Need help with genre placement and blurb...

[Groovy]

I have a new release coming Jan. 2017 (no title as yet) I write Romantic/Suspense. But this one will have an element of Sci/Fi in it. To me, it's about 60% Suspense, 30% Romance, and 10% Sci/Fi. When you read the blurb, I would like to know if that's the feel you get; and what genres should I list it under.

Also, the blurb is a draft. So, as you read it, and if you think something could be improved, please let me know. Thank-you for your help:)

BLURB:

Sixteen year-old Mira is a simple Egyptian girl with chores like all the others in her small village in Lower Egypt 3303 B.C.E. But that soon changes when a strange flying object whips across the sky and disappears behind a mountain. Her father didn’t believe her when she tried to tell him about that one. But when a second one sails over her with black smoke pouring out the back, he agrees to look for this “flying metal” to put the matter to rest once and for all.

A charred trail leads them through burnt foliage and slanted trees until it ends down a deep ravine where the huge structure is resting. A bounty-hunter named Weir emerges from that ship, and he proves to be a blessing that has arrived just in time. Because the passenger from that first ship turns out to be a murderous plague like none Egypt has ever known in the name of Demen; and he must be captured and taken back to the planet Aut before another woman dies at his hands.

Now, tending sheep and helping her mother with household duties is child’s play compared to the new role Mira’s been cast into. Against her father’s orders, she becomes Weir’s right-hand accomplice and guide into the Egyptian city of Sharkura. A big problem awaits them there: Demen is now a powerful Pharaoh, and apprehending him will almost cost them their lives. But there is only one death—Demen’s—and now that Weir has accomplished his mission, he is free to return home to Aut.

Or so they thought…

Decades of centuries pass through the stream of time, carrying with it a lifetime of wars, the fall and birth of new nations, and technological progress. And through this passage of time, the descendants of Mira migrate across continents until they finally set up root in the western state of California USA in the twenty-first century.

Overseeing all of the artifacts and exhibits of the Graham-Arlee museum in the small desert town of Almay, California is Tina Leggs, a descendent of the little shepherd girl, Mira. Little does she know that the mummy exhibit that’s drawing crowds from all across the country, and blowing up Social Media, is the same Demen that her ancestor crossed paths with centuries ago.

Demen is no longer a powerful Pharaoh. Now, he’s nothing more than a museum exhibit since he was discovered in an archaeological dig in the Valley of the Kings. He’s been dead for centuries, but a rare occurrence will give him life once more. And as he secretly assimilates himself with the new world he wakes up to, centuries of being dead has not dimmed his desire to kill and end the misery known as woman.

Enter Q, the second bounty-hunter sent to Earth to take Demen back to Aut where his termination awaits. Just like her ancestor, Mira, Tina has been cast into the role of ally to this handsome bounty-hunter in his pursuit. In the midst of the destruction Demen is wreaking in the neighborhood along Carson Street, Q and Tina realize their deep love for one another; a love whose strength spans even beyond the distance of two galaxies.

Will she return with Q back to Aut when it’s all over? Or will Demen destroy that, too?

[P.D.]

Fantasy.

A romantic subplot is common in many genres, adventure, thriller, fantasy, sci-fi, etc. Strong romance doesn't make it romance. Romance has a lot of specific tropes and rules to be followed.

However, adding fantasy elements to a story does make it fantasy.

In sci-fi, I expect the technology to cause or explain any supernatural occurrences. But I'm not hearing that here. Two timelines, reincarnation, etc. sounds more like fantasy.

Ideal length for a blurb is supposed to be about 150 words. Yours is 550...

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

It's way too long. You put a lot of story in there. Hold some back for the book. The way it is now, people will feel they've already heard most of the story and won't feel compelled to buy the book. Is the story in California the main story and the Egypt bit more a back story? If so, you can definitely cut the Egyptian section out of the blurb or trim it way, way down.

If it is necessary to be in there, here's how I would cut back those first two paragraphs. This is just a suggestion:

Sixteen-year-old Mira is an a simple Egyptian girl with chores like all the others in her small village in from Lower Egypt 3303 B.C.E. But that soon changes When two strange flying objects whips across the sky and disappears behind a mountain. Her father didn’t believe her when she tried to tell him about that one. But when a second one sails over her with black smoke pouring out the back, he agrees MIra and her father set off to look for this “flying metal” to put the matter to rest once and for all.

