind of you! Perhaps without the parrot...
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I agree with Carole you have the perfect articulate voice for the audio version. Right from the start of you reading it, I was immediately drawn into the story. And it doesn't hurt that I'm a huge, huge fan of dragons, like obsessed. Yes, I have a ton of dragon art added to my eclectic Pinterest and photo gallery. Yes, I just admitted that out loud. :)
Well (she says, blushing) public speaking is part of my role. Those sermons on Sundays...
OMG I'd be fuming too. What on earth possessed them to send it to a branch? They never do that, at least not when I've had the same thing happen. UGH, still with online banking and paying by phone these days at least it's easy to transfer money into other people's accounts. I'd be lost without that.
That's not a glowing recommendation of their services if they'll do you more harm than good long term. But having a list of options is only a good thing.My grrr today is that I've got my covers and have cut and pasted a version of the paperback one to create the ebook cover, I could have asked, but it's no hassle to do that one myself. However in uploading the cover and checking it on KDP all of a sudden I've got bigger paragraph indents than I wanted in the MS. So I've had to reformat and upload the manuscript again. I don't remember changing it, it looks hideous on the version I have on the phone. I have so many version of the damn first book, it's driving me crazy.
Ah I see, yes you need consistency. It doesn't help to get so far and then have to change services.I imagine the indentation thing was me. I can't think how it could be anything other than human error. But how I would have passed a 0.5cm indent I don't know. I'm usually very OCD about checking the layout before hitting OK. The text almost starts a third of the way across the page. Ugh.
Possible I suppose. Annoying either way. Just how many times am I going to have to upload this first book?!
Just got to change the paperback cover... I really hate the responsibility of this bit. If you write a crap book you can pass it off as just not being someone's cup of tea, if you get the formatting or something technical wrong then it's an actual error.
True. I just hate making mistakes and being shown up. Too much of a history of being laughed at I'm afraid. I don't mind being laughed at for content I just chalk that up to weirdness. My phone suggested I type "I don't mind meningitis" just then. I'm pretty sure I would.
I wish I knew how this worked. Clearly I haven't got the finished files yet because the pb cover doesn't fit. #RequiresMorePatience #WasNeverAnyGoodAtThatBit
Anxiety. OK, so I've got to get a refund on a UVB light for one of the pets, I've had it for a week and it's popped already. But the response from the seller was to ask questions I didn't know the answer to. Luckily my husband had the answers. So I've responded to that.
One of my book covers is not sitting right on the KDP set up screen, the title on the spine looks like it'll bleed around the corners of the spine. I've sent a screen grab to the designer and asked her to squash the letters.
None of that is major, everything can be sorted out. But my lower abdomen feels like molten metal and the centre of my chest feels like it's buzzing.
Anxiety.
Thanks Alex. I need to tick boxes right now. They're all pending. It's annoying.
Chrys wrote: "Well, the first video is up. I read from the first chapter of my urban fantasy 'The Temptation of Dragons,' with my small parrot interfering throughout!I love this! I'll post it on my Facebook page tomorrow (I try to schedule a post a day, and so far am failing miserably). Great tone & enthusiasm.
Becky perhaps you could also mention that the book is free download for Kindle until 13 June? Or you could like my Facebook page (Chrys Cymri) and share stuff from there.
And thanks for the kind comments and offer to post!
Oh it hasn't changed then has it? And yet we're supposed to be really making great strides with mental health services. It's not great strides if it's going to cost a fortune. Out of interest let me know how much it is when you find out. An hours therapy when I was 19 cost me £25. That was 26 years ago. Osteopaths are now £40-£50 for half an hour. Physios are £50 for half an hour or was it an hour? I imagine therapy will be in the region of at least £50.
It's sad when you can't get what you need and you're trying to get the help. I'm pulling for you, Alex. I know how it is to battle a mental illness and wanting to and trying to get help for it but stuff like that gets in the way and you feel hopeless. But hang in there it'll work out. You have my empathy and sympathy.
Alex wrote: "Angel wrote: "It's sad when you can't get what you need and you're trying to get the help. I'm pulling for you, Alex. I know how it is to battle a mental illness and wanting to and trying to get he..."I've been through the ringer with it before. Sometimes when you finally get the services you need either they are no longer available or the clinic has made severe cutbacks where the mental health professionals have all left, which has what has happened in my case. So the only time I can see a mental health professional is once every three to four years when its time for me to have my outpatient evaluation. I've never been an inpatient. I've manage to avoid that. So I agree you should avoid that at all cost. I hope it works out for you. I have a feeling it will. But I'm here for you, we all are if you just need to rant or just need to talk. :)
My mum was in a mental institution for some time way before I was born. I'm not sure it helped. She told me about ECT and how bad than was when I was little. After that she was basically left to her own devices and that was wrong. Especially when she had a small child to bring up. These days it seems you have to have the money to help yourself. The NHS didn't diagnose my EDS I had to pay people to get that far. It's the same with mental health services. They don't really exist despite what people claim. You have to meet a set of criteria to access them. You can get Prozac though which of course is modern society's cure all!
Alex wrote: "Amy wrote: "My mum was in a mental institution for some time way before I was born. I'm not sure it helped. She told me about ECT and how bad than was when I was little. After that she was basicall..."I've been there done that with medication. It made me more suicidal and I felt like dried paint with a zombie hangover. I was sixteen or seventeen at the time. I took it off and on or not at all. I told the doctors how it was making me feel and they just prescribed more meds. Finally after about a decade and by then I had decided on my own not to take the pills anymore, they had found out the medication which was a mild antidepressant was proven to make teens to young adults suicidal. A lot of them had committed suicide while taking the medication. So they couldn't just brush me off as a teenage lunatic anymore. I haven't been on medication in about twenty years. I try other methods to deal non-illegal though. But I wouldn't recommend for anyone to do what I did. It is a risk. Sometimes I think about maybe trying medication. But no I like having clarity. Even though I have mental issues I still have clarity whereas I didn't with the meds in my system.
