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[Hallie]

What To Do With The Tickets?

I just want to write this down so that I don't ever forget it. I don't know why, but I just want to remember it.

Yesterday, my family started bickering - without me involved much - but it was still crazy because I was doing pretty bad already. This little incident later in the night made me laugh a little, which is probably why I want to remember it.

After dinner, I was pacing around the bedroom my brother and I share because he was still eating whereas I was done. I knew that he had a call from work at 6 even though it was Sunday (yes, I made sure that I laughed at him when I saw his coworker email 'Does 6 pm work for you?'). His laptop from work was opened on his desk, so I assumed he had been doing some serious work and had left it to come eat dinner.

Shortly after, he came back to our room and waved at me (or I waved at him - whatever). He sat down and unlocked the screen and guess what - an anime figure was on the screen! And I know exactly how his wallpaper looks and the fact that he won't change it to a really cute anime character. Well, I searched for it online to show.



I made no effort to control myself from making some snarky remark and all he did was laugh and say, "Actually I think you'll like it too! Wanna watch?" As if I had anything better to do. Study for GCSEs? Hallie doesn't study after dinner! It was just the first episode, and I can grasp stuff like this pretty easily, so the two of us watched a couple of episodes of that. It was pretty funny. Except when we were in the second episode, my dad walked in and my brother got annoyed and walked out with the laptop, but then Dad went to the room he tried to go to, and he ended up coming back.

The videos kept buffering every episode so he usually paused for a while before we began to watch. During one of those pauses, he got a text and feared that it was from work. He read the message and showed it to me grinning because it looked like this:

R: "What will D do with the tickets to the match?" (This D person is living in the US right now.)
N: "Sell them to the black market."

After that episode, when we were waiting for the next episode to load, I went out of the room and my brother literally rushed to me after a seconds with his phone. This time,

Wait I don't remember which person this was: "That's racist!"

*slaps forehead*

My brother's workmates are exactly like him!

[butterbean]

Oh, well you know what? I don't imagine I'll ever meet you Hals. May as well just, you know, let you do you and make myself stop caring what other people think or do to themselves.

[Hallie]

I just need to type this out. New event idea for Elysian Darkness!!!!!! :D And this probably won't have any death related stuff.

[butterbean]

*evil smile* Good. . . >:D

[Hallie]

So how about an annual festival during the summer? I was thinking of spotlighting other characters by assigning little activities they could each be involved in. I'm not sure how it would work, but I have a plan to organise it :)

And since I saw your post now, Jellybean, ehee! The rebels should try to infiltrate the castle or something? xD

[butterbean]

[Hallie]

[Hallie]

Somehow my mood went from 100 to 0, so uh....

[butterbean]

Great, we all are now having a bad time. ((Not in a bad way, Hals)) :)

[Hallie]

To keep things less depressing: My attempt at posting a gif just failed! xD

[butterbean]

[Hallie]

I tried to search for a gif to answer that and obviously since I'm typing this out, I'm not good with pictures that move....

[butterbean]

xD I'm not either. But you know what? I don't think it matters if we can and cannot do things, as long as we have our own perfect perfections. :)

[Hallie]

Actually, I should leave this journal on for my family to read. Um hi Mum! Hi Dad! Thanks for pushing me over the edge!

[Hallie]

♛✧נєℓℓувєαη✧♛✧ℓσνє ιѕ α тяαgι¢ ƒαтє✧♛ wrote: "xD I'm not either. But you know what? I don't think it matters if we can and cannot do things, as long as we have our own perfect perfections. :)"

I guess you're right :D I'm dying from trying to not shatter this with a self-loathing comment...

[Hallie]

Hallie wrote: "Actually, I should leave this journal on for my family to read. Um hi Mum! Hi Dad! Thanks for pushing me over the edge!"

Want me to die? Go ahead, kill me! Before I kill myself and blame it on you.

[Hallie]

Trust me, I don't want to be alive either. I don't know why I haven't killed myself already.

[Hallie]

Last April when my uncle and cousins visited right in the middle of my exams when I nearly jumped off the building, August 10th when I planned to overdose, August 19th when I tried to kill myself and failed, um sometime late September/early October when I threatened to kill myself, November 15th when I planned to kill myself but didn't because the previous day got my hopes high, early January.....

[Hallie]

I don't recall any of you (my family, not you amazing Goodreads friends) there to stop me.

[Hallie]

Why? You don't even know about any of that!

[Hallie]

I heard some rubbish that a mother will know about her child's pain immediately and it will bother her.

[Hallie]

Either that's just trash to keep adolescents from not respecting their mothers, or my mum isn't actually my mum.

[Hallie]

'Cause she has never been there for me when I needed her.

[Hallie]

I was popping in pills that taste horrible into my mouth like gum drops, and she was just laughing and degrading me.

[Hallie]

Exactly what a true mother would do.

[Hallie]

You know what would have been a great lesson for her? Jumping in front of that train right before her eyes.

[butterbean]

. . .

[Hallie]

But then I would have died in her stupid hometown, and we all know how much I would hate that.

[Hallie]

Speaking of that, I hereby curse my family that if they conduct my funeral in that land I hate visiting, they will rot. For the rest of their lives, they will have nothing but misfortune.

[Hallie]

I mean why would they even have my funeral there? People don't even know who the heck I am.

[Hallie]

Oh right, they don't care about the person. They just attend funerals for the food.

[Hallie]

Well then, my wish is that my funeral is conducted in my precious birthplace, but to annoy those people, my memorial should be at Wales as well and all they provide is French fries and tea :)

[Hallie]

It would annoy the hell out of them xD

[Hallie]

Hey! If they can respect my grandfather's love to certain kind of food, why not mine?

[Hallie]

Although the rumours would be crazy!

[Hallie]

"You know *insert grandfathers' name*'s son/daughter in London? The youngest kid committed suicide. I wonder why! Oooo maybe she had a secret relationship that her parents didn't approve?

[Hallie]

I wonder if dead people can stay and watch the aftermath of their death on earth for a while.

[Hallie]

Mine would be hilarious!

[Hallie]

Like Mum would be frowning until the actual funeral and she'll fake some tears and then whine about the money they spent on me.

[Hallie]

And dad will probably be walking around like 'Little one. Little one.'

[Hallie]

And my brother? I don't know....

[Hallie]

Right so you're probably thinking, "Hallie, there is nothing wrong with your life! There are people more unfortunate and they aren't contemplating suicide even though they have a better reason than you."

[Hallie]

Well, let those unfortunate souls take my place then. If it looks like such a great life, they can have it.

[Hallie]

I don't want it.

[Hallie]

If people did actually care, they did a pathetic job at it.

[Hallie]

Someone ought to enlighten them that their 'care' wasn't any bit caring to me.

[Hallie]

I'm selfish - I know. I'm freaking selfish.

[Hallie]

Which is one of the reasons why you don't need me in your lives.

[Hallie]

Yet I can't kill myself for the next four days.

[Hallie]

No actually, killing myself on the eleventh would be great.