A charred trail leads them through burnt foliage and slanted trees until it ends down a deep ravine where the huge structure is resting. A bounty-hunter named Weir emerges from that one ship, and he proves to be a blessing that has arrived just in time. Because tThe passenger from that first the other ship turns out to be a murderous plague like none Egypt has ever known in is a mass murderer by the name of Demen; and he must be captured and taken back to the planet Aut before another woman dies at his hands.

[A.S.]

Groovy,

I like the way that Dwayne trimmed those first two paragraphs down. Makes it more tight and does not give too much of your book away. Now might I make a few suggestions for the modern part of your blurb

In the twenty first century Damen rose from the dead bringing his old hatred for women with him. Now Mira's descendent Tina Leggs along with a new bounty hunter Q must race against time to save the world before Damen can unleash his murderous plans.

[Quantum]

THere are aliens, so definitely not fantasy. The romance only happens in the last 2 paragraphs; whereas the entire thrust of the story is in capturing Or killing the criminal. so definitely not romance, but definitely in the Mystery, thriller & suspense Amazon category. I'd agree that strong romance element wouldn't place into the romance category. Amazon allows 2 categories, so I might additionally put it into sci-if, but Otoh, i'd also agree that with only 10% emphasis on sci-fi, it might be difficult to justify its inclusion in that Category w/o seeing more explanation of that component. Of course, this is all predicated on the provided description, which I agree is too long. It also gives away too much and is more of a synopsis that you'd provide to an agent rather than a blurb meant to sell your book.

[Roughseasinthemed]

I think if you put the suggestions together from Dwayne and AS you have the basis for a good blurb of about the right length.

Regarding genre, what about spec fic? which often combines sci fi and fantasy. Def not romance, it sounds too interesting for that! I get the impression of a good adventure story basically.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

For genres, how about Action & Adventure / Sci-Fi - Alien Contact?

[P.D.]

While you can only put a book into two browse categories initially, you can eventually get it into a lot more than that.

And don't forget to target for keyword categories. Sci-fi/fantasy keywords:

https://kdp.amazon.com/help?topicId=A...

Off the top of my head, you may want to use keywords demons, aliens, romance, thriller.

Strategies to get into more categories:

- do not match categories between your kindle edition and your paperback edition. Amazon will automatically match. So if you are in kindle subcategory "adventure" for your kindle edition, do not pick the matching book category "adventure" for your paperback. Choose something else and double your categories.
- use keyword categories as mentioned above (again, don't use the same keywords in both your kindle edition and your paperback edition.) The special keyword category words can appear in your keywords field, description, or title.
- go as deep as you can, and don't include the higher-level categories. For example, don't put your book into /X/Y/Z and /X/Y. If you have it in /X/Y/Z, it will automatically be included in searches of /X/Y.
- After publication, you can email KDP support to add you to additional browse categories. Ditto Createspace support. Again, don't add the same categories to both, because Amazon will automatically match.

[Pam]

This might fit into the old category 'science fantasy' which was applied to stories that ostensibly fit into 'fantasy' but had SF elements such as aliens/spaceships etc.

[Groovy]

Thank-you so much for all the valuable and wonderful advice, EVERYONE. I love the members here.

That's why the blurb was only a draft. I knew I would have to cut a lot out of it.

You did a good job in helping me to see where I need to trim it, Dwayne. Thank you!!!

And you are all right, I tend to give too much away. Now I know where to tighten it.

Thanks for the keyword tips, P.D. So, Romantic/Suspense is out (that would have been a big mistake)

I'm going to work on it, and I'll be back with more questions. Don't leave me, yet:)

[Groovy]

Okay, what I failed to say in my first post is that the Egyptian story is like a short novella, but is just as important as the main story that takes place later. I did my best to cut and tighten. But getting it down to 150 word count is almost impossible.

Here's what I've corrected so far. Do you still think I'm giving too much away? Has your feel of genre changed?