Yes I lost clarity on Prozac. It is known for making you emotionally disengaged. It's not useful for a writer. I haven't taken any in a couple of years but I was on it for the best part of my 30s. Works for some. But never a long term answer for me. Keep fighting.
Amy wrote: "Yes I lost clarity on Prozac. It is known for making you emotionally disengaged. It's not useful for a writer. I haven't taken any in a couple of years but I was on it for the best part of my 30s. ..."My methods are writing, keeping toxic people out of my life, making sure my ten year old son is taken care of and just doing all those things on repeat per day. That's my prescription. I just want to succeed in all those methods. I hope that I do.
No reason why you shouldn't. I do a similar thing although I am contemplating giving up my failing business for my own sanity. It's not doing me any favours.
Alex wrote: "I gave up on the meds a couple of years ago, they just didn't work for me, I definitely didn't like the feeling that I could spend all day just sitting and staring into nothing.As you say Angel, I..."
That's the first step. If you just get out of bed everyday and do what you love to do. Take that first step and the rest of the building blocks will come. Just one day at a time, one step at a time.
Amy wrote: "No reason why you shouldn't. I do a similar thing although I am contemplating giving up my failing business for my own sanity. It's not doing me any favours."Amy, taking care of yourself is key. If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of anyone else. You have to do what's best for you.
I've had patches of time like that Alex. I wasted so many days just sitting doing nothing. I was not productive enough when medicated. Angel you are right you have to look after yourself first. Especially if you have other people relying on you to look after them. The trouble is some people around me don't like it when I start doing the things that are right for me. I don't talk to them often any more. Life can be very one sided sometimes.
I went to a handful of therapy sessions over a decade ago, and I highly doubt I'll ever go to another one again.Reasons:
1.) Therapists are all products of the middle class. High school > college > advanced degree > involved in a practice somewhere. They dress alike. They think alike. They have the same life experiences. It's impossible for them to relate to someone who isn't on the Middle Class Pathway to Success.
2.) Speaking of the Pathway to Success - their goal is not to help you achieve happiness or contentment, but to make you "a productive member of society." Which means: force yourself to work at a job you hate and force yourself to interact with people who are scumbags. Because life is about persevering!
Wouldn't it be great if a therapist said, "You really have trouble with society. Why don't you set up a homestead so you won't have to deal with all that?"
There may be therapists out there who say that, or something similar, but I've never heard of them.
3.) They whip out the prescription pad with a speed that would make a gunslinger gasp in awe. "Take this pill and leave everyone alone." No thanks - you're not gonna turn me into a zombie.
While I don't claim to have mastered my mental health, I think I'm in a great place compared to the past.
All you have to do is give the middle finger to society. Society has done nothing for me - why should I do anything for society? Why I should I bang on the metaphorical castle gate yelling, "Please, accept me!" when the people in the castle aren't worth two cents?
Why should I get involved in politics? There are two choices, Democrats and Republicans, and they both suck. At the state level or in the federal House of Representatives, there's a chance a third party or an independent candidate can get elected, but most of the time you get either a donkey or an elephant.
Once upon a time, it wasn't so bad. Politicians did things. They passed sweeping legislation. They built dams. Now the answer to everything is, "No." If something does manage to get through, it's some watered-down nonsense that the politicians of fifty years ago would've laughed at - or, some group that represents 0.001% of the population immediately sues and stalls everything.
Why should I try to climb the corporate ladder, where people are stabbing you in the back daily and telling an off-color joke gets you sent to sensitivity training?
Why should I follow current events? The media is laughable. I get better information watching the Phillip DeFranco show on YouTube than I do watching NBC Nightly News. It takes hours to get to the truth of a story, and if you explain your findings to people, they act like you're crazy. "That's not what Lester Holt said!"
Why should I volunteer? I've volunteered for hundreds of hours, mostly when I was unemployed. I've done my part. I'm no longer going to be a mule because "it's the right thing to do."
Why should I go to some Meetup group, or join some club or casual sports team? The people are all self-centered - no one is interested in developing lasting friendships, or even acquaintances. Well, they are, if you have the Accepted Image and Personality, which I don't.
Why should I go to college or some Adult Education course? I've been to college. Actually, I dropped out of college the first go-round, which was the best decision I ever made. Returning to college was the worst - well, returning to university was terrible. Community college is OK. When I finally graduated, I had a 3.6 GPA overall. Much wow. Much smarts. HAH! Yeah right. Any drone can get a similar GPA. It's all horseshit. Read, regurgitate, and forget. The "critical thought" colleges always talk about? Never experienced it. Any critical thinking ability I possess I developed on my own.
To return to the point: develop self-sufficiency. Keep 99% of the world at arm's length - you don't need them. You only need a few trusted allies. Forget everyone else.
Oh, and one more thing: I hate traffic. Stop texting and drive, dammit!
Man, you guys have had some rotten experiences. My time with psychologists and psychiatrists has been almost entirely positive. They've all been lovely and understanding, been very reluctant to medicate me (my latest one didn't at all) and really helped get me back on my feet.I only had 10 sessions at the discounted rate for the year, but even that has helped immensely.
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