BLURB:

Sixteen year-old Mira is a simple Egyptian girl in her small village in Lower Egypt 3303 B.C.E. But after a strange flying object whips across the sky and disappears behind a mountain, simple no longer describes her. When a second one follows, she and her reluctant father go in search of this “flying metal”.

A bounty-hunter named Weir emerges from that last ship, and he proves to be a blessing that has arrived just in time. Because the passenger from the first ship turns out to be a murderous plague like none Egypt has ever known in the name of Demen; and he must be captured and taken back to the planet Aut before another woman dies by his hands.

But there’s a problem: Demen is now a powerful Pharaoh in the city of Sharkura. Will apprehending him cost Weir and Mira their lives?

Almay, California, USA, twenty-first century:

Overseeing all of the artifacts and exhibits of the Graham-Arlee museum in the small desert town is Tina Leggs, a descendent of the little shepherd girl, Mira. Little does she know that the mummy exhibit that’s drawing crowds from everywhere, and blowing up Social Media, is the same Demen that her ancestor bravely faced centuries ago.

Demen is no longer a powerful Pharaoh. Now, he’s nothing more than a museum exhibit since he was discovered in an archaeological dig in the Valley of the Kings. He’s been dead for centuries, but a rare occurrence will give him life once more. And as he secretly assimilates himself with the new world he wakes up to, centuries of being dead has not dimmed his desire to kill and end the misery known as woman.

Enter Q, a second bounty-hunter sent to Earth to take Demen back to his home planet where his termination awaits. Just like Mira, Tina has been cast into the role of ally to this handsome bounty-hunter as they struggle to capture the destructive Demen. Through it all, Q and Tina realize their deep love for one another; a love whose strength spans even beyond the distance of two galaxies.

Will she return with Q back to Aut when it’s all over? Or will Demen destroy that, too?

[C.L.]

It's still a lot of plot. Think about a movie trailer - they don't give you the plot. They just give you a couple of key scenes to make you interested.

What about something like this - I know this is vastly curtailed but just to show you how little you need to catch people's attention:

Tina Leggs oversees the artifacts and exhibits in a small desert town museum. When a new mummy exhibit draws crowds the likes of which she has never seen, Tina has no idea that the mummy is actually an extraterrestrial visitor who once brought a plague upon her own Egyptian ancestors thousands of years ago. Tina finds herself teamed up with a bounty hunter from the alien's home planet in an epic battle against evil which spans generations.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Not sure why you call Mira "simple". Maybe it's just me, but I'm not fond of characters being called "simple", "average", "normal" or the like. I want reasons to be interested in them, not reasons to think they're just kinda "ho hum" people.

I still feel like we're getting a lot of story here. And I see your issue, wanting to describe both parts of the story. But, it seems there has to be a way to do it without giving away so much.

There's definitely a lot of detail that could go, such as "that's drawing crowds from everywhere, and blowing up Social Media". That just doesn't seem important to the main story.

[Dwayne, Head of Lettuce]

Groovy,

I just read C.L.'s version and she has managed to capture every important detail of your story in one concise paragraph. I would go with that, or try to come up with something similar. It gives the reader a lot of punch without overwhelming with detail and plot.

[C.L.]

Dwayne wrote: "Not sure why you call Mira "simple". Maybe it's just me, but I'm not fond of characters being called "simple", "average", "normal" or the like. I want reasons to be interested in them, not reasons ..."

Agreed, plus it's also a little condescending to assume that poor people/peasant types are simple. All people, cultures and characters are complex. Ask any anthropologist!

[G.G.]

First part only. I haven't had time to read the second one, sorry.
----------------------------------------------

1- Simple: I agree with the others. Maybe you could say that she lives a simple life instead? Less condescending.

2- Instead of: she and her reluctant father go in search of this “flying metal”. Maybe try: she and her father set off to investigate.

3- To be honest I am not fond at all of these paragraphs. The wording is strange and the punctuation is off. Both are enough to turn possible readers away.

A bounty-hunter named Weir emerges from that last ship, and he proves to be a blessing that has arrived just in time. Because the passenger from the first ship turns out to be a murderous plague like none Egypt has ever known in the name of Demen; and he must be captured and taken back to the planet Aut before another woman dies by his hands.

But there’s a problem: Demen is now a powerful Pharaoh in the city of Sharkura. Will apprehending him cost Weir and Mira their lives?

Like in everything, less is more. You need to leave something to the imagination. These are the things the readers need to know. The rest is superfluous:

Demen, a murderer with a bounty on his head, lands first. He is soon followed by Weir who intends to bring him back to Aut. Things get complicated when Demen becomes Pharaoh.

[Groovy]

Thanks, everybody. I didn't mean to say she was simple, but that she lives a normal everyday life until it all changes. I'll change it.

C.L., I love what you did with the paragraph. I'm going to rewrite it without copying you word for word.

I agree, G. G., that's why it's still in draft mode. I like your wording, too; to the point without giving plot away. I get it. You, C.L., and Dwayne have really helped me a lot with editing. It's hard for me. But I see the necessity.

You guys are the greatest. Thanks! Back to work:)

[G.G.]

Part two:

Tina Leggs, a descendant of Mira, (no need to specify who she is, people will have read the first blurb), is overseeing the artifact exhibits at the Graham-Arlee museum. Little does she know that the mummy exhibit (an unnecessary repeat) that’s drawing crowds from everywhere, and blowing up Social Media, is the same Demen that her ancestor bravely faced centuries ago.

Demen is no longer a powerful Pharaoh, Now, he’s nothing more than a museum exhibit since he was discovered in an archaeological dig in the Valley of the Kings. (superfluous. Readers don't need to know in the blurb where he's been found. Moreover, you mentioned in the paragraph above that he is the mummy. Why the repeat?) He’s been dead for centuries, (of course, he's been dead for centuries since he is a mummy) but a rare occurrence will give him life once more. And as he secretly assimilates himself with the new world he wakes up to, centuries of being dead has not dimmed his desire to kill and end the misery known as woman.

Enter Q (or Enters Q?), a second bounty-hunter sent to Earth to take Demen back to his home planet where his termination awaits. (Maybe you could change things around and go with something like this: Upon discovering Demen's return, Aut sends Q, another bounty hunter.) Just like Mira, Tina has been cast into the role of ally to (Maybe go with: History repeats itself and Tina ties her fate with this handsome bounty-hunter as they struggle to capture the destructive Demen.) Through it all, Q and Tina realize their deep love for one another; a love whose strength spans even beyond the distance of two galaxies. (This would be added for a synopsis to a publisher but not for a blurb.)

Will she return with Q back to Aut when it’s all over? Or will Demen destroy that, too?

(Here you're almost giving away the ending. People who love romance will foresee that she will be going back to Aut with Q. And if it's not the case, they will be peeved. So either way, I'd skip it to keep it safe.)


Let's see without the scratch and the notes:

Tina Leggs, a descendant of Mira, is overseeing the artifact exhibits at the Graham-Arlee museum. Little does she know the mummy that’s drawing crowds is the same Demen that her ancestor bravely faced centuries ago.

Demen is no longer a powerful Pharaoh, but a rare occurrence will give him life once more and centuries of being dead have not dimmed his desire to kill. Upon discovering Demen's return, Aut sends Q, another bounty hunter. History repeats itself and Tina ties her fate with this handsome bounty-hunter as they struggle to capture the destructive Demen.

(There are many of repeated instance of 'Demen' but I couldn't see how to do without.)
Hope this helps.

[Leo]

Pamela, your Keyword advice is very helpful. You are so practical and friendly to share all this. Thanks, and Happy Holidays.

[Groovy]

G.G., thank-you so much for all the effort you put into that. I really appreciate this.

I have practically over-hauled the blurb thanks to the advice I've received here. My mistake was, I thought a blurb and a synopsis were one and the same (You learn something new everyday) So, I'm going to Google "How to write the perfect blurb", which is what I should have done. And, I'm going to rewrite every blurb of every one of my books because I thought, synopsis, when I wrote them.

I don't want to plagiarize, so I'm going to use all the good advice I've received here and write it with my own spin. I know I won't be able to please everyone with the end result, but I'm sure it will be agreed that it's a lot better than my original blurb, right?:)

I'm not going to get mushy, but you guys are the best:)

Pamela, I agree with Leo. Your keyword advice is on the money.

[G.G.]

Groovy, for what it's worth, you can use whatever I posted. Most of them were copy pasted from yours with maybe a thing or two changed. It wouldn't be plagiarism. It's your work all yours. :)

I'm just glad if I helped in any way. (When I first looked to see what advices I could give you, my mentoring from a writing course kicked in, so I'm sorry if I may have been a bit too thorough with your work.) Writing a blurb is hard enough, I can't imagine writing one thinking I was writing a synopsis.

Of course, you won't be able to please everyone. Blurbs are like books, not everyone will like them but what is important is that YOU are satisfied with it and that your readers will like it enough to buy and read your book.

[Roughseasinthemed]

I agree with GG.

Whatever suggestions we make to your copy are just that. You wrote it originally. I have done some slash and paste jobs for other people. Theirs to use as they choose.

Forums like this are meant to be helpful! Not looking out for legal suits.

[Groovy]

**smiling gratefully**

[Quantum]

Groovy wrote: "**smiling gratefully**"

blurb writing is basically sales copy. you might consider reading:

http://www.copyblogger.com/copywritin...

[Groovy]

Thank-you, Alex G. I will read it now.

[Quantum]

Groovy wrote: "Thank-you, Alex G. I will read it now."

i just finished reading the main articles (I was referred to this website from Jane Friedman's book Publishing 101.) although all of the articles are worth reading, so far, the most relevant points for writing a blurb are:

http://www.copyblogger.com/copywritin...
#4: Do your research
#5: Find your starving crowd (then listen to them)

http://www.copyblogger.com/good-copyw...
2. Storytelling copy

http://www.copyblogger.com/beyond-the...
1. Read your customer’s mind (and put it on the page)
2. Focus on the point past the sale

[Groovy]

I really appreciate your helpfulness, Alex. Believe me, I'm soaking it all in:)

[Allan]

I agree with Dwayne, the blurb is way too long and his edits look good to me. To answer your question Groovy, from the blurb you have, it sounds more Sci fi to me than anything else. Only the last couple of lines suggest romance.

[Groovy]

Thanks, Allan. I took all the advice here and did A LOT of editing. I've learned so much about writing a proper blurb. As I stated above, I thought a blurb and a synopsis were the same. Now I know better:)

I get Sci/fi, too. But also, as soon as the two main characters meet, the sparks begin. So, the romance is entwined throughout the book, along with the suspense of stopping the antagonist. I'm going to have to look up books with the same elements in them and get the proper genre.

[Noor]

I agree with everyone who said that you've started with a blurb that's far too long and more like a synopsis, but it actually really helped me get a feel for the story. Here's my attempt to keep the elements that I think tease the genre/mood I think you're going for, while at the same time leaving the detail out. Hope you like it, and feel free to use any or all of it, like others have said, you came up with the original, I just played with your wording a bit! :)

--

A strange object whips across the night sky, but life goes on as it did in the village in Lower Egypt 3303 B.C.E. Amid the monotony of her village chores sixteen year old Mira is the only to take note. When a second object zooms by, leaving a trail of black smoke in its wake, Mira sets out to investigate throwing herself and her descendants into an extraterrestrial battle that leaves its mark on the halls of the pharaoh and the innermost secrets of the heart.

[Groovy]

Thank-you, Noor. I'm still working on it. I like the way you took a long synopsis and made it a tight read. You may see some of your ideas in the finished product:)

And thank-you, Faith. I love the points you brought out. Everybody has so many different ideas, and they're all so good. 'Make the readers hungry for the answers'--I will continually keep that in mind as I rewrite, rewrite, and rewrite.

Did I mention how I hate writing blurbs:)??

[Groovy]

Keep the advice coming. But I would like to thank each and every one of you for your wise input and help. I've learned so much. For one:

A synopsis is not the same as a blurb. I had no clue. I hadn't transferred from the "Dear Agent" era. So from now on I will approach that with a different mind-set.

I'm also changing every last one of my synopsis-like descriptions on all my books and making them blurb appropriate. I never would have thought to do that if it wasn't for this thread.

I really like being a part of this friendly, helpful forum